Monday, August 27, 2007

It's Another Day for You and Me in Paradise

Here are some purdy flowers to take your mind off of the bitter bile I'm about to spew. Nice.

It must officially be Fall, because the students are back in full force, driving the wrong way on one ways, crossing the street in front of your car when the light turns green and traveling in packs even though they're all on their cell phones talking to other people. If you've never lived in a college town before, it's hard to imagine what happens at the end of August when several thousand people, mostly under the age of 25, invade. It made me cranky when I was still in school, but now I just try to sit back and watch the homeless people and the Emo kids deal with the overpriveledged college students from the North Shore Suburbs of Chicago. Today that one toothless, homeless woman who sits in front of the old Hills Bank, was screaming at all the cars going the wrong way down Washington Street. If I had had any money on me, I would totally have given her some for that.

The other thing Fall means to me, is that at work we have our Fall kick-off retreat at work. Apparently, someone has invested way too much time and money attending motivational seminars and feels like they have to put it to good use. Some of the offices get really into it, but in keeping with our slacker ways and bad attitudes, the people in my office roll our eyes a lot and create really stupid scenarios in our head about how we'll defy the forced cheese.

Last year, we were supposed to do a "getting to know each other" activity. I don't know about you, but the less I know my co-workers, the better. I'm forced to spend eight hours a day with them. Isn't that enough? Anyway, we were supposed to bring items that we felt best represented our interests. Most of the women brought some craft or other they were making. The IT guy brought a remote control for his TV and a controller from his XBox. He joked that they were more important than his newborn son and that's why I think he's so awesome. I suggested that we bring items all of the same theme. You know, to promote team work or some such bullshit. Like, one of us could bring a video camera, someone else could bring hand-cuffs and a riding crop, maybe the ex-nun would want to bring her leather chaps or assless pants - whichever she was most comfortable in, and I could look around and see if I could round up a ball gag.

This year, we're supposed to bring in a picture of us from high school or before. I imagine we'll have to guess who's who, or something equally lame. My co-worker John has threatened to bring in that scary pig photo I had up on my blog a few days ago and say it's his senior picture. I've already double dog dared him, so he pretty much has no choice but to follow through. So, maybe after we get fired at the retreat, the toothless, homeless woman will share her corner and we can help her yell at cars all day.


Remiman said...

I think the only people who profit from those little feel good seminars are the doops that suggest them. For some reason they think you can instill common sense in adults.
It's the college kids that write up those courses on "getting to know you" for a sociology thesis. ;-)

not fainthearthed said...

I think if you're suggesting riding crops and ass-less pants or double-dog daring someone to bring in a pig photo ya'll know each other juuuuuuusst fine.

cheer up, it's only 4 months to semester break! ;-)

Babybull40 said...

We live in an area that its all small kids and a few high school students.. which none of them drive yet.. so that part is fortunate... I will have to break out the old camera phone and take pictures of those in the ass-less pants and riding crops.. I would double dog dare him too..

Tara said...

That kind of motivational thing kind of sounds fun to me. But then again I'm a bit deranged and have snapped after working in this office for a little over five years. The last thing we went to for motivation was to "Dave & Buster's", and we had a great time. Nothing but a few words and slideshows from our employees, free food, free drinks and arcade games.

Brando said...

driving the wrong way on one ways

Always fun to play the "guess what county they're from" game when you see that.

Ah, this made me nostalgic for Iowa City. The kids are coming back up here but it's not the same.

And is there anything worse than forced fun at work?

evil-e said...

I like the way you worked back around to the toothless, homeless woman, well done.

I agree 100% about getting to know co-workers, I don't need to know anything else about them. I passed on our company picnic over the weekend for the reason of, "I have to see you people 40 hours a week, why would I want to see more?"

booda baby said...

Why don't they just cut to the chase and beat it into you? Do they not get the risk they run? Know more and it gets even uglier.

.j.william. said...

my work goes bowling and drinks beer. seems to work out okay. Sadly, the beer is no longer subsidized due to liability. Nonetheless, it works for families and singles alike. Plus, everyone is somehow equal in bowling shoes.

Churlita said...


I'm sure you're right.


See? That's exactly how I feel.


I'd be happier if the college kids couldn't drive either.


I could totally handle drinks and arcade games.


You're nostalgic already? I'll be sure to help you out with that by documenting all the puke piles downtown after football Saturdays.


I make it a point to stay as far away from co-workers as possible on the weekends.

Booda Baby,

You work from home and you understand.


I could totally do drinks and bowling. It would be so much better than bringing in stupid high school pics and guessing who's who.

Michelle said...

work bonding, how wonderful. my co-workers and i will bond over inventing alcoholic beverages (last week we threw in a beer, 8 shots of Southern Comfort, and juice from concentrate into a blender - pretty tasty to our surprise) or comparing boobs.

you should bring up the idea to your boss.