Monday, February 16, 2009

This Is My, My, My , Beautiful Day

Here's my mom and my oldest sister in our house in Scottsdale.

It's kind of a weird time of year for me. Some years, I can get a little down right about now. It would have been my mom's 77th birthday on Valentine's Day. I still can't imagine what she'd look like old. I know I've already mentioned this, but she died the age that I am now. Thinking about my mom and remembering Stinky's near fatal illness that happened this time of year, can make me sad if I let it.

Here is a photo of some sepia toned cornstalks.

This year, I'm surprisingly not letting it. I am, however, just a little on the blah side. It's like all the creativity drained out of me and I can't even think what to make for dinner anymore. Then when I do try to do anything, I screw it up. Like tonight, I tried to make tuna noodle casserole. (I know. Shut-up) I had never made it before, and it seemed really easy. The big problem was that I used frozen peas that I'd had for too long, apparently, and I put too many in. They just made the whole thing taste like stale freezer. I was able to pick off the wonderful top layer of crumbled up cracker and melted cheese, and that was just fine.

Here is a couch that has been abandoned and has weeds growing through it.

I am so ready for Spring. Unfortunately, Spring isn't quite ready for me yet. So, I decided to post a few old photos most of you have already seen before. They're both moody, and that's why I like to look at them. There is something I really appreciate about how stark Iowa's landscape can be in February. It looks like I feel right around this time of year - dormant. I get very internal and I prefer to be entertained, as opposed to entertaining.

I keep thinking back to last year, when I was dating a VERY social person. I asked him once if he ever let himself be alone and he said, "Well, when I am, I just pick up the phone and call someone." I couldn't understand that. It seemed like so much work to me to have to always be "on". As much as I would say this is probably my least favorite time of the year, there's a part of it that I'm thankful for. It's the only time I allow myself to rest and be a little slothful. I'm sure it's probably really good for me, not just the relaxing, but also the reflection. I think some self-indulgence can be healthy in small doses.

11 comments:

Remiman said...

Churlita,
It was pretty much a do nothing weekend around here too; a regrouping, no committment type.

rel

dmarks said...

Looking for Dorothy and Toto in that sepia-toned photo.

Tara said...

Being slothful feels good sometimes. I admire you for trying the tuna noodle casserole, I haven't made that one yet. I did try to make a standard tuna fish sandwich and succeeded. I used to love tuna fish but for awhile I couldn't stand it. I started to crave them again this weekend.

Pamela said...

Yeah, it's that time of year. Regrouping.

Nasty old peas are nasty.

Poptart said...

I am so with you, as you've noticed on FB. It's Feb/winter + Valentine's + my b-day. Hang in, we'll get spring and an awesome summer all too soon!

laura b. said...

I like your positive outlook on the blahs. A little introspection never hurt anyone. Well, it probably has, but that's a whole 'nother story....

dmarks said...

I did not mean for my previous comment to rhyme. I did not check it, at the time.

Brando said...

The blues and blahs can be therapeutic sometimes, though.

By the way, my brother Tickle is like that. He can't be by himself. He's like a social shark that has to keep socializing or he'll die.

booda baby said...

That's some serious restraint you show, managing to avoid making a tuna casserole for this long ...

I appreciate the people who are irrepressible in the socializing, but I don't feel a little bit bad for not being in to it. It's fun to see friends, fun to feel warm and welcomed, but I like my head and my creative space too much to give it up to - as you say - being On all the time.

The midwest can be tough. You don't go to a few things and pretty soon, people are pouting and acting like you're trying to insult them. This, I decided long ago, is their problem. I love them, but not enough to take care of them that way.

Churlita said...

Rel,

I really do love those kind of weekends.

DMarks,

They'll come riding in on a tornado soon.

Tara,

It would have been better if I hadn't messed it up. At least I know what I did wrong.

Pamela,

It is a good time of year for that, since I usually don't do it in the Summer.

LauraB.,

I know what you mean. There are some people who introspect themselves through a downward spiral.

DMarks,

You should get into hip hop.

Brando,

Social shark is a perfect term for that.

Booda Baby,

I don't feel bad about it either. I figure most people don't want me around when I don't feel like being social. How fun can it be to hang out with zombie girl?

Chance said...

Hope you're keeping healthy. Those genetic diseases can really trip you up.

There's got to a be a fine line between being comfortable with yourself and being too social --- I hardly ever return people's calls anymore because I'm just not interested in talking most of the time. But it would be healthier if I was a bit less hermitic. You sound pretty centered right now.