I'd Give You EVerything and More and That's for Sure

Here I am at the spillway on our trail run this Sunday.

I will blog about our weekend tomorrow, but today? Today it is Valentine's Day. This is what it looks like at our house:

The Guy: (greeting me in the kitchen this morning) I've got a Valentine's present for you...

Me: Really? Is it in your pants?

The Guy: Well, yeah.

Me: Okay. I have a present for you too then...

Apparently, we are both classy AND romantic.

Here is The Guy on the other side of it.

Pushing the Barriers, Planting the Seeds

Cara sucia.

So, cyclocross season is officially over for me this year. The Guy is going to race in nationals in Wisconsin in January, but I'm done until next Fall.

According to the national rankings, I was 185th out of 346 in the 45+ master's women's category. Although, the woman in 117th place in the standings was 71 years old. (How awesome is she?)

It's not like I came anywhere near the front of the pack at any point, but I started the season being dead-ass last in my first couple of races and did better and better as it progressed. I think the hardest part, was not to give up after my first couple of last places.

After Jingle Cross, a woman in her early twenties called me an inspiration. I laughed and joked that I was inspiring, because if someone as old as me can do this, anyone could. She stopped me and said, "No. You're inspirational because you always look like you're having so much fun and you are so supportive of the other women riders." Having someone say that to me, felt better than actually winning a race.

And I Got Nothing to Lose but Darkness and Shadows

Here is part of a leg.

Sometimes I think everyone I know can be defined by just one of their parts. It's like when I turned our old TV set on as a kid. At first all I would see was one dot of light in the center of the screen, but then it grew and showed me the whole image. That's how I recall people too. My first mental image is that one representative part.

When I think of my mom, I always hear her voice first. Because she was a painter, you'd think it would be her hands, but it's not. It isn't even her normal speaking voice, it's the one she used when she was being silly and smarting back to the television or to my talking dolls to make me laugh. I don't think I can recall her normal speaking voice anymore, but I can still hear her making wise cracks.

It's similar with Coadster, but with her it's her singing voice. When I think of Coadster, the first thing that comes to me is her humming or belting out a song - which is pretty much how it happens in real life. When I walk into the house, I usually hear her before I see her.

With my uncle it's his eyes. All his anger and rage came out through his cold, blue eyes. When I was younger, I looked there first to see if he was on a tear or not. If they were bloodshot and looked like they were an inch away from exploding out of his head, I knew to make myself invisible. There was a storm a'brewin'.

With Stinky it's her eyes too, but for much more pleasant reasons...Okay, except for when she was a baby. She used to sleep 20 hours a day and wake up at 2 am. Since Coadster only slept eight hours a day, and woke up around 6 am, I was exhausted for those 4 hours in the middle of the night I spent with Stinky. She used to look at me, unblinking, with gigantic brown eyes and I was sure she was an alien and on her planet, they were nocturnal. Now, I think of Stinky and am instantly reminded of her big, beautiful brown eyes that can make me want to give in to her whims during my weaker moments.

I wonder if when I get very old and my memory fades and I can't see or hear, my friends and family will start to fade into their own representative parts in my cobwebbed brain. Then it will be like turning off the TV and the whole images of everyone I've ever known will recede into that one dot of light. Click.

I've Been Waiting for This Silence All Night Long

Here are some benches with caution tape across them. I guess sitting can be very dangerous.

A lot of stuff went down today:

1.) I got up and went to work. I had a little bit of a migraine hang-over so it took more energy than usual.

2.) After work I picked up Coadster from track practice and we went to Hy-Vee to pick out a boutonniere for her prom date. Neither one of us had ever done anything like that before, so we were happy that two of her friends worked there and could help us. Her friend M. thinks I'm great (probably because I'm not her mom) and loves giving me tons of shit. Her friend H. worked in the flower area and was very helpful.

M: I just ordered a flower for my date. I got him a gerber daisy (she meant gerbera) with a ribbon and some glitter.

Me: And you know how much high school boys love glitter...

M: What? Oh, I don't care if he likes it. I love glitter. Coadster, who are you taking to prom? (without waiting for an answer) Whoever it is, tell him if he hurts you, I'll kill him.

Coadster: I'm pretty sure we're just friends. And I'm also pretty sure he's gay, so you don't have to worry about him hurting me at all.

H: I love him. He's so much fun.

M: (after Coadster picked a white orchid with a silver ribbon for her date). You should also get glitter for his flower too. (Insert HUGE eye roll from Coadster here and finally directed at someone other than me) What?! You said you thought he was gay....

3.) After recovering from my high school girl conversation about prom dates and boutonnieres, I dropped Coadster at my house so she could do her homework, and I headed to the Hilltop for Supper Club and cheese fries dipped in Ranch dressing. Although I thought after the above exchange I really deserved a beer, I was migraine shy and went for a soda instead. Supper club was hilarious as usual, and I was actually able to speak to adults I had something in common with. That doesn't always happen during the week.

4.) At 7:30 I got home in time to take Coadster to fake bake. I have real issues with fake tans, but I do understand it's kind of important for her to try and even-out her ridiculous soccer tan made by wearing long socks and shin guards right before prom. Plus, she got a free introductory week.

5.) Stinky finally got home before I had to pick Coadster back up. She had track practice and then open gym for basketball, even though the season doesn't start until next Winter. By the time I got the girls to their dad's house, it was almost nine and I was pretty much brain dead. The crazy thing about it all, is that this was their dad's night to have them. I better rest up for tomorrow. There's no telling how busy I'll be when I don't have "time off".

Oh, But They're Weird and They're Wonderful

Here is the fence separating me from the beer garden at Joe's Place.

For those of you who are new here, my taste in viewing things, is much the same as it is for hearing things and eating things. I like everything, both good and bad. I will watch any hard hitting documentary, but all kinds of cheese too. I think I may have already mentioned the fact that when I was pregnant with Stinky, my friend Anne and I would try to catch every Sunday night made-for-TV movie and saw all three Joey Buttafuoco/Amy Fisher ones. Man, that was a banner year for television.

Anyway, I just wanted to clear that up before you try to start judging me on my viewing preferences. Don't bother. I get it. I have no filter and we can start right there. So, after that preface, I will now list some of the things I've watched recently:

Here is a funny thing that reminded me just a little bit of the robot from Lost in Space.

1.) The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency - I'm kind of digging this HBO series that takes place in Botswana. The music is great and Jill Scott does a really good job. Sure, it's quirky, and a little corny, and the mysteries all seem to be too tidily solved, but I like that about it. I also love that Jill Scott's character makes no excuses for her "traditional African form". She is big and smart and sexy and doesn't take shit from anyone. A girl after my own heart.

2.) Tough Love - This is total trash on VH1, but I watch it all the time anyway. At first, I thought it would be interesting to see what guys wanted in women, because lord knows, I have never been able to figure it out on my own. But, it hasn't revealed much except the usual: sexy vs. whorish and be honest, but say things in such a way that you put a positive spin on shit and don't be a drunken slut if you want a relationship and not just a hook-up. Now, I just watch it to feel better about myself. Most of the women on the show are shallow drama queens. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times; it's all about who you compare yourself to.

3.) Rescue Dawn - This is a Werner Herzog film with Christian Bale. I didn't know much about it before I watched it, except that it was a Vietnam flick. The first thing I noticed was that my college friend Toby is in it. He plays the funny guy, which is his normal gig, but he does it really well. The second thing was that it seemed really familiar, and then I realized it was the same story as a documentary, also by Herzog, called Little Dieter Needs to Fly that I saw several years ago. The movie was very slow moving, but the scenery and the character studies were pretty interesting.

4.) Rachel Getting Married - Many of you have already seen this Jonathan Demme movie. I know a lot of people had issues with it, but I really liked it. It's filmed in such a way that you feel like you just got dropped off at a wedding where you don't really know anyone and you have to figure out all the family dynamics on your own. Of course, the people were completely foreign to me. I've never come close to living in that kind of privilege, but again, I liked that escapism about it. Oh, and there was tons of great and varied music too.

I watched this with Coadster and it brought on some interesting conversations. The most obvious being the subject of addiction. I try to impress moderation and balance upon my girls. Most people are told not to drink, but most people end up drinking at some point in their lives. I talk to the girls about how to drink responsibly. As I've said many times before, I have to be very careful about how much I drink, because I have almost no tolerance for alcohol. They don't call me two beer Churlita for nothin'. I tell the girls that when they get to a point in their lives to drink, not to play drinking games or do a bunch of shots or share a pitcher. If you drink cans or bottles, it's a lot harder to get roofied and you can keep better track of how much you've had. I've also said, it's one thing to have a drink here and there but if you have to take drugs or alcohol just to get through the day, you need to look closely at what your real problem is.

The other subject we talked about was the family dynamic in the film. Debra Winger (I also made Coadster watch some YouTube clips from Urban Cowboy after she said she'd never heard of Debra Winger before. Some people may consider that child abuse) played the emotionally distant mother. Having me for a mom, Coadster thought she was really weird. She didn't understand why she couldn't just have a real conversation about things or want to share in her daughters' lives.

Coadster wondered if Anne Hathaway's character was the middle child and if that was why she needed so much attention. I said I thought so. Then Coadster made some comment about how everyone knows that the youngest kid always gets all the attention. Just like how Stinky is so much more spoiled than she was. I told her that I thought that was an interesting perception, since Stinky said almost the same thing about her just the other day. Coadster seemed shocked and wanted to know how anyone could think she was spoiled. I gave her several examples, and she said, "Oh. I guess I never thought about it that way."

Okay. That's probably enough of my pseudo movie/show reviews. Come back tomorrow and I'm sure I'll prattle on and on about nothing again.

Cause When You're a Celebrity, It's Adios Reality

Stinky with some of her friends when she was in grade school. This was the same year Sally Field's granddaughter went there.

Okay. I'm going to try again to get some sleep tonight. I'm posting something from my old blog again. This one is from November, 2005, and it's one where I do some name dropping. Wheee! Also, I messed around with the color of the text and it won't let me turn it black. Sorry. Here it is:

Since my last blog post, I got on this celebrity kick and so I'll be wearing it all the way out. Because that's what I do. The other day, the girls were watching Mrs. Doubtfire and while I stood there and watched with them for a second on my way to clean the kitchen, I realized that I had met both of the stars of the movie. Now, when I say met them, what I really mean is that I was in the same room with them and if they didn't speak directly to me, they at least spoke in my general direction or to someone else I knew. Close enough.

It's amusing to make connections between myself and people I see on TV. I love the idea of famous people. They never seem real. Which is why it is so much fun to talk about them. I like to make sweeping generalizations about them - really, about everyone and everything. I like to say things like, celebrities are just like us but they're shallower (my dictionary tells me this is more correct than saying, "more shallow" even though it looks awkward). Or, famous people are just like us but they're Scientologists. There is so much shit you can talk about celebrities. I don't even think celebrities think of themselves as real people and that's why they do such stupid things. That could be one of the reasons it is so weird to see a famous person in the flesh. They become real and it's not as easy to make sweeping generalizations about them. They also look different without all that make-up and kind lighting.

I met Robin Williams when I waited on him at the Courtyard Cafe on 24th St in San Francisco in 1986. He only had one son then and he was with 2 women. I think one was his ex-wife (his current wife at the time) and the other one could have been his nanny who turned into his next wife. She may have been someone totally different than that, but it's more fun to speculate and create fun fiction that you pass off as reality whenever you can. It could have been true. You never know.

All the other waiters kept asking me if I said anything funny to him. What did they expect me to do? Go up and say, "Hey, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the table...", or reprise my lame-ass Mork impersonation from junior high? Honestly, I think the last thing he would want is for some bonehead to come over and try their shtick on him while he ate in order to get discovered. So, I kept it low key and did my job and he was the perfect customer. He was pleasant, kind and he tipped well. I judged everyone back then by what kind of a customer they were, so to me, he was also a good person.

I met Sally Field two years ago at International night at my daughters' grade school. Her son Peter had been in the workshop in the early 90's and like many workshop alum, he moved away and then came back. His daughter was in kindergartern at Horace Mann and Sally was visiting during the event. She was very gracious and everyone was talking about it, but very few people came over and bothered her. At one point, my daughter and her friend were walking toward her and being all squirrelly about her being there but too shy to say anything directly to her and Sally (we're on a first name basis now) laughed and said, "Hello girls," and I think they both actually squealed. At this point in my life, I judge people by how nice they are to my girls and that's why I think Sally Field is a good person.

The thing about celebrities, is that they are like us but smaller. Both Sally Field and Robin Williams were about 4 feet tall close up. Sally was so tiny, I could have scooped her up in my arms and cradled her like a baby if I had wanted to. Obviously, I didn't want to. Even I'm not that fucked up.

Now, I think that may be just enough name dropping for one post. Come back tomorrow when I'm sure I'll drop some more. Because celebrities are just like us, only more interesting.

This Is My, My, My , Beautiful Day

Here's my mom and my oldest sister in our house in Scottsdale.

It's kind of a weird time of year for me. Some years, I can get a little down right about now. It would have been my mom's 77th birthday on Valentine's Day. I still can't imagine what she'd look like old. I know I've already mentioned this, but she died the age that I am now. Thinking about my mom and remembering Stinky's near fatal illness that happened this time of year, can make me sad if I let it.

Here is a photo of some sepia toned cornstalks.

This year, I'm surprisingly not letting it. I am, however, just a little on the blah side. It's like all the creativity drained out of me and I can't even think what to make for dinner anymore. Then when I do try to do anything, I screw it up. Like tonight, I tried to make tuna noodle casserole. (I know. Shut-up) I had never made it before, and it seemed really easy. The big problem was that I used frozen peas that I'd had for too long, apparently, and I put too many in. They just made the whole thing taste like stale freezer. I was able to pick off the wonderful top layer of crumbled up cracker and melted cheese, and that was just fine.

Here is a couch that has been abandoned and has weeds growing through it.

I am so ready for Spring. Unfortunately, Spring isn't quite ready for me yet. So, I decided to post a few old photos most of you have already seen before. They're both moody, and that's why I like to look at them. There is something I really appreciate about how stark Iowa's landscape can be in February. It looks like I feel right around this time of year - dormant. I get very internal and I prefer to be entertained, as opposed to entertaining.

I keep thinking back to last year, when I was dating a VERY social person. I asked him once if he ever let himself be alone and he said, "Well, when I am, I just pick up the phone and call someone." I couldn't understand that. It seemed like so much work to me to have to always be "on". As much as I would say this is probably my least favorite time of the year, there's a part of it that I'm thankful for. It's the only time I allow myself to rest and be a little slothful. I'm sure it's probably really good for me, not just the relaxing, but also the reflection. I think some self-indulgence can be healthy in small doses.

I Recall the Sunshine As You Were Melting

It's time for another installment of "what's in the storm drain by my house". I haven't taken a photo lately, because it's been covered with snow since the beginning of December, I think. Anyway, today you can barely see the grate because of all the sand that's covering it. There's also a chocolate milk carton, a plastic part to a car, a water bottle, and I think that's a Keystone beer can. Nothing but the finest for my storm drain.

Today, the weather was heavenly. It rained while I was at work, just like it always should. Then when it was time for me to run, it was perfect. I ran my four mile route and had no problem with it. I hope that means my cold is officially over. Which is good, because I am so over my cold. I'm so tired of my cold's bullshit, that I hope I never see its snot-filled face again.

The last couple of evenings, I've noticed the crows going all ape shit and flying in these huge swarms. Do crows swarm, or do they flock, or are they just big, shitting, cawing, pains in the asses, so who cares what you call their rallying together? They definitely have been overwhelming the sky and the trees. So, maybe now that I've kicked my cold to the curb, I'll start working on a nice case of the bird flu.

Even though the weather has been great, we are definitely at the ugly, ass-end of Winter. The snow is gray and dirty and now that most of it has melted, the exposed grass is brown and muddy. Lucky for me, I live across the street from a creek. The water is so dramatic right now, what with all the ice cracking loudly, and being pushed downstream. If this went on all the time, I might not need cable anymore.

Okay, my episode of Hodge Podge Lodge is over. (Does anyone else remember that show, or was it just in Arizona in the 70's?) I hope you feel at one with your immediate environment, and if you wanted to post a photo of what's clogging your storm drain, I promise to be fascinated by it.

Welcome to Your Life

On Monday I took photos of doors on my way home from work. As you will see, there are a lot of churches on my route. Even though I'm not big on walking through the doors and going inside, I really like looking at them from the outside.

Today marked my triumphant return to work and civilization as I know it. Right away, I got to call my nosy cubicle neighbor, Gladys Kravitz. Luckily, she's good natured about it. She even asked a good trivia question: What was Gladys Kravitz's husband's name on Bewitched? I said Lenny and then giggled for way too long trying to picture Lenny Kravitz having sex with the actress who played Samantha's nosy neighbor. The answer, if you really want to know, is Abner.

This pic and the next are of the same doors, but from different angles.

I ran today for the first time in THREE. WHOLE. DAYS. At first I was all whiny and thinking I should just stop and go back home and sit on the couch and eat some pumpkin pie I had leftover from our month early Thanksgiving feast, but I soldiered on and the endorphins kicked in and I got all high and felt like I should run for another couple of hours. When I was almost done, the East Indian dance music came on my iPod and I was this close to dancing right there on the sidewalk across the street from Lou Henri's. It was that great...Okay, remember I was high on endorphins too.

I like to look at things all different kinds of ways.

After dinner, I stopped by my friend K.'s boyfriend A.'s house to drop off some extra turkey and dinner rolls. They were just finishing dinner and his son, who is almost four, was playing this elaborate game of pirate. He had to ride on his belly on his mini skateboard in the kitchen to escape sharks, which were actually his dad's shoes. When his dad put them on to walk out on the porch, his son yelled, "Dad, the sharks are eating your feet!" I thought A's new pretend sharkskin shoes were quite fetching, myself.

This the church where my daughters go. It's super garish inside. I liked the Catholic church that got blown apart by the tornado better. And the other one that's still standing, has a polka mass that I've always wanted to attend. For real.

So, this whole new Facebook thing might just be too socially exhausting for me. No, it's actually good. I've reconnected with tons of people I haven't seen in years. The saddest thing, is that some of those people actually live in my same town and I still haven't seen them in years.

I've decided to rectify some of that by going over to my friend Sara's house earlier on Saturday evening. She lives about a block away from me and I haven't seen her in over a year. Yeah, I suck. Then, later that night, meeting my friend Lydia at the Picador. Some of our old punk rock friends who moved to Minneapolis many years ago, are coming down to play at the Picador. I haven't seen them since the 80's punk rock reunion they had here last March. It should be fun.

This house is about a block away from me. Obviously, it isn't a church, but I really like the cardboard faces they stuck on the door and the beam of the porch.

Right now, my plan tomorrow night is to just stay home and chill out and watch movies and/or read and drive Stinky around a little bit. Both she and Coadster have to be at work at 6:30 Saturday morning, so I can't see any of us partying too hard or too late before that.

And you? What kind of mischief are you all dreaming up for the weekend?

But We've Been Backed Against All Nature's Laws Far Too Long

Here's my shadow standing over the "Trust Jesus" signs that were painted on a lot of the sidewalks in Salt Lake City. Do you suppose anyone ever gets busted tagging for Jesus?

I don't know what it is, but the minute it gets even halfway cold out, my hibernation instinct kicks in. I'm ready to start storing food, put on my animal skins and retire to my cave. I guess I haven't really evolved all that much. (I'm sure I don't have to tell any of you that) It went from being in the upper eighties on Tuesday to barely sixty degrees and rainy today. I suppose it didn't help that I went to the farmer's market yesterday after work and got a bunch of basil, or that my friend J. gave me a ton of tomatoes from her mom's garden, so I had a great excuse to stay home tonight and prepare for Winter. I made four batches of pesto sauce to freeze. I think I'll make a couple more and that ought to hold us until Spring.

Oh yeah, that whole paragraph above was supposed to serve as my lame excuse for this post. I decided to just throw up some photos that are completely irrelevant to my post and yammer on about a bunch of dumb shit and call it good. Wait - that's pretty much what all my posts are like.

I thought I was being all slick snapping this photo in front of the Forever 21 store in San Francisco, until I realized a guy to my left and just out of the photo, was the other shoe shine guy and he made me pay him a dollar for taking this. Drat.

So, this weekend...I don't really have anything planned for this weekend. After last weekend, it's pretty much okay with me. I always tell my friends to text me if they're going to do something fun. So, who knows what will pop up in the next couple of days. If nothing else, I'd be thrilled to stay home and watch movies, and I thought I might actually go back to working on that weird painting I've been trying to get to for the last few years.

Here is Coadster walking ahead of me in Chinatown in San Francisco.

Tomorrow Coadster has part 2 of her showchoir marathon this week. She also got a job selling t-shirts and crap at Hawkeye games. She makes good money and she works with all her friends, so it's pretty social too. The only downside, is that I'll usually have to take her to the stadium at 6:30 on game days. Oy.

And here is Stinky's ponytail bopping around in Chinatown.

Stinky is going to a football game at the other high school in town on Friday night. Then I think she has a party or something to attend on Saturday night. Maybe it's good if I don't have a life, since it looks like I'll be spending most of my time shuttling my girls to their social lives.

Sooo, how about you all? Will you have lives this weekend, will you be facilitating someone else's life, or just hibernating in your caves with all your stored food and animal skins?

I Know You've Been Eager to Fly Now

Hey, kids. This will be a mostly photo post of my 4th of July. It was an action packed adventure, after my hangover finally left me. I went out to the Radillac Farm where the girls and I used to live for a while and watched some bands.


I missed seeing FMDM's band play, but I made up for it by flipping him a bunch of shit when I got there. As you can see from this photo where he's walking away from me and I think flipping me the bird, he may not have thought it was a fair trade off.


Anyway, the farm had all those things you generally associate with the 4th. There were cute kids playing with gigantic beach calls.


There were lots of big dogs getting tons of attention from all the humans.


And there was also someone getting hooks pierced through his chest.


So, he could be strung up by them just like in those Native American sun rituals. I have to say, it was pretty tough to watch. I'd have to snap a photo, and then look away, and then snap a photo and then look away. I don't really get why anyone would feel the need to do this, but I guess that's why they call this a free country, huh?

After I got back from the farm, Stinky and I were just hanging out, eating dinner and watching stupid TV before we went to watch the fireworks, when I went out to my car to grab something. I walked outside to the sight of 15 cop cars blocking off our street for about a block each way. There were also two bike cops and an undercover police car, plus two more in the alley behind our house. We live in about the safest, most residential neighborhood you can think of, so I was very surprised. I went out to ask one of the cops if I should be worried and lock my door, but he said they just caught the guy. Apparently, some total asshole was all raged out and threatening to shoot people. Awesome.

You wouldn't think we'd need anymore spectacle or excitement in our day, but we went to watch the fireworks anyway. Hey, it was the Fourth of July. What else were we going to do?

Believe it or Not It's Just Me

Here is a photo that Stinky took of Clinton Street in downtown Iowa City.

Tonight I had a ton of stuff that needed to get done, and because I'm a total fucking genius, I piddled away all my time making mix CD's for some of my friends. I know I've mentioned several times that I get a little obsessive about music and I own probably the best and the worst songs you'll ever hear. The big problem with me, (okay, one of them) is that I'm an equal opportunity music listener, so inevitably all of you will hate me for different cheesy songs I put on the CD's. Of course, I'm going to show them to you anyway. So, I made a cheesy dance mix with suggestions from friends and then added some of my own favorite Velveeta. I also put together a 70's am radio compilation, mixed in with a few TV theme songs for my favorite bartender S. who appreciates schlock as much as I do. Without further ado, here are my two playlists. I can't wait to feel the collective wince from the blogosphere.

Cheesy Summer Dance Mix

1. Cruel Summer - Bananarama

2. Don't Stop Til You Get Enough - Michael Jackson

3. Poison - Bell Biv DeVoe

4. Livin' On a Prayer - Bon Jovi

5. Fantastic Voyage - Coolio

6. Me, Myself and I - De La Soul

7. We Got the Beat - The Go-Go's

8. My Sharona - The Knack

9. Hey Ya! - OutKast

10. Fight the Power - Public Enemy

11. Hey Mama - Black Eyed Peas

12. What I Like About You - The Romantics

13. Wild Thing - Tone-Loc

14. Could You Be Loved - Bab Marley and the Wailers

15. Any Way You Want it - Journey

16. Get Up Offa That Thing - James Brown

17. Groove is in the Heart - Deee-Lite

18. December, 1963 (Oh What a Night) - Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons

19. PYT (Pretty Young Thing) - Michael Jackson


Seventies Pop Hits and TV Theme Songs:

1. Lonely Boy - Andrew Gold

2. Couldn't Get it Right - Climax Blues Band

3. Fooled Around and Fell in Love - Elvin Bishop

4. Sanford and Son Theme Song - Quincy Jones

5. I'd Really Love to See you Tonight - England, Dan and John Ford Coley

6. Never Been Any Reason - Head East

7. I Wanna Be Where You Are - The Jackson 5

8. The Banana Splits Theme Song - The Banana Splits

9. Dancing in the Moonlight - King Harvest

10. Shambala - Three Dog Night

11. Dance with Me - Orleans

12. Theme From The Greatest American Hero - Mike Post featuring Larry Carlton

13. Jackie Blue - Ozark Mountain Daredevils

14. Amy - Pure Prairie League

15. Ironside (excerpt) - Quincy Jones

16. Diamond Girl - Seals and Crofts

17. On and On - Stephen Bishop

18. I Saw the Light - Todd Rundgren

19. The Green Hornet theme - unknown artist

20. Don't Fear the Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult

21. Baker Street - Gerry Rafferty

22. Brandy (You're a Fine Girl) - Looking Glass

Okay, if those playlists don't leave you running for ice picks to dig out the ear worms, I don't know what will. You can thank me later - after you're calmed down, committed and on anti-psychotic meds.

She's a Loaded Gun in My Shaking Hand

This week's Saturday Scavenger Hunt word was chosen by Baby Bull. She picked the word clean.

Because I foolishly went out on Thursday night, I wasn't up for anything too crazy last night. I went to my friend K.'s house for a cookout. I made hummus and brought pitas. K. and her boyfriend grilled salmon and bacon wrapped asparagus and made tabouli and it was all so good.

K. is a huge Steelers fan and so, of course, named her dog Jerome after a certain football player. Jerome is very good at cleaning our plates after we're done eating.

After we were done eating, our friend Ashley brought over this cool life-sized (5'6") Playboy playmate puzzle from 1971. So, we pushed the table over and put it together on K.'s kitchen floor. If that isn't good clean fun on a Friday night, I don't know what is.

The Kind You Don't Take Home to Mother

Here are some pics from the bathroom at IC Uglies. My lesbian friends call it the girly bar.

Work today was REALLY challenging. They had a phone team call 1300 students to reschedule orientation due to the flood. They were only able to speak to 400 of them and the other 900 students called us today, in addition to all of our other calls. It was insane.

Luckily, my co-worker John was here today and he gave me more shit than ever. He made fun of me every time I messed up answering the phones. After you say the same thing over and over for eight hours straight, it's easy to start sounding either drunk or like Mush Mouth from The Cosby Kids.

It has to be the cleanest bar bathroom I've ever seen.

Apparently, I'm feeling random again tonight, so on to the next totally unrelated subject. My girls have been watching I Love the New Millenium on Vh1. I thought it was weird when they did I Love the 90's a while back, because they were talking about 5 years ago like it was ancient history. But we're still living in the new millenium, so what do they do when they get to the end? Start saying, I Love Five Minutes Ago? or I Love Right Now? Remember last weekend when Get Smart came out? Yeah, I feel super nostalgic about that shit.

Who doesn't like a good PMS poster in their bathroom?

Lastly, Stinky just cut her bangs, but she made the mistake of cutting them too short and they go straight across her forehead. Coadster told her she looked like Rick James in the "Super Freak" video. I'm sure nobody's surprised that both my daughters know that reference, but how many years of therapy do you think they'll both need for being exposed to that kind of cheese at such a young age?

Did My Words Not Come Out Right?

Here is a picture of a building in Davenport. I just liked the look of it.

Today was nice and warm and mellow. The girls were supposed to go to their dad's house, but they stayed with me until a little after nine. It was fine. I got to catch up on all the teen drama and tried to keep straight which friends they were on the ins and the outs with and then my head exploded.

This weekend was also on the mellow side. I caught up on sleep and got some cleaning done finally. I went out for a few hours both nights. On Friday we went to the Foxhead because our friend Brad was tending bar. Don't get me wrong, there were plenty of people there who I loved and I had a great time. It's just that there always tend to be certain uptight pretentious grad students who are WAY too cool for school, who make me want to be even more obnoxious than usual. Mostly though, I had a great time and spent all my energy on my friends in the bar and some drunk texting to people outside of the bar and it was great.

On Saturday I met my friend K. and her boyfriend A. at the Dublin. It was one of those weird nights there where there weren't very many regulars. It just meant that we had to give Scooter the bartender more of a hard time. I asked him to make me a girly shot and he told me I didn't really want one (which is what I predicted he would say) and then when I assured him I did, he said he would surprise me and K. with one and made us a really good and girly pineapple upside down cake shot. My friend K. said he would be into it and make us something good because he likes to mix drinks, so she got to be right too.

We talked to him about Rock of Love 2, because he's surprisingly really into that show. Then, not more than a half hour later, someone called down and told Scooter that Brett Michaels' tour bus was in front of the bar. I told him I'd go check it out. He asked me if I'd knock on the door of the bus and I said, "Duh. Of course". So, I went outside and knocked on the door of the bus. An old guy who looked like he could be from Keokuk, Iowa opened the door.

"Hi. Um, what's this bus for?" I asked.

"It's a charter bus," he responded, only slightly annoyed. I knew better than to ask straight out if it was Brett Michaels tour bus because it was looking less and less likely to be true and I doubted he had even heard of Poison.

"Okay, but what's it for?"

"It's for a bachelorette party," he said and I thanked him. I knew he wasn't lying to try to get rid of me either, since I didn't see even one bandana or cowboy hat on that bus.

I Want to Tell You Something You've Known All Along

Hey, here's this creepy gingerbread thing we found just sitting at the bar where we met the kilt wearing boys.

So, this is my 500th post on this here blog and I don't really have much to say. You'd have thought I would have saved something monumental, but I got nuthin'.

I went to see my friend Ed Gray play at the Picador tonight and that was cool. My girl crush might come into town tomorrow night and that's the coolest. I suppose I could put a text conversation I had on here from last Friday night. I'll warn you first that's it's completely wrong and inappropriate and so if you're easily offended, you probably won't want to read on. If you're not, it's just kind of ridiculous. I won't put the names of anyone involved on here either. Oh, and don't be surprised when it sounds like two 10 year olds. Remember, one of them is me.

Me: How's uranus?

Other Texter: My turd cutter is just fine thank you.

Me: Our friend (the person who was sitting next to me at the bar) is grossed out by the term turd cutter.

Other Texter: Our friend needs to get her shit pushed in.

Me: What? Do you mean ass fucked?

Other Texter: Excuse me. Our friend needs to have anal intercourse.

Me: Thanks for clearing that up.

See what I mean? Wrong, bad, immature and perfect for my 500th post. I think it sums up my blog nicely, don't you?

Dancing Until The Music Stops Now

See what I mean about the plethora of mosaic photos on here?

So, tonight was a nice quiet evening at home with the girls. Aside from a few phone calls, we were all home together all night. I tried to get some cleaning done since it looks like I'll be busy the rest of the week. But it wasn't all business either. Coadster and I also took time out of our busy cleaning schedule to embarrass Stinky with our double trouble total dork-out dance party. Just seeing the look of sheer horror on her face while we used the cheesiest dance moves we could think of, made the evening for me. At one point, Stinky warned me that I was going to have to shell out a lot of dough for all the therapy she'd need because of it, but I assured her, our dance party was only one of many reasons I'd be paying for a lifetime worth of therapy for her.

It was nice to have a break, because as I've mentioned the rest of the week is full, full, full. Tomorrow night, I'll do a quick run, then meet some friends at Shakespeare's for their Wednesday supper club. I'm only doing a drive-by to that, so I can pick up Coadster and head down to hear John Irving read at 8:15. I saw him speak at Frank Conroy's memorial service, but I've never been to any of his readings before.

On Thursday, the girls are going to watch their dad in his play at the University. Since they'll be gone, I'm going to meet some friends at the Dublin for drinks. I almost never go out on Thursday night, and I've had so many people tell me that it's a really fun night at the Dublin. I'll let you know if all the hype is true.

Okay, I better trot off to bed. This may be my only real shot at a full night's sleep for a bit.

Naughty Boys Need Love Too

Hey, kids. I'm going to say it loud, I'm back and I'm proud. I drove home in horrible snow and icy conditions with my friend T. and we made it here with all of our limbs in tact and as much sanity as we left with. (yeah, shut-up)

So, here's the deal. I'm beat, so I'm going to make this as short as possible so I can try to get some sleep. Tomorrow I can tell you about the drive and about how kick-ass my sister and bro-in-law were and how much fun my girls had with their cousins in Ottumwa and how much fun I had with Erik in St Louis, but for now, I'm showing you some pictures and following Erik's suggestion for writing about his friend who we shall call El Dozer.

First of all, let me say that El Dozer is one of the few people I've met who talks more shit than I do. I know. I didn't think it was possible either, but I'm hear to tell you that it is.

Secondly, El Dozer has ridiculed me and my blog, by reading the posts about Erik aloud to him in a mocking tone and then telling me that I was a geek and an attention whore by even having a blog. Right. As if, establishing an on-line community of readers with a bunch of people I've never met makes me a geek. And just because I post tons of photos of myself and my friends and then write text about myself and my friends for a bunch of people I've never met, does that make me an attention whore? Okay, you know what, you can shut-up and not answer that one either.

Let's get back to El Dozer. Even though he talks a lot of shit and has high-five tourettes after he's been drinking, it turns out, he can be tamed. All it takes is the right kind of discipline, and El Dozer is as docile as a kitten.

See? He can be taught to be quiet and respectful.

And then he's all about the love.

Okay. So, now that I wrote a post about El Dozer on my blog, does that mean I can call him a geeky attention whore too?

Sweatbox, Laser Beams, Flashing Lights and Wild Cards

Okay. It's Saturday Scavenger hunt day, and since I'm finally staying in on a Saturday night, I'm actually doing this one on time. The word this week was card. Everyone else did very creative photos for this, and since I'm posting last, I figured I'd try a different angle. This is the definition I'm using: a witty amusing person who makes jokes.

Here is a photo of my daughters in front of the Hilltop when they were younger, thinking they are quite the cards - just ask them.

Now dear readers, I have a question for you. Just say you were going to have a long distance guy come visit you in two weeks, and you wanted to make a fun make-out playlist for your iPod. This is all purely hypothetical, of course. But if you were, and you wanted to, what would be your favorite songs to make-out to. And as usual, you don't have to worry about them being too cheesy, because you all know that my love for cheese knows no bounds.

Sometimes I Don't Thrill You

So, yeah. Like I said, we had an ice storm, and you know we can't have any kind of weather here, unless I run around town documenting it. Just know, you'll be seeing a lot of photos of things dripping in ice for the the next few weeks at Churlita's house of cheese. Now, on with the Dinosaur Junior show...

Here is a picture of what the ice did to one of my favorite trees on the Pentacrest. Wah.

Okay, so the show on Tuesday night was really good. It was an early all ages dealy. And when I say all ages, it was high school kids up to people even older than me. I saw several folks with gray hair. I also recognized a lot of people from the hard core shows I used to go to in the eighties. I have no idea if they live in town, or if they drove from far away in the ice to get here, but I never, ever see them anymore.

I'm not very good at talking about music critic stuff. Basically, I'm on the level of "it had a good beat and you can dance to it..." Or in this case, for a bunch of old guys, they could totally rock, and according to what a guy I know named Matt said, the last time they played here they got into a fight on stage and broke-up shortly thereafter. The kids all seemed to be playing nicely together this however many years later.

Here it is close-up. Wah again.

I was surprised by the turn-out after the ice storm, but it was packed. The last time I was at a show with that many people in the Picador/Gabes was about ten years ago when Stereolab played. K. and I moved up front for the last couple of songs and the encore. There was a pretty big mosh pit, so we kept our distance. I was happy to see plenty of gray haired guys out there mixing it up though.

After the show, K. and I went back by the bar and we saw a guy K. went to high school with. He was there with another man and I had one of those "blog meets world" experiences. The man he was with, was a friend of the guy I was hanging out with this Summer. When he introduced himself to me, I recognized his name and said, "Hey, do you have a blog?" He looked kind of surprised and admitted that he did. I told him that I read it and had left comments on it in the past. He suddenly put it all together and asked me if I used to date his friend and remembered exactly which comments I had left. It was kind of cool. You never know if those meetings are going to be awkward or not, but he seemed totally great and we chatted for a bit before K. and I wandered downstairs to harass some other people we knew.