Help Me Up, Let's Keep On Running

Here are some bottom parts of people from when Coadster was in that play.

I have to say, I think the reboot was pretty damn successful. I had another fairly sleepless night last night, but I woke up feeling so much better and that weight on my heart had finally lifted. Yea, me! I mowed that woman's lawn after work and ran after that. I came home exhausted and planned to just go to sleep as early as possible, when I started getting a bunch of texts from different people. One was from my friend Matt C. He was in town from Denver and wanted me to meet him and a bunch of our guy friends at the Foxhead. I told him that I wasn't going out on such short notice on a school night, but that he could find me out this weekend. He said he had to drive his parents to Des Moines tomorrow, but he'd be back in town in the Fall and we'd meet up then.

Last night when I was cleaning the bathroom, I noticed some weird stuff that looked kind of like coffee grounds on the floor. When I looked more closely, I noticed there were termite looking things in it too and that it must be shredded wood from my subfloor. Holy hell! I've been calling the pest people forever trying to get them to come over and spray and they keep saying they're going to, but never do. I called today and told them that they needed to meet me. They said they'd be over at 3 tomorrow. So, I'm getting off work to try to take care of this. It's a bad combination of gross and stressful.

Okay. Now that I feel all refreshed from my week of introspection, I'm up for some fun this weekend. My girls will be out of town for most of the weekend at their dad's family reunion. Our friend JP is going to be in town from San Diego tomorrow night and we're all going to meet at a brewery pub on Gilbert St. I've heard the beer there is pretty tasty. Since I'm getting off work early, I figured I'd run my 8 mile route and leisurely get ready to go out.

Saturday I'm leaving open. My friend is having a memorial for her fiance who died a few months ago, and I told her I'd help her get ready if she needed any last minute assistance. The memorial itself is at 5. I'm sure it will be pretty sad, just because her fiance was such an amazing man. My friend is one of the most wonderful, positive people I've ever met, so I'm sure she'll also make some of it a celebration of his life. It's supposed to be over at 8. I'm not sure what we'll do after that. If my friend wants to go out and get away, we're kicking around the idea of going to the Motley Cow and hopefully sitting outside and eating appetizers and drinking cocktails (or for me - cocktail (singular)). It's also our friend Roger's birthday, and we promised him we'd meet him and his wife wherever they were celebrating for a bit too. I have no idea if all this rebooting will give me the kind of energy I need for all of this, but I'm pretty good at having my fun and taking off early if I need to crash and burn.

Of course, I'm also planning on running, working on the house and hopefully kayaking on Sunday when it's supposed to be ungodly hot out.

So, how about you all? Are you rebooted, refreshed and ready to rumble this weekend?

Eyes In a Moon of Blindness

Here is an easel all splayed out on a table.

A friend of mine described what I'm going through this week as "rebooting", and I think it's perfect. Not sad or pining - just cleaning out the extra files that were slowing me down and keeping me from being at my best. It means I haven't done a lot of excitingly crazy things. I've just been running after work and then cleaning up my desktop, removing extra icons, unplugging and restarting. The good thing is that when I'm done sorting through the people and things in my life that are worth keeping and those that I have to let go, because even though there are great things about them, they aren't terribly healthy or positive for me, I'll emerge from my reboot so much stronger and leaner.

As you all know, it's hard for me to let go, but I know it's necessary sometimes. Since this crap is all connected, the mental and emotional workouts are just as important as the physical ones. So, here's to doing the real work... No matter how much of a pain in the ass it is. I'm continually striving to get into the best shape of my life. Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.

Peace Came Upon Me and it Leaves Me Weak

All the rain here lately seems to be great for fungus.

Oh my Gawd, kids. It just keeps raining and raining and raining. This weekend was spent dodging storms and trying to do as many outdoor projects as possible before the rain started again. Today I managed to FINALLY finish planting all my lilies. If I'm lucky, they'll bloom before the first frost.

Looking down at the flat top.

I've been thinking a lot about death lately, since my friend's fiance passed and since the book I'm reading is all about loss. I feel lucky in some ways losing so many people who were close to me at such a young age. It's made me appreciate everything so much more...And to think about what would be important to me in my life if I were to die right now. So, I've been cataloging in my head the things I need to make an effort to do in my life:

1. Appreciate all the people I have while I have them...That means telling them how much I care about them and doing as much for them as possible. I know that's hard for some people to do, but it's so important.

2. Try not to let fear get in the way of the things I want to do or try. This has been tough for me in the past, but I continue to work on it. I'm almost always glad when I try something new.

3. Ask for what I want and know that I deserve it. I know I've talked about this before. It doesn't mean that I should be demanding, it means that I shouldn't be so damn scared of rejection.

4. Figure out what's important to me and then work for it. Sometimes the hardest part of this, is figuring out what's important to me.

5. Fix my shit. Again, I have to figure out what bothers me about myself first and then find ways to work on it.

6. Don't let anyone else make me feel like I'm not good enough. This one has taken me YEARS to work on...I was so good at letting people make me feel like shit about myself for so long, it's hard for me to stop doing it. Once I realize that someone is trying to do it to me, I have to just stay away from them. As I've said before, I have a hard time letting go of people...No matter how shitty they are to me.

7. Allow myself to rest and relax and slow things down and live in the moment...Uh, yeah. Like I said, I'm a work in progress. I'm trying hard to be better at this one.

8. Don't allow how I picture things in my head, to tarnish the way things actually are. I think that's a big control thing. Where I've imagined something and then when it doesn't materialize that way in the real world, I need to let go of my vision and be happy with what I have instead.

9. Realize every day is a gift and treat it like that. Sometimes there are only 5 minutes of good in a day -then I have to focus on those 5 minutes... Because if I look hard enough, there will always be at least 5 minutes.

10. Take good care of my teeth...Just in case I don't get hit by a bus tomorrow.

What are your words of wisdom for appreciating the hell out of your life?

I got Echoes In My Head

We got Coadster's senior pictures back this evening. This is my favorite one.

So, I took off work today, because I had some business to tend to. Turns out, the business was all tended to by 10:30. That left me with almost a whole day to myself while the girls were in school. What to do? There are so many amazing and/or productive ways to spend a day. I could have spent it with my music cranked and getting my kitchen all back together and organized, or I could have done some preparational paperwork in order to get ready for my taxes, or I could have given myself an indulgent day, to relax and take care of myself physically and emotionally. I chose the third option. I have been feeling a little isolated and out of sorts lately and I've been catching that hitch in my voice that means I might could be overreacting to things the last few weeks. So, before I end up writing this blog from my padded cell, I decided to slow my roll.

The first thing I did was take an hour and a half long nap, then I got ready and ran for well over an hour. I haven't done that in forever, and I can't tell you how necessary that is for me. I'm sure it's the combination of endorphins, constant repetitive movement and time spent without having to interact or answer a question, but just getting to run outside for that long fixes me in every way possible...And I was definitely starting to feel a little broken lately.

Anyway, after the run I took a crazy long, hot bath and emerged ready to be a better parent and person. The gift that was today, couldn't have come at a better time.

The traditional cheesy pose. She looks so pretty here, but this is the exact pose my friends and I make fun of when we do fake senior photos in bars.

After my self-indulgent day, I was ready to get back to business. My "me" time turned into "their" time. I took Stinky to a few places, so she could hand in her applications in hopes of attaining employment. Then we picked Coadster up at the before and after school program where she works and then went to the place where Coadster had her senior pictures taken so we could pick-up the final product.

I was so much more patient than I would have been when I helped Stinky make us her signature meal. She calls it Italian stir-fry, but what it is is chicken and veggies sauteed in garlic, butter, white wine, and basil and served over chicken flavored wild rice. It's actually pretty good, but it does take a while to cut it all up.

This is Coadster's favorite one. I like it too. I just think the other one shows her personality better.

Hey, I guess it's the weekend already...And the best part of that, is that I get three days off. Hurray! I've spent the last couple of weeks safely at home, which has been really good for many reasons, but there's always that problem of me not socially interacting with adults I have anything in common with, if all I ever do is go to work and then home. So, my bet is that I'll probably try to go out, at least for a little bit.

I have a couple of friends with a Friday birthday. One of them is having a party. I doubt I'll stay very long, but I'll at least try to do a drive-by and do some well-wishing. My friends should be returning from Belize on Saturday. Before they left, they said they thought they'd for sure want to go out that night to catch me up on all their whacky hijinx, but we'll see how they feel when they actually get home and there's all that jet lag to deal with and laundry to do.

How about you guys? Will you be dehibernating yourselves this weekend too?

Lights Going Out and a Kick in the Balls

Here is a road leading up to a barn and a silo thingy.

Have you ever had that? Where you're driving down a familiar road in your town? Your eyes are a little glazed over and you can see a car parked about a block away. Your mind is suddenly awake with perverse thoughts. You could go a little bit faster, crash into it and do a hell of a lot of damage.

You can hear it. The horrible sound it would make. The glass would break, your car would shriek as the front of it was pushed back, maybe as far as the hatchback. You are familiar with the metal taste of blood in your mouth and the pressure of the steering wheel crushing your chest. Such violence, what incredible force. All the world's pain and suffering happening right then in the small space of your vehicle.

You have the power to change your life forever. All those stupid things you worry your little pea brain about: Did you finally remember to pay the water bill, what will you make for dinner, what time was that show you wanted to watch? Those would be completely forgotten. Exchanged for something real, like survival and recovery. In a split second, the world would be a very different place for you.

As you finally pass that car, without accelerating, without making any kind of impact whatsoever, you think, "Whoa! Where the fuck did that come from?" Then you drive the rest of the way home with a little more purpose, carefully watching for any other obstacles.

*I thought I better put a disclaimer on here. This is really more of a writing exercise than anything. So, please don't worry about me, 'Kay? Though, you might want to worry about my writing...

This Could Be the Best Place Yet, But You Must Overcome Your Fears

Here is me pointing at you - yes you, with a pool cue.

I was giving a friend of mine some boy advice today. I instantly realized how ridiculous it was of me, and then laughed my ass off. In some ways it's pretty silly of me to give other girls advice about relationships, but in other ways, maybe it's not that crazy. For one thing, I put a lot of thought into boy/girl relations and for another, I seem to have done some social studying the last couple of years.

When I was younger, I stayed in horrible situations forever and only had a few relationships by the time I was 40 years old. Most of the guys I had dated and/or married could be put into two categories: the commitment phobe/emotionally retarded guys, or the control issue men who were really hard on themselves and if they were in a relationship with me, looked at me as an extension of themselves, and in turn, got mean any time they felt out of control or stressed in their lives.

As a way to figure out how to stop staying in bad relationships, I took a few years off from men altogether and learned how not to fear being alone, but instead, became scared of dating. The last two years, I tried to be more open and went out with different guys. What I've found out in all of that, is that there are as many kinds of men as you can imagine. It was nice to discover that I had options. As always, the trick is to find one who can put up with my shit, and who's shit I can deal with too. I haven't met that guy yet, but I've been close.

In the last month or so, I stopped putting any energy into game players, (whether they are doing it intentionally or not) and it has put an abrupt end to my current dating life. I haven't talked to Mr. B. since last month when he told me he was going to come and visit, and then called me a few days before that was supposed to happen to cancel. He said he got called in to work at his weekend job. I already know he only works from 4 pm -9 pm, so he could easily drive up the whole hour it takes to get here and hang-out after that. The last time he visited, he didn't get here until after ten anyway. I didn't argue that point with him, because it didn't matter. If he liked me enough, he'd make an effort to see me. So, I let it go. I will always like him as a friend, but I just don't have time for the excuses any more.

I also haven't talked to Neal for a bit either. He gave me his usual Saturday call a couple of weeks ago, and I just didn't pick up or call him back. If he wanted to be friends, I'd love to talk to him now and again, but he doesn't listen to me when I tell him that's all I can be to him. He made me promise to write him a letter, so I'll do that. I'm much better on paper, when I can edit myself anyway.

So, I'm changing my boy track again. I'm less open than I was last year. Which isn't to say that I'm against dating altogether. I just don't have time for the bullshit. I spent a lot of time and energy getting my shit together in how I deal with men, and now I feel like I'm in a great place. I'm no longer afraid to be alone nor am I scared to date. I know exactly what I want and I'm sure I won't wallow in an unhealthy relationship, waiting for something to magically change. If that means I end up alone, I'm really okay with that.

As far as giving my friend relationship advice is concerned, I'm probably no less qualified than anyone else is to give it. It's just kind of silly for anyone to offer up advice. It's one of those annoying things everyone has to learn for themselves, (usually the hard way) from their own experiences.

You're Gonna Drive Me to Drinkin'

First I want to say how sad I was to hear of Jerry Reed's passing. Let me just reveal another weird thing about me - I love trucker songs and I loved Smokey and the Bandit. I'm sure it's because I was at a very impressionable age when all that trucker/CB shit was everywhere in the 70's. I'm also pretty sure it didn't help that Greg Evigan looked the way he did in BJ and the Bear when I was in junior high. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah. Trucker hits. Jerry Reed's death..."East Bound and Down" is one of my favorite trucker hits, right up there with Dave Dudley's "Six Days on the Road" and I'm sorry he's gone now.

My girls walking past a sculpture in Salt Lake City.

Now on to my riveting (cough) life:

So, you know how much I love Stinky, right? If you're a parent, you probably also understand how she drives me to drinking too. This weekend, was no exception. She wanted money to go to the catholic school's Fall fun festival thing. I told her what chores she could do, for how much money and after procrastinating, she finally got most of her chores done, with the promise to finish up when she got home. I only had a twenty, so I told her to give me the other half back. Apparently, she decided to use all of it and just do that many more chores without asking me. Bad decision.

When she told me what she did, I was pretty ticked. She hadn't even finished the chores she was supposed to do for the first ten dollars. I told her that now she had to clean the whole house, and she was grounded from hanging out with her friends until they were done. Stinky and I did go to that movie, but she said she'd get everything done when she got home. She didn't.

Here is a photo of Coadster looking at me and Stinky refusing to turn around.

What she did instead was try to get everything done after school on Tuesday, before she went to a volleyball tournament. What that meant for me, was a phone call the second I was getting off work. She was crying and told me that she was trying to mop the kitchen floor, but held the mop up too high and broke the light fixture and some of the glass hit her in the shoulder and she was bleeding. Great. I walk to work and it takes me about twenty minutes or so to get home. I asked her if she thought she needed stitches, but she said it wasn't that bad, it just hurt. Her dad lives a couple blocks away, so she called him and he came over to help her clean up all the glass from the light fixture. By the time I got home, it was all cleaned up and the bleeding had stopped. I have no idea what she was doing to have to hit the light, and I probably don't want to know either.

So, yeah. I've been through this boundary pushing stuff before with Coadster. It sucks to have to be on them all the time, but I know things would be much worse if I didn't. Just last week I was talking to Coadster about it and I said for the thousandth time, "My job isn't to be your friend. My job is to make sure you guys are safe, and that you grow up to be decent people."

Coadster said, "Good. I think those moms who try to be all cool, are kind of creepy."

"Well, you'll never have to worry about that with me. I've never been cool, and I don't plan to start anytime soon," I assured her.

"I know. I doubt you could be cool if you tried."

"Um, thanks...I think."

I Can't Do It Anymore and I'm Not Satisfied

At some point in the trip, each of the girls took a headless picture of me. I'm not quite sure what it means. Here's the one that Stinky shot of me after I lost my head at the beach...

So, tonight I was going to tell you about the demise of the thing with that one guy, right? Okay. Here goes:

You know how when you're driving for twelve hours you have lots and lots of time to think? Well, when I had all that time, I did some reevaluating and just thought that it was weird how the wedding date guy never really asked me any questions or wanted to find out much about me. I asked him a lot of questions about himself, but he never seemed to reciprocate. It all starts with a physical attraction, but it also ends pretty damn quick if that's all it is. So, I was thinking about letting it go anyway.

At one point we had talked about him coming to see me when I got back. So, I thought I'd text him to let him know I was home and see how it all panned out - you know, just to give it one last chance. I didn't hear back from him for a couple of days, and I figured he wasn't going to make it and that was fine. My girlcrush told me she was going to be in town anyway and I still had tons of unpacking and cleaning to do. Plus, I desperately needed some time alone.

Then on Friday evening, he texted me. I'm pretty sure he went drinking after work. He said he couldn't remember what weekend he was supposed to come down. I told him it was this weekend, but it was actually better that he forgot. Then he said he wanted to come up on Saturday anyway. I really didn't want him to, but he persisted. It turned out that my girls were going to be out of town, and I thought it might be a good time to see if there was anything to salvage, so I agreed. It just meant that I was going to have to get a hell of a lot of shit done before he got here. So, instead of seeing my friends, I stayed home and cleaned and tried to get ready for his visit.

At 10:30 the next morning I got this weird, vague text that said "due to a prior commitment" he had to cancel. What? First of all, I think a cancellation deserves a phone call, and a real explanation. Second of all, who badgers someone about coming to visit them and doesn't remember they had something going on until the next morning? He said he was sorry and it made him so sad that he couldn't make it and blah and blah and wank, wank, wank. It was really the excuse I needed. If I was waiting to see how things went, I guess I just watched them go out the door. I wasn't really even sad about it. In my head it was over.

Tonight he texted me again to apologize and say he'd make it up to me. I told him I thought I deserved a phone call and a real explanation. He still didn't give me either of those and so I finally texted him back to say I couldn't do it anymore. It was weird to do that in a text, but it was pretty clear he wasn't into actually having to talk to me about it, so that's what I was left with. He seemed completely fine with just being friends. It was the easiest non-break-up I've ever had.

I know I'm always saying this too, but I'm a relationship girl, so this non-relationship stuff feels weird to me. The big problem, as I've found out, is that relationships are hard to come by, and so my only alternative is to go years without dating and I've been told by my friend Allison after that last four year dry spell that the monk thing isn't healthy either. Right now, I guess all I can do is keep being open and see what happens.

...And here's the one that Coadster took of me after I lost my head climbing rocks at King's Canyon.

Things between me and the wedding date guy seem totally cool. We agreed to be friends and we both said that our time together was great while it lasted. I'm sure it will feel a little weird the next time we see each other, but I'm also pretty sure we'll get over that quickly and be just fine.

Now, tomorrow I'll finally finish the roadtrip chronicles and then we can go back to our regularly scheduled programming of bullshit, bullshit and more bullshit. Sweet!

Ice Age Heat Wave, Can't Complain

Here is a picture of my reflection in the windows on the backside of Halsey Gym.

So, this will be another one of those quickie posts. I think my natural disaster hangover is finally lifting. I slept way to much the last two days, but I'm going to try to change that starting tomorrow. I am finally old enough to realize that being in denial about negative emotions I have will only come back ten fold and bite me in the ass later. So now I try and let myself feel that shit, until I'm back up and laughing and otherwise acting like a total dork ass. Coadster and I also went to a movie, because as I've said a million times, escapism is one of my favorite coping mechanisms. We saw the M. Knight Shamalamalama movie, The Happening. All I'll say about it, is that the premise was way more interesting than the actual movie.

Tomorrow I have to get up early. I think Coadster and I will try to go down and help load our unused sandbags onto trucks so they can take them to communities down river who are now eating the same shit sandwich we were just served up for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the last couple of weeks. I hope it helps them.

Okay, that's all for now, kiddies. We'll see how sore I get from lifting sandbags and if I'm able to type tomorrow night. Have I admitted to you that I have no upper body strength before?

Somethin's Burnin'

Here is a picture of a taffy pulling sign that I thought was kind of fun and kitschy.

First, I want to thank everyone and all their well wishing from my last post. I went to bed and the first couple of hours were rough, but somewhere during the night, the pain subsided. I've gone an entire day without a migraine and it's been wonderful. We'll see what happens when I go back to work tomorrow. I had a dream last night that only me and one other person showed up for work and we had to do everything that thirteen people normally do. I also had a dream that I worked at the Hy-Vee deli and I smelled exactly like the plastic wrap taste of the food there. So, apparently, I'm stressing out a little bit about going back to work...And smelling bad.

Except for the migraine, my weekend was grand. (as my Irish ex-boyfriend used to say) I was really good about hanging out by myself on Sunday and today. The girls were out and about and last night, while under the influence of my brain pain, I stupidly told Stinky she could have a couple of friends stay the night after the fireworks from the Regina Fall Fun Festival. Because, really, nothing is better for a migraine than three thirteen year old girls cranking bad pop music, singing to it, and dancing around.

I won't go into any detail about the shit I got done around the house, since it bores me to even think about it. Suffice it to say, I should come home from work to a clean house, that won't stay that way. Sigh. The most exciting thing about it, was that my vacuum cleaner died. Every time some appliance breaks, I'm always sure it's going to explode, (uh, spaz much, Churly?) but this time, my Don Knotts, bug-eyed spazzing was a little justified, since there were actual sparks shooting out of the vacuum. I took Stinky with me to get a new one and then we had burgers and shakes for dinner, just like they do in those old TV shows where teenagers hang-out at the soda fountain with their pals Chip and Kitten. The only difference is that we didn't go to a cool soda fountain, and Stinky found a fly dying in her milk shake. (for real - and we didn't put it there either) She got another shake and a free dessert, so it was fine in the end.

Tonight, was more mellowness. My friend G. offered to help me with any of my XBox questions and so I took him up on it. I'm not very good at asking for help, but if someone offers, then heaven help them. Poor guy. He was very helpful, but I'm sure if he had to hear me say the word "thingy" over the phone one more time, he probably would have thrown his cell phone across the room.

When There's No One Else in Sight, In the Crowded Lonely Night

I can't believe what a good sport Stinky was being here. She's about as afraid of clowns as I am.

Well, kids. I made it through today - barely. It was as bad as you'd think the first Monday back after a week's vacation would be. It was also the girls' first day back to school. When I got to work, it was apparent that my computer was once again crawling with viruses. The IT guy was out of ideas, so he just wiped the system clean and I had to start all over again. That meant remapping my keyboard and reloading every program I had on there - not to mention I lost all the music I ripped onto Windows media player. Wah. It probably wouldn't have been so bad, had I gotten any sleep the night before. I got so off of any kind of sleeping schedule during my vacation, that I didn't fall asleep until well after two. Wah, again. I was even too tired to want to shoot hookers when I got off work, so I'll have to wait until tomorrow for that.

The last week or so, I've been trying to just spend some time alone and do my own thing and clear my head a little... Or a lot, would be ideal. I've discovered that it's nearly impossible in my life right now. I was thinking Saturday night would be good for that, but I found out at the last minute, they were having a block party. I haven't been very good about spending time with my neighbors this Summer, and they all comment on it whenever I see them. So, I figured I better make an appearance. When I walked over the first time, I only recognized a few people. We seemed to have had a ton of people move in and out this year. Since I wasn't in the mood to meet a bunch of new people, I just kept on walking. When I got closer to my house, my friend K. called me. I told her that I only felt like talking to about three people in the world right then, and unfortunately for her, she was one of them. I stopped by her house until Stinky called to tell me that the neighbors I actually knew had shown up at the party.

When I went back, it was pretty fun. I only drank one glass of homemade sangria, but that didn't stop me from making an ass of myself. I did checkity check myself after I did some poppin', and before I started break dancing. One of my friend's husbands was trying to goad me on by threatening to find me a board, but I was smart enough to know when it was time to go home...At least that night.

I'm still looking for that alone time. Although, I'm not counting on it anytime soon.

Spread the Word Around, Guess Who's Back in Town

I got my first text message today by someone who wasn't my daughter. It was from a friend who was in town visiting and wanted to go for a drink. I had Stinky, so I couldn't make it, but I also kind of needed some shut-in time. I called tech support for Verizon to see if I could get my phone to take more songs, and all they could do was tell me to uninstall and reinstall their program and it still didn't work. I hate it when things don't work and it pains me that I'm such a nerd, but have absolutely no mad geek skillz. I gave up and watched The Notorious Betty Page instead.

In the next couple of days, my friend Colleenyweenie (as my girls so affectionately call her) will be in town from New York. Hopefully, Coadster will be able to see her this weekend.

My daughters have very fond memories of her from when she stayed with us about six years ago. At that time, she was just moving back from Japan and I was about a month away from ending a long term relationship. Apparently, we both had to blow off some steam, and boy howdy, did we. We went out and drank a lot. During the days, we would both be hung-over and lie on the couch with the girls, eating gross comfort food like tuna helper or grilled cheese sandwiches and soup and watching movies like The Goonies and Beetlejuice.

On the nights we didn't go out, we stayed at my place and had fashion shows with clothes Colleen brought back from Japan and Thailand, mixed with weird crap the girls had in their closets. Hmmm.

We also had dance parties where Stinky showed us her break-dance moves. That's Miss Electric Boogaloo to you.
I'm not sure what I was doing in this photo, but whether I was falling over, or wildly gesticulating, or doing the hokey-pokey, once again, I look like a total dork.

Since Colleen and I are in very different places in our lives now, and she'll be staying with another friend this time around, I'm pretty sure her visit will be way more mellow. The girls and I will just be happy to see her. Last year she gave Stinky a lecture about how she should listen to me and try not to grow up so fast and Stinky didn't roll her eyes once. Now that I think about it, Colleen might just be magic. If only she knew how to download music into my phone...

Spitting in a Wishing Well

Here is a messed up bike in a rack I saw on my way to work one day.

On Tuesday and Wednesday of this week, I was grouchy and I don't know why. I may have been sleep deprived or I might have had a little Spring fever, but whatever it was, it made me all spaced-out and irritable. I wasn't the only one. I walked into the bathroom and one of my co-workers was hiding in there by the sinks. I asked her how she was, and she said. "Churlita, I don't know, but I think I hate the whole fucking world right now. And obviously, it's bad enough for me to drop the f-bomb at work." I told her, that to me, there was no better place to drop the f-bomb than at work. It's almost always justified.

I got crankier as the day progressed yesterday too. In that frame of mind, I decided to put my futon back together. I'm sure I've said this a million times, but I'm not very mechanically inclined. I actually did okay with that part, but I could really have used another pair of hands because it was not only heavy but cumbersome. Next time, I'll be smart enough to wait until I can get my neighbor, who is always very good about helping me with mechanical fixes or heavy lifting projects, to assist me. I actually did kick it and swear at it at one point, and yes, it did make me feel much better, thank you.

Tonight though, things started turning around. I ran for a long time after work, and then later in the evening, I did a wonderful thing for myself. I took in about an hour's worth of Jackass. I'm telling you, it's the perfect antidote for grouchiness. If watching sixty minutes of grown men farting, crashing into shit, and kicking each other in the balls doesn't perk you up and restore your faith in the world, I don't know what else will.

And You Used to be So Sweet I Heard You Say

Here is a picture of two corn cribs, in case you're not from a farm state and didn't know what they looked like.

Tonight I went to my friend A.'s house and and visited with her and my other friend G. It's St Patrick's Day, on a Saturday and I didn't drink one drop of alcohol. How odd. I think this post would be way more entertaining for you and embarrassing for me, if I had.


It's late and I'm tired, so this will be mercifully short. You know how lately things have been breaking down in my life, and people keep fixing them for free and another friend offered to try and help me out with Cubs tickets? Do you think all of that is because I live in Iowa and people here are just that nice, or do you think I was really fucking awesome in another life, and I'm finally getting my karmic props?

Break It On Down

Hello, big, tall tree in College Green Park.

So, last night my futon broke. It, being a futon, is our couch and the bed I sleep on when the girls aren't at their dad's house. (which is most nights) I think something unscrewed and one whole side came down, pulling out the mission style slats under the arm.

I seem to be going through another break cycle in my life. I'll be humming along, not really noticing how good I have it and then, bam! Things start breaking down. It didn't happen when I was younger so much, because until my mid-twenties, I could fit pretty much everything I owned in a backpack and one of those huge army duffel bags. As my brother says, the less bells and whistles you have, the less things that go wrong. But now I own things, and things eventually fall apart. This past month has just been a painful reminder of that.

I would like to say I calmly surveyed the damage, trusted my instincts and fixed the situation, but I think you all know me better than that. I don't ever trust my instincts, because they always tell me to spaz. I did survey the situation and called in Stinky, who is the one in our family who can fix things, to help me figure it out. We tried a bunch of stuff, but there are little nail thingys that keep the slats in their places and most of those nails had been pulled out and twisted. I tried for over an hour to get the dowel thingys in their holes and the nails back in the wood, but it never quite fit together. I stepped away from the whole mess, thinking that I was so not above, just duct taping that whole side and hoping for the best. Instead, I threw my futon down on the floor and decided to sleep on it. (literally and figuratively)

When I woke up today, I had an amazing idea. I would go to The Futon Store and see if they could fix it. The guy at the store told me to bring it in and they'd see what they could do. This is the first time in years and years, that I've had enough money (read, credit) to pay someone to fix shit for me. I doesn't seem quite real. I'm sure I sounded like a total hillbilly at the store when I said, "You mean to tell me that alls I gots to do, is bring that puppy in here and ya'll 'll put it back together for me, for just a little bit of money? Well, shooooot. Hot damn!"

So, tomorrow, I'm going to take my futon couch apart and bring the right arm in to see if the futon guys can make it all better for me. After Stinky helped me work on it last night, I apologized for being stressed out and said I hoped she didn't feel like I was taking anything out on her. She replied, "No. You were good. I just knew you were upset, because you kept saying the F word. I wanted to laugh, but I remembered how you say there are times when you can laugh at yourself, and other times when you won't think it's funny, and I thought this was one of those times." Stinky has never been more right.