Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Break It On Down

Hello, big, tall tree in College Green Park.

So, last night my futon broke. It, being a futon, is our couch and the bed I sleep on when the girls aren't at their dad's house. (which is most nights) I think something unscrewed and one whole side came down, pulling out the mission style slats under the arm.

I seem to be going through another break cycle in my life. I'll be humming along, not really noticing how good I have it and then, bam! Things start breaking down. It didn't happen when I was younger so much, because until my mid-twenties, I could fit pretty much everything I owned in a backpack and one of those huge army duffel bags. As my brother says, the less bells and whistles you have, the less things that go wrong. But now I own things, and things eventually fall apart. This past month has just been a painful reminder of that.

I would like to say I calmly surveyed the damage, trusted my instincts and fixed the situation, but I think you all know me better than that. I don't ever trust my instincts, because they always tell me to spaz. I did survey the situation and called in Stinky, who is the one in our family who can fix things, to help me figure it out. We tried a bunch of stuff, but there are little nail thingys that keep the slats in their places and most of those nails had been pulled out and twisted. I tried for over an hour to get the dowel thingys in their holes and the nails back in the wood, but it never quite fit together. I stepped away from the whole mess, thinking that I was so not above, just duct taping that whole side and hoping for the best. Instead, I threw my futon down on the floor and decided to sleep on it. (literally and figuratively)

When I woke up today, I had an amazing idea. I would go to The Futon Store and see if they could fix it. The guy at the store told me to bring it in and they'd see what they could do. This is the first time in years and years, that I've had enough money (read, credit) to pay someone to fix shit for me. I doesn't seem quite real. I'm sure I sounded like a total hillbilly at the store when I said, "You mean to tell me that alls I gots to do, is bring that puppy in here and ya'll 'll put it back together for me, for just a little bit of money? Well, shooooot. Hot damn!"

So, tomorrow, I'm going to take my futon couch apart and bring the right arm in to see if the futon guys can make it all better for me. After Stinky helped me work on it last night, I apologized for being stressed out and said I hoped she didn't feel like I was taking anything out on her. She replied, "No. You were good. I just knew you were upset, because you kept saying the F word. I wanted to laugh, but I remembered how you say there are times when you can laugh at yourself, and other times when you won't think it's funny, and I thought this was one of those times." Stinky has never been more right.


Jay said...

It's too bad furniture doesn't have an expiration date. You could do some real damage falling out of a futon.

Mr Atrocity said...

Stinky can read you like a book, no?

Margaret said...

brilliant, i'd have never thought to call the store about getting it repaired

Not-faint-hearted said...

Stinky rocks. So do futon stores.

booda baby said...

Wow. Floodgates. Memories. Stuff like that. And another vicarious thrill. Don't you LOVE when stuff works out?!

I like to think it's a BIG step towards adulthood, figuring out that we actually belong in that economy out there.

I kept waiting for a sign, but in the end, it was just like all those credit card offers - available to EVERYONE.

Ryan said...

This makes me remember the La-Z-Boys Mom used to buy for the living room. I broke 3 of them when I was a kid because I kept climbing up on the arm wrests and riding them like a horse. The important part is that they had good lives and lots of memories. No regrets!

Bice said...

I would love to hear you say...

"You mean to tell me that alls I gots to do, is bring that puppy in here and ya'll 'll put it back together for me, for just a little bit of money? Well, shooooot. Hot damn!"

That would make a good radio clip. :)

Churlita said...


I know, I was really glad that it didn't happen while I was sleeping.

Mr Atrocity,

That she did. Thank god.


I thought it was weird that it didn't occure to me until I went to the store to check out prices for a new one.

Not Faint Hearted,

I totally concur.

Booda Baby,

Now that I'm forty-one years old, I'm really looking forward to one day reaching adulthood.


I hope it's fixable, if not, I shell out for a new one and I'll try really, really hard not to have regrets.

Churlita said...


If you were looking for that homespun, Southeast Iowa sound, it would. What exactly are you going for with your show? Is it all fun, fun, fun?

David in DC said...

When I was a wee tyke and my mom was single, trying to pay the bills and keep the checkbook in the black, she once asked me if I knew she loved me more than anything in the world.

I replied "everything except bills."

She reports that I was not petulant with this reply, but very matter-of-fact.

She told me I was mistaken, that she loved me even more than bills, and asked where I'd gotten that idea.

Math has always been a struggle for mom.

I told her that I knew I could interrupt her any time at all, except when she was doing the bills or working with the checkbook (I didn't know from "balancing" in those days).

I think Stinky has the same sort of insight into you, through your use of the F word.

Kids sure do keepo you humble.

Killer said...

I break a LOT of furniture. My furniture, my friends furniture, random restaurant furniture, it is all victim to my size.

Churlita said...


Why can't they just make sturdier furniture?

I don't know what happened with mine. I think the screw loosened because I pull it out a lot for a bed and never check them. I swear, if it ever gets fixed, that I'll check them from now on.

Remiman said...

Is the "F" word Futon? ;-)

Bice said...

The show is all about the fun unless someone wants to call in and get serious that is. :)

Churlita said...


Of course. What did you think it meant?


That's so great. I'm glad you're having so much fun with it.