For Long You Live and High You Fly

My hyacinth - complete with garden bugs on it.

When Coadster was very young, she used to get upset and I'd work with her on her breathing to help calm her down. "Okay. Let's try it. Take long, deep breaths. In through your nose and out through your mouth."

Because Coadster is about the most stubborn person I've ever met, she eventually told me, "No! I won't breathe and you can't make me!" I would try really hard not to laugh, while in my head thinking,

"Okay, then. You stop breathing and let me know how that works out for you..."

I'm sure you like looking at photos of my bleeding heart(s).

No one ever learns how to breathe, they just get a slap on the ass, and on they go...Breathing. But like everything, there are ways to screw it up...And if there's a way to screw something up, chances are, I'm really, really good at it.

When I was a patient advocate at the clinic, I helped people breathe their way through uncomfortable procedures. The correct technique can calm a person down and help them manage their pain. The wrong kind of breathing can do just the opposite.

I'm fine if I'm doing moderate exercise at a decent speed, but when I try to keep up with the faster kids and start to push my limits, my breaths become faster and more shallow to match my leg speed. What that does, is keep me from getting the good red blood cells from the bottom of my lungs to my muscles, my legs start to fatigue, I don't get enough carbon dioxide out, it makes me panicky and eventually will cause me to cry and slow WAY down. Once, when Coadster and I were in an accident and I had a severe concussion, I hyperventilated so badly, that it seemed as though I was having a seizure, and the nurse literally made me breathe into a paper bag.

Now that I'm taking myself completely out of my comfort zone for speed in running and biking, I've become all too aware of how badly I breathe during a hard effort. So, now I'm trying to teach myself to breathe better. I am working on taking long, slow breaths that come from the diaphragm and are exhaled completely. I am finally following my own advice. I have no idea how well I'll do during races, when I'm exhausted and not thinking straight and can't remember my own name, let alone how to practice "low" breathing, but I'm going to try. A long, deep breath. In through the nose, and out through the mouth. It seems like such a simple thing...

Well, Holy Moly, Me-O-My, You're the Apple of My Eye

Here are some bracelets they gave us at the sushi place we went to last night. If it weren't so blurry, it would be easier to see that The Guy's was a fake bug. I liked his best.

Our Valentine's Day was lovely. I'm not much of a celebrator of Hallmark holidays, but I'll take any excuse to go out for sushi. We had a great dinner and a wonderful talk about some of the issues both of us have that aren't always fun to deal with. (as far as I know, everyone in the world has some) There was no accusing and neither of us got defensive or shut-down. We both acknowledged our own shit and talked about ways to work on being healthier. How refreshing.

So, there were no candles, flowers or chocolates. Instead we had a frank and open talk about keeping things in our world as happy and healthy as possible, and a commitment to both work toward that end. What could be more romantic than that?

They Deftly Maneuver and Muscle for Rank

Okay, so. I did my first bike race last night and it was fun and interesting. Here's me with my registration form in hand, looking like I'm heading to my first day in kindergarten.

Here I am signing the legal forms saying I won't sue in the event of death or dismemberment...Or whatever else. Gulp.

I rode hard. but not quite hard enough. In bike racing, once you get dropped from the pack, it's almost impossible to catch up again. So, I need to learn not to be so cautious or conserve my energy and stay with everyone as long as possible. Got it.

I really did love it, though. It's great to be out in the middle of nowhere, flying down hills and taking note of all the roadkill (there are a lot of dead snakes on Iowa roads this Summer, by the way). I also like challenging myself and seeing how strong I am (or not) and how fast I can go. Looks like I better start training for the next one now....

Too Late, Too Late to Stay Home and Sit Around

Here is a pretty spot where we stopped on our bike ride last weekend.

So, last night was lovely. I ran after work and then The Guy and I made dinner together and had a great talk and watched another Andy Griffith episode. It was the "feminist" one where Ellie runs for city council. It's interesting to see the point of view from back then.

Tonight I'm planning on giving plasma after work, then coming home to an empty house. The Guy will be at his mom's and Stinky will be at work. I think I will sit in my quiet little cottage and watch a movie. How quaint of me.

That's Entertainment

Here are some more pics of Union Station.

So, today I want to talk a little bit about my Megabus experience. For those of you who don't know, the Megabus is a handy little way to get from certain places to other certain places, quickly and cheaply. It cost us about what we would have paid in gas, but we didn't have to drive in Chicago and got there in about 3 hours and 50 minutes. not bad.

There is pretty much any kind of person on the Megabus. On the way there, we saw an older, seemingly fairly wealthy couple (judging by their clothes and the rock on her finger) as well as plenty of students and also Chicago inhabitants. So, with all those different kinds of folk in a small space, there are bound to be culture clashes.

On the way to Chicago, K. and I sat next to a very geeky guy from Des Moines, who was obsessed with his cell phone and would talk loudly about it to anyone who would listen...Or anyone who was just there. Once we got to downtown Chicago, the Des Moines guy kept saying dorky things like, "We don't have one of those in Des Moines," or "Hey, that looks like the Family Matters neighborhood." At one point he took a pic with his phone and said, "I need to get this on Facebook, right NOW...."

To which, the African American Chicago native sitting behind him said, "You might want to wait to do that until you get off the bus and can take pic of something better. You do know that's a parking garage, right? Yeah. you're gonna see plenty of those." Hilarious.

And yes, Bro-In-Law, it is where they filmed that one scene in the Untouchables.

Going home on Megabus wasn't quite as entertaining...Unless you count being scared shitless as entertainment. K. and I both commented on how unhealthy the bus driver looked the minute we saw him. He was one of those older guys who look 9 months pregnant and almost assuredly had diabetes and a bad heart. He also coughed up some powerful sounding loogies the whole way home (EW!).

Anyway, after we were safely in Iowa, I looked over at the driver and realized he was shaking something fierce. I tried to reassure myself that he was probably just moving with the vibrations of the bus, but it was way more exaggerated than that. Then, when it started to rain, it took him a long time to turn on the windshield wipers. I tried to turn my head away and stop my worst case scenario thoughts like, "He's having a seizure." Or, "He's having a heart attack", or "Holy crap! We're all gonna die!" But then we suddenly started to swerve to the side of the road as an ambulance passed us on the interstate. Soon after, another presumed Megabus employee in a uniform walked up right behind the bus driver and watched him for a bit. He then moved into the seat directly behind the driver and quietly asked, "Bob, are you okay?" I couldn't hear the bus driver's response, but he stopped shaking and the other employee sat behind him the whole rest of the way to Iowa City. Weird, huh?

Can I Take the Time, to Ask You to Speak Your Mind?

Here is a giraffe painted on a staircase.

So, today wasn't the best, but I do get a three day weekend, so I'm concentrating on that...

What will I do with three whole days, you ask? For the most part, I'm not sure. It's been a long time since I've flown by the seat of my pants for a weekend. Right now, it looks like the guy will come over tomorrow night and I'll make shrimp, tofu and shitake mushroom stir fry with Miso soup.

The guy and I are looking for places within an hour's distance to cross country ski possibly on Saturday. It seems that places about an hour North and South of us got quite a bit more snow this week. I'll let you know how that goes....

How about you? Do you have concrete plans or are spinning your wheels, waiting for something to do?

Baby, Don't Believe I Wear Two Left Shoes

Here is a festive display.

Today was wonderfully fire free. I did a little experiment and tried running in the morning before work, instead of after. It turned our pretty well. I'm not the biggest morning person, so I was a little worried, but I got my ass out of bed and hit the road. Luckily, it was pretty foggy outside and I miss running in the fog, like I did when I was younger and lived in San Francisco. It was also nice to get off work and already be done with my work-out.

I even had a enough time to sit and watch a movie while Stinky was at work. I checked out Amelia. It was pretty interesting. I knew some of her story, but I had no idea she was so progressive for her time. Let's see...Getting to have both Richard Gere and Ewan MacGregor? It makes you want to go fly planes, doesn't it?

Oh No, I've Said Too Much. I Haven't Said Enough

It's nice to know that Coadster has remained as animated as ever at college...


Another action packed weekend here. I got off work early on Friday to help the guy get home from the hospital. He, his mom and I went to the store to fill prescriptions and get a few other things he would need for home care. We stopped at El Ranchero and he treated us to a lunch of Mexican food for helping him out so much last week. Very nice. We went back to his place and unloaded all of his stuff. Pretty much the first thing he did when he got home, was start torturing his cat with the laser toy thingy. I'm sure he felt he had to make up for lost time. He was tired with all that walking and shopping and being out of bed for more than 5 minutes, and so he went to sleep and I went home.

That evening was kind of weird for me. I had what I like to call the trauma let-down. I've had it before when things calmed down after the tornado and once Stinky was home from the hospital after her meningitis. It's hard to explain, but it's just like your body needs a release from being so strong and so stressed and trying to take care of so many details and trying to handle so much worry. So, when I was running, I just started crying. Pretty. I couldn't help it and it wasn't like I was sad either, I was just letting go. The rest of the evening, I cut myself some slack. I made popcorn and watched stupid movies and then read myself to sleep. It was exactly what I needed.

On Saturday, I was still a little in let-down mode. I tried to run again, but I lost some weight the week before, and I think I was weak from that. So, I ran my short route and walked around my neighborhood on the beautiful day and admired the colorful trees and the Halloween decorations in peoples' yards. I did my recycling and a little cleaning and then Coadster came home and I talked to her for a bit before she left with her dad to watch the game at the Deadwood.

In the evening, the guy called. It was nice to get an update about how he'd been since he was home. He said he and his mom went on a half hour long walk and that he had spent the last day retraining himself on so many things he took for granted, like sitting and getting in and out of a car and walking up stairs. I'm sure he'll be doing that for a while. We talked for a bit and made plans for him to meet Coadster. They were both really excited to finally hang out.

After I got off the phone, Coadster and I watched The Princess and the Frog and the movie version of The Quiet American. Then I had to finally crash.

We got up early on Sunday so we could pick up the guy and have breakfast. Since the guy has lived on the East Coast for the last twenty years, he said he really missed cute little Iowa diners. So, Coadster suggested we go to a place where a couple of her friends worked in Wellman. He loved it...And best of all it was ridiculously affordable. We all had a good talk and both the girls said they thought the guy was really nice. After breakfast, we dropped the guy off and headed to Ames.

We got to see Coadster's new dorm room and meet her best friend at college before we headed to the choir concert. It was lovely. Coadster looked wonderful and as always, so happy to be singing. It was so nice to see her this weekend and thriving at college...And she seemed very happy to be able to do her laundry for free too.

It's a Sentimental Journey and the Makings of a Good Plan

Lucky for you guys, borrowing my daughter's laptop makes for shorter blog posts. I've been checking out computers online trying to figure out what I want to do about replacing mine. My friend D. said she'd help me with it. So, maybe by tomorrow I'll have done enough research to make a decision...Then it could be another two weeks before I get it. It's sad how dependent I am on the internets.

So, tomorrow I'm off work so I can register Stinky for high school. I've been working so hard at getting everything ready for Coadster, Stinky's registration kind of snuck up on me. We'll try to go earlier in the day, and then depending on the weather, I'll run after that. In the evening I'm going to the new recreation services building for the university. It's supposed to have the biggest rock climbing wall in the big 10 and a fantastic swimming pool. I'm not sure if we just want to tour it, or if we're going to try and climb and swim. I'm bringing my suit and stuff, so I'm ready for anything.

Okay. Now I'm going to watch a movie and read myself to sleep. It'll be so nice not to have to set the alarm tomorrow.

See the World in Green and Blue

I like to call these ghost flowers, because they come out of nowhere and look a little ethereal.

Did you ever have one of those days where everything goes wrong? Yeah, well I just had the opposite of one of those. How refreshing.

The cable guy was supposed to come and fix a problem I was having between 8-10. Since my friend asked me to meet her and her mom at 9:30, I was a little worried the cable guy would come at the latter part of the window, but he got to my place right at 8:30 and was gone by nine and my problem was fixed.

My friend drove us out to Riverside and we walked past the smoky slot machine area and then entered the lovely spa that was spewing cheesy new agey type music, but smelled really good. They had a sauna and a jacuzzi and a nice pool that was part indoors and part outdoors. So, my friend and I camped out in really nice lounge chairs while her mom got her first massage ever and then I sat with her mom while my friend got her first massage ever. They are both very wonderful people, so we had great conversations and the weather was absolutely perfect and when it got a little too warm, we just took dips in the pool. We had to leave around 2, because my friend had to take her son to an appointment.

When I got home, I was so refreshed that I decided to just go ahead and run my 10 mile route. I'm not sure if it was the fact that I took the day before off from running, or the weather was so nice, or that I had music to listen to this time, but my 10 mile run felt great. I even kicked it the last mile or so.

I mowed the lawn and that made me happy. I finally came in the house and ate and I felt it. You know, the feeling you had when you were a kid and you went out and played all day and when you finally stopped, your legs ached until you fell asleep? That's what I felt. I can't remember the last time I had that. It was pretty glorious.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to run, renew my license and then go kayaking with some girls in the afternoon if it doesn't rain. I figure if it rains, I'll spend some more time cleaning my place and if it doesn't, I'll go have more adventures and see if I can get another glorious leg ache.

Come Back, Get Back, That's Part of Success

Here is a screen.

Oh, kids. Things are so much better now that the funk fog has lifted. I know I need to navigate through the negativity sometimes, to come back better on the other side...And that's where I am now - safely over THERE.

Sure, my house has more issues than even I do, but it's mine and it's pretty damn cute, and the gladiolas and black-eyed susans and cone flowers and dahlias are just getting ready to bloom in my garden. I don't get to see my girls as much as I'd like, but they're awesome and healthy and funny and strong-willed and self-possessed and not afraid to embrace their inner dorkiness and all those things I wish I could have been at their age. I live in Iowa and the weather is hot and stormy and chronically humid, but I can still run in it and feel kick-ass at the end of my 6 mile route. I'm going to be 45 years old in less than two weeks, but I feel better emotionally (which is the big one) and physically than I have in my whole life. I don't have shit for cupboards or counter space, but I can still whip up some amazing, healthy fresh meals, if I do say so myself...And that appears to be what I'm doing. There are so many things to learn, read, write, feel, see, experience, eat, play and people to meet, that I won't get bored for the rest of my life...So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm back to grabbing big handfuls of life and devouring them again. Oh, and also....Tra la la la la la la la la la. I'll continue to sing that song until the next episode.

Peace Came Upon Me and it Leaves Me Weak

All the rain here lately seems to be great for fungus.

Oh my Gawd, kids. It just keeps raining and raining and raining. This weekend was spent dodging storms and trying to do as many outdoor projects as possible before the rain started again. Today I managed to FINALLY finish planting all my lilies. If I'm lucky, they'll bloom before the first frost.

Looking down at the flat top.

I've been thinking a lot about death lately, since my friend's fiance passed and since the book I'm reading is all about loss. I feel lucky in some ways losing so many people who were close to me at such a young age. It's made me appreciate everything so much more...And to think about what would be important to me in my life if I were to die right now. So, I've been cataloging in my head the things I need to make an effort to do in my life:

1. Appreciate all the people I have while I have them...That means telling them how much I care about them and doing as much for them as possible. I know that's hard for some people to do, but it's so important.

2. Try not to let fear get in the way of the things I want to do or try. This has been tough for me in the past, but I continue to work on it. I'm almost always glad when I try something new.

3. Ask for what I want and know that I deserve it. I know I've talked about this before. It doesn't mean that I should be demanding, it means that I shouldn't be so damn scared of rejection.

4. Figure out what's important to me and then work for it. Sometimes the hardest part of this, is figuring out what's important to me.

5. Fix my shit. Again, I have to figure out what bothers me about myself first and then find ways to work on it.

6. Don't let anyone else make me feel like I'm not good enough. This one has taken me YEARS to work on...I was so good at letting people make me feel like shit about myself for so long, it's hard for me to stop doing it. Once I realize that someone is trying to do it to me, I have to just stay away from them. As I've said before, I have a hard time letting go of people...No matter how shitty they are to me.

7. Allow myself to rest and relax and slow things down and live in the moment...Uh, yeah. Like I said, I'm a work in progress. I'm trying hard to be better at this one.

8. Don't allow how I picture things in my head, to tarnish the way things actually are. I think that's a big control thing. Where I've imagined something and then when it doesn't materialize that way in the real world, I need to let go of my vision and be happy with what I have instead.

9. Realize every day is a gift and treat it like that. Sometimes there are only 5 minutes of good in a day -then I have to focus on those 5 minutes... Because if I look hard enough, there will always be at least 5 minutes.

10. Take good care of my teeth...Just in case I don't get hit by a bus tomorrow.

What are your words of wisdom for appreciating the hell out of your life?

Just Be Still With Me, You Wouldn't Believe What I've Been Through

Look what else just popped up in my backyard.

Today on my afternoon break, I was sitting outside reading my book and there was a lot of discussion in it about predestination and if bad things happened for a reason. Because it was the fourth anniversary of the tornado, I was probably even more reflective than normal. (who knew that was possible?) Basically, I'm more of a chaos theory kind of girl. I don't believe crappy things happen to certain people for a pointed reason. As if Buddha, or Jesus or that magical tree in your backyard or the collective conscious of the universe or whatever the hell you believe makes things work in the world has nothing better to do than sit around teaching certain people lessons?

I think bad things just happen randomly. Those Baptists who came around our neighborhood after the tornado handing out pamphlets to the kids that told them the tornado was everyone on our street's fault because of all the sinning we were doing, were full of shit. Especially when you look at natural disasters - were the people in my very residential neighborhood bigger sinners than the guys who live on fraternity row who were untouched by the tornado? I think not.

I do believe, however, that when bad things happen, it is a good opportunity to look more closely at ourselves and make sure we have our priorities in order. Sometimes I feel almost lucky that so many bad things happened to me at such a young age. It's helped me appreciate the people I have in my life while I have them and let them know how I feel. It's also helped me to try things when I was younger that I might not have if I thought I was going to live as long as I already have. A lot of things I'd never do in the place and at the age I am now, but I'm glad I did them when I was younger. I'm sure my girls get tired of hearing me say it, but I really don't think you can help what happens to you (for the most part) but you can help how you deal with it. Some crappy situations I've dealt with better than others, but hopefully I get better and better with each shit storm... Although, I'd just rather have less things to recover from.

I Can't See Much Difference Between the Dark and the Light

Here is some destruction from the tornado in my backyard...Was that almost four years ago now?

Hey, kids. I gave myself a get out of jail free card night tonight. I could feel I needed to rest, and if I'm not going to listen to anyone else, I might as well try to listen to myself every now and again. I got a new battery and was told the alternator was fine. Whew!

With all the news of the earthquake in Haiti, I had some weird remembrances of the tornado. I decided to post my little piece I wrote about it a few days after it happened. I'm glad I did, since i seem to have forgotten some of it already. If you've been reading my blog for a while, you've probably seen this, if not, it is a little long, but take a gander if you feel like it. Here it is:

At first the sirens went off and we ignored them. I have ignored those sirens for the 20 years I've lived in Iowa City. Coadster looked worried but I reassured her (like I always do) that there will never be a tornado in Iowa City because of the way the river runs or whatever the hell I've always been told. Then the siren went off again and I told Coadster that the tornado would hit Swisher like it always does. Then I got a call from Stinky at UAY telling me that she was safe and in a basement.

I got Coadster set up in our laundry room that doesn't have any windows (we don't have a basement) and I decided to take a bath since the bathroom doesn't have any windows either. I lit candles just in case the power went out and Coadster had dragged any comforter or blanket she could find. Halfway through my bath, the sirens stopped and then I heard a sound different from anything I'd ever heard before. It was like a train, but louder - it was a huge locomotive, bigger than our house. I jumped out of the tub and wrapped some towels around myself. Coadster was in the fetal position on the floor and so I wedged right behind her. She had made a nest of our dirty laundry and comforters and we covered ourselves in blankets. Our ears were popping and we could feel the house start to lift. All we could hear was that fucking train and Coadster screaming, "Mommy, make it stop!" But I couldn't. I couldn't protect my daughter. When I felt the house move, I thought that was it for us and I was so sad that Stinky would have to grow up without us.

Then something happened and our ears stopped popping and the house calmed down. I think it was because the roof blew off and relieved the pressure. Then the winds died down. We were afraid to sit up in case it came back. I reminded Coadster to breathe, "In through your nose and out through your mouth," and we practiced taking long, deep breaths together.

We heard voices outside. People inquiring if everyone was okay. We decided to get up and see what happened. All of our windows were covered in mud and I remember thinking how strange it was that none of them had blown through. I tried to open our door to see out, but there was a tree keeping us in. I went around to the other door and the tree was there too, but we could wedge it open a crack big enough to get through. Our neighbor and his daughter were standing outside. When Coadster saw her friend, they both cried and held onto each other. My neighbor informed me that there was a gas leak and a downed power line and we should leave our place. He took Coadster and I tried to get in my car and pick up Stinky downtown.

My car looked okay at first and then I noticed the glass. The back window blew through my car along with parts of trees and leaves. I cleaned off my seat and got in. The road was blocked by a downed tree to the West and so I tried to go the other way. I made it to Hotz Street before I was blocked by another tree. Hotz St was torn up. Every tree, every garage, most of the houses looked like they had been bombed. The radio was telling me that another tornado was approaching so I got out and tried to run to our neighbor's house. A guy stopped me and asked me if I had a place to go. I have no idea what I said to him, but whatever it was must have appeased him. It smelled like Christmas because of the huge pine that had been topped off and was now lying in the street. I looked out for downed power lines and climbed over several huge trees before I made it to the neighbor's house. Every single one of their windows had been blown out, but they had a basement and we all huddled in the bathroom and listened to the radio.

It sounded safe again. The neighbor's phone was working so I called my ex-husband at 126 where he works and asked him to get Stinky. We went outside to see if everyone was okay. Slowly, we were finding people and pets. But we couldn't see very well. We thought it would be so much better if we could just see. We were trying to go from house to house on Parsons, Hotz and Jefferson to make sure everyone was okay. Most people I ran into were laughing - not because it was funny, but because it all seemed so ridiculous and surreal. I walked past a duplex on Hotz street where one side was smashed by a tree and I heard someone sobbing. That sound was almost worse than the sound of the tornado itself.

We had heard that they turned the gas off so we thought it was safe to go back home. I walked to the back to see if the gas lines were still attached and they were. When I came back to the front my landlord was there with his high school aged daughter and 2 of her male friends. he hugged me and said his house was fine but he was fighting back tears at what happened to us. He thought it would be okay for us to stay in our place since the gas was off.

The upstairs neighbors came home to get their cats. He had left 10 minutes before the storm and had barely made it to his friend's house before it hit. Luckily, their cats were fine and they put them in a duffel bag to take them back to where they were staying. His girlfriend was crying and Coadster went up to her and said, "Are you okay? Really?" and hugged her. I was so happy that my daughter was growing up to be a compassionate and good person. Sometimes when they're 13 and hard to take, you wonder, but Coadster has been so amazingly helpful and kind through all of this.

The guy who lives upstairs looked around and said, "Dude, this looks just like Storm Stories, but it's my house."

The girls and I finally went in our house. We unfolded our futons and all slept together in the living room so I could reach over and make sure they were okay throughout the night. One, two. One, two. I counted them from time to time. They were both sure they wouldn't be able to sleep, but they were out in 5 minutes. I was up most of the night. We had to leave the window open (without a screen as they had all been shredded and ripped off), since there could have been gas left in the pipes to escape into our house. MidAmerican was across the street by 10 and working cutting up all the felled trees on the power lines. Chainsaws buzzed all night and after the bars closed, the drunk college kids stumbled through our neighborhood laughing and probably looting. I fell asleep dreaming about a drunken A-hole trap. In my dream, the power was still on and I set a cold shiny 40 oz. directly behind the live power line and watched as each drunk fried on their way to take it.

Everyone Can Focus Clearly With Such Shine

Here was the view out of my window during last week's blizzard.

I have two things tonight. First, I'm taking suggestions about what color I should paint my bathroom. It is very small with off-white wainscoting. It has a small South facing window. What color would you paint the walls?

Second, I actually went to the pool and swam laps tonight. Weird. It was actually just fine, but I REALLY need to work on my breathing. I'm a strong swimmer, but I still have trouble getting my breathing regulated without swallowing too much water or feeling like I'm going to suffocate. Stinky was on swim team for a couple of years, so she was very helpful and gave me lots of good advice. I think if I keep practicing, I'll get it down. In honor of my swim today, I thought I'd repost my piece on a couple of near drownings I've experienced when I was a kid. Enjoy!:


As kids in Arizona, we all looked forward to monsoon season. Sometimes, it was the only rain we got all year. Once, it didn't rain for several months, and when it finally did, even the Mormon kids got to go outside after 8 p.m. to play in it.

When the streets flooded with rain we would sit on the curb and let the cars splash all the dirty, oily water off the road onto us. We also loved to have boat races in the gutters. My best friend Skip and I would find twigs and start at a particular place on our street. We'd race our twigs as far as they would go before they got caught in a big pile of tangled debris and we had to start again.

One day the water was particularly high and we made it all the way around the corner and onto Horn Street which was way busier. I was walking backwards, just ahead of the twig-boats because I was winning and really excited. Once we got to the next corner, I was suddenly sucked into a drain where the manhole cover had come off. I couldn't see or breathe very well in the muddy run-off. All I remember is that my friend Skip's hand found my arm and was able to pull me out against the force of the rushing water. I know I should have been indebted to him forever, but my friend Marcia and I stuck rocks down his pants where his butt-crack was showing the very next day.

I was four years old at the time of my first near drowning. My brother and I were both learning to swim at the same time. Back then, my Uncle Jack had been recently divorced and was living in an apartment building with a pool. My uncle was working with us on our swimming lessons that day. He left me to hang on to the side of the pool while he went over to my brother. At some point, I got tired of waiting for him to come back and I simply let go. I think it was the only time in my life when I didn't spaz the second I was in danger. I calmly sunk to the bottom of the pool, and when my Aunt Merilee saw what happened, she jumped in after me. She was of a heavier build and was fond of wearing those big, floral muumuus. I have no recollection of what happened after she saved me. Did I cry? Did my parents cry? Who knows. It's all eclipsed by the image of my Aunt Merilee's gigantic dress opening out like a parachute once she hit the water.

Okay. Now, I'm going to fill some cracks in my bedroom walls with drywall and go to sleep, so I can face my day off in the middle of the week well rested.