Monday, August 13, 2007

And Perspective Pushes Through

Here is Stinky's reflection furtively checking out the anatomically correct Superman made from butter at last year's State Fair.

Well, kids. It's been almost a week since I got dumped, and I still feel like I'm riding the sucker's roller coaster. I don't know how many times I've already said it on here before, but I hate the process. I don't want to feel the things I still feel and I just want to be over it all. Is it easier for people to let go who don't have the same abandonment issues I have?

Luckily, this weekend, I had my friends around to keep my mind off of things. I had a little relapse on Saturday, so I was annoyingly distracted that afternoon when we were at the pool and during dinner at The Hamburg Inn. I got over it that night once I had enough alcohol in me, and Sunday wasn't really all that bad either. I went with my friends to see the movie, Stardust and it was excellent escapism. It was just what I needed.

I was a little on the melancholy side today again. I've been trying to be good and work on my projects. Last Thursday, I did that thing that people do sometimes where they buy things to fill a void. And besides the stress of spending the money, I have to say, it worked pretty well and gave me my two current projects. One of the things I bought was an iPod. I even got the thing to stick in my tape player so I can listen to it in the car. It holds thousands more songs than my phone, so I've been obsessive about transferring, downloading, and ripping songs into my iTunes. I'm also still working on my home cleaning and organizing. I've decided to take a room a day, so I don't get so overwhelmed trying to do it all at once, that I just quit. My kitchen, which is bigger than most living rooms, looks amazing right now. I'm afraid to cook in it, for fear of messing it up again. So, I'll be continuing with that, except for Wednesday, when Stinky and I will meet my family at the State Fair and see things made of butter for a day.

I think I'm done with the "going out" portion of the process for a while. I kind of needed to last week, because I was afraid I'd spend too much time wallowing and dwelling and creating REALLY stupid scenarios in my head, if left to my own devices. Now, though, I need to just start delving into the shit, so I can get over it more quickly. I've got my projects, and plenty of comic books, and soon I'll have my own room where I can hang-out by myself and listen to Amy Winehouse, and start the business of getting over myself. Hell, I might even take Stepping Over the Junk's break-up advice and buy myself some fun, sexy underwear to make myself feel better. Hopefully, one of these days I'll be able to slip into my Levi's Movin' On jeans and just keep movin' on.

14 comments:

Remiman said...

Churlita,
Ya know, it sounds to me like you've got your shit together and you're going to be just fine.
;-)
rel

Babybull40 said...

You will be okay.. Sometimes things happen for a reason whether or not that reason seems coherant at the time...You keep on movin' and with lots of friends around you and your kids... Keep yer chin up...

Margaret said...

mmmmmm,mmmm,mmmmmm i could lick that anatomically correct, butter, super-man all over! he may even be my ideal

Brando said...

You'll be amazed at what an iPod can cure.

Okay, it can't really cure anything, but it can at least provide a good soundtrack for dealing with shit.

Good luck. Remember, it could be worse: you could be Butter Superman, searching for a Butter Lois Lane that no one ever carves.

Tara said...

Sometimes when I'm in a blues funk, I just go to any store and look around without buying anything. I don't even know how I get away with not buying stuff, but it has happened. The planets have to be aligned though. ;)

l.b. said...

Nothing wrong with a little retail therapy.
And I think even people without abandonment issues feels abandoned when they have been, you know...abandoned. Although looking at that sentence, thinking like that is probably not the most productive way to deal.

not fainthearted said...

Not being one of those creatures "without abandonment issues" of which you speak, I wouldn't know....

But I do think you're on the right track with surrounding yourself with rockin' friends to love you.

hang on

Neil said...

I'm sorry you've been feeling down. Luckily it sounds like you have good people around to distract you with Superman made of butter.

evil-e said...

First the feelings are the "Not the Same"--Social Distortion.

Then they move to "Rejection", by Pantera.

Onward to "I Used to Love Her, But I Had to Kill Her", -- Guns N Roses

Finally, on to the "Fuck Yeah", by the Supersuckers.

Stepping Over the Junk said...

You're so level headed. I feel the same way sometimes, even still...the roller coaster stuff and wishing I was past it and not feeling what I feel. I am merging away though finally as I find a place I'd rather be than wallowing in something old that wasnt good for me. Even being alone was better.

Dagromm said...

I promise if you buy some sexy fun underwear it'll make me feel better, and that's something isn't it?

michelle said...

sexy underwear made of butter. Now there's a thought sure to grease the dangling cobwebs of crappy feelings from your mind.

Churlita said...

Rel,

I'm glad you think so. I'm sure I'll be just fine too.

Babybull,

I'm fine in general, I just have little relapses here and there. I'm sure they'll be fewer and farther between the more distance I have.

Margaret,

I'll ask around and see how much one of those would go for.

Brando,

Sometimes during my more dramatically self-indulgent moments, I kind of feel like a butter Superman who's butter Lois Lane was never carved.

Tara,

You are a stronger woman than I. I could never trust myself to go and not purchase.

LB,

I think you're right on all counts.

Not,

I feel fortunate to have such friends.

Neil,

How can anyone not be distracted by anything made of butter?

Evil-E,

That sounds like a perfect soundtrack.

Stepping,

I know, I know. I'm totally fine being alone. And I'm sure I'll stop missing him eventually too.

Dagromm,

As long as it helps you, I guess I'll have to go shopping.

Michelle,

It might also give me that "not so fresh feeling".

Dana said...

I loves me some butter heroes.

I showed the photo to LoveShack, pointing out the naughty bits. He said, "That wouldn't be hard enough to last." Heh.

(If men were made of butter, they'd be less trouble, although you wouldn't be able to take them outside on hot days, unless you were done with them and wanted to end the relationship.)