Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Don't Miss It, Don't Even Be Late

So, Stinky and I met my family at the State Fair to celebrate my aunt's seventieth birthday. Contemplating the enormity of someone turning seventy, made me think about her previous year. Which led me to wonder if, by the time I'm that age, will I finally be mature enough not to try and get people to ask how old I am so I can respond, "Sixty-nine, baby. All. Year. Long." God, I hope so.


This year at the Fair, I realized that it wasn't quite as family friendly as I had once thought. Iowa is wonderfully bizarre on so many levels, but did they really need to have a gigantic box of corn for my two year old niece to recreate her favorite "rolling around in food" scene from the movie Tommy?

After that, I started noticing not so subtle sexual content in almost every booth we passed. First we met Dirty Dan wielding his huge sledge hammer.

Then, I couldn't escape the plethora of fresh, firm buns waiting for me around every corner...

...And every girl's favorite, foot longs.

The fellas will be happy to know that it wasn't all just eye candy for the women.

The fair offered images of some of the largest nipples I had ever seen...

Not to be outdone by the meat-on-a-stick for ladies, this year they offered a heterosexual male option of egg-on-a-stick. Mmmmm.

As you can see, it might be safer and less obscene just to take your kids to Vegas next year.

16 comments:

Les said...

So, How long has mr dateman been gone?

Margaret said...

sounds like you're on track to being 69, 69 for several years..the fair looks fun

not fainthearted said...

OMG, you crack me up!

Frankly, I hope we're NOT "mature" enough and we take full advantage of the year we are "of an age."

Rock on, sister.

Babybull40 said...

That was hysterical.. Love the post.. the "egg on a stick" was the funniest yet...

Tara said...

Damn, I should've brought my camera when I went to the fair. There were some male goats that could easily compete with "Dirty Dan".

Julie in L.A. said...

Ahh, Churlita! It's been entirely too long since I've read your blog, so I had a lot of catching up to do. I was sad about Mr. Dateman, but oh-so-happy to see Dirty Dan and his long sledgehammer. I miss Iowa. I missed reading your blog. I'm gonna be reading regularly again from now on.

booda baby said...

No. No. I'd like to be more shocked/repulsed by the egg on the stick, but I've spent way too much time in Iowa taverns. It's crazy what they have on the menu.

laura b. said...

Whoa! Who would have ever suspected how racy the county fair is! Well, you know those farm boys have one track minds...

By the way, your little niece is gorgeous.

Dagromm said...

Pardon my Iowa ignorance, but why is he called Dirty Dan? Was he the first Iowan?

Honestly, I lived for years never knowing that Iowa really existed. I thought it was like Narnia or Xanadu just without the kick ass soundtrack and costumes.

Rick said...

Any post that starts with 69 is bound to go wrong further down the page...

evil-e said...

You kill me...great post. What les said.....how long?

Being immature is the best way to forget that you are actually mature...it works for me anyway.

Stepping Over the Junk said...

69 BABY! Heh. I am giggling to no end now. If I ever meet someone who tells me they are 69, I am going to burst out laughing.

Our fair is coming in a few weeks. I cant wait! Especially for those, um, foot long hotdogs.

Churlita said...

Les,

Yeah, yeah. I knew that was coming.

Margaret,

I'm ready for it. Bring it on.

Not,

Thanks. I plan to keep on rockin' on.

BAbybull,

And they were giving those away for free.

Tara,

Goats creep me out a little anyway.

Julie in La,

Yea! I'm so glad you're back. Where've you been?

Booda Baby,

...Or in a jar on the bar.

LB,

God bless the farm boys and their one track minds.

Thank you. Isn't she adorable?

DAgromm,

Iowa is nothing without it's kick-ass soundtrack and costumes.

Rick,

I like to think that it went right, further down the page.

Evil_E,

Exactly. What was that word you said again? Mature?

Stepping,

Make sure you bring plenty of cash for the suggestive fair food.

Michelle said...

ew! I just saw that picture while currently nursing a hangover, and...ugh. Hard-boiled eggs never looked so gross. But egg-on-a-stick, how original.

AlienCG said...

What a great post. It's nice to see the fair is appealing to both sexes. Love the pictures.

Churlita said...

Michelle,

I'm so sorry. I wasn't trying to hurt anyone.

Alien CG,

Thanks. The fair is all equal opportunity in its sexual content.