Saturday, March 10, 2007

I Don't Feel Tardy

The thing about getting off work early to go to Stinky's talent show, was that it took place at her junior high. In case you haven't been in a while, junior highs are scary places full of bad smells, tan colored lockers and feral hormones - lots and lots of hormones. If they wanted to, the hormones could all band together and take over the school. Fortunately, or unfortunately for us, hormones have no attention span and might be able to all rally together for a few minutes, before a totally hot hormone of the opposite sex came along or a really weird and slutty hormone of the same sex walked by, and they stopped conspiring to either ogle or talk a bunch of catty shit.

What was I writing about again? Oh yeah, the talent show. I have no pictures of Stinky and her friend singing, because I got there right when they started, and realized that Stinky's cousin had used up our memory card in order to take copious shots of herself looking pouty and alternately flashing gang signs, making the peace sign or flipping off the camera. Don't worry, I was able to delete all of those charming pics in time to photograph the male teaching assistants dressed in drag. Clearly, I have my priorities.

I was also smart enough to stand aside when the show was over, so as not to get trampled by the rabid, hormone filled beings fleeing the asylum on the Friday before Spring Break.


a said...

yes I think I can smell the place just reading your description -

Churlita said...


Maybe they've finally figured out how to make the blogs scratch and sniff now. How scary.

Greg said...

You chose teachers in drag over MySpace profile material? Dude, your priorities are seriously screwed up. :)

Churlita said...


I've been told that many times before. Believe me, my daughter doesn't need anymore Myspace profile material. She's got that covered a hundred fold.

dmarks said...

"Revenge of the Hormones II: Spring Break"

fringes said...

If they took out those lockers and replaced them will hallway cubbies, junior high would be a much simpler place. All the electronics would stay home and the personal stuff would be held close. Just like elementary school.

I think I'll keep Buttercup in fifth grade until she's 20. 25 maybe.

Churlita said...


Isn't every Spring Break a Revenge of the Hormones movie?


I think keeping Buttercup in 5th grade forever would be wise. I do have a daughter in high school, so I know it's possible for them to make it through jr high alive.

Remiman said...

Hormones? I only remember the smell of dirty athletic socks. They aren't the same are they?
I wonder why guys always think they have to dress-up in drag to be funny. Way back before you were a twinkle..... On a senior night (1963), just before I graduated from high school, 6 of the senior football players, including yours truly, dressed up in tutus and tights and staged a football play to ballet. It was hilarious and did get plenty of guffaws. I've got a photo some where. If i can locate it, I'll do a "I Remember ......." some Friday in the future.

Churlita said...


It is funny, though. I would love to see the photo and read the whole story when you post it on your blog.

Dana said...

That teaching assistant with the pony tails might be kind of cute. Hard to say, though. I might just be into his hair.

Churlita said...


If I've said it once, I've said it a million times; it's so hard to tell if guys are cute or not when they're wearing wigs, make-up and dresses with padded booties.

Margaret said...

You were a wise woman to avoid the stampede... the teachers had some nerve, wearing those outfit and calling drag their "talent"... that'd be like me getting up to sing!

Killer said...

Whenever I see a group of Jr.High kids standing around I feel an intense desire to beat them up. They always seem to need it.

tkkerouac said...

great read!

Churlita said...


They were also lip synching to Video Killed the Radio Star. Luckily, they didn't try to sing.


Yeah, but it wouldn't probably help them, and it wouldn't be worth the jail time either.



Lynnster said...

I would be fine with going back to high school, but you couldn't pay me enough to go back to junior high. Not for a million bucks, no way, no how. Eek. I think I got hives just reading about your visit there.

mist1 said...

Where I live, male teaching assistants dressed in drag would probably be followed by protests and many people being burned at the stake. It would be in the name of G*d, of course.

Churlita said...


I couldn't even handle going back to high school. I didn't mean to freak you out, I just wanted to make people feel better about their lives, because no matter how bad things got, at least they didn't have to step foot in a junior high.


It says right there in the bible that god wants people to attack men in drag.