Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I Can't Do It Anymore and I'm Not Satisfied

At some point in the trip, each of the girls took a headless picture of me. I'm not quite sure what it means. Here's the one that Stinky shot of me after I lost my head at the beach...

So, tonight I was going to tell you about the demise of the thing with that one guy, right? Okay. Here goes:

You know how when you're driving for twelve hours you have lots and lots of time to think? Well, when I had all that time, I did some reevaluating and just thought that it was weird how the wedding date guy never really asked me any questions or wanted to find out much about me. I asked him a lot of questions about himself, but he never seemed to reciprocate. It all starts with a physical attraction, but it also ends pretty damn quick if that's all it is. So, I was thinking about letting it go anyway.

At one point we had talked about him coming to see me when I got back. So, I thought I'd text him to let him know I was home and see how it all panned out - you know, just to give it one last chance. I didn't hear back from him for a couple of days, and I figured he wasn't going to make it and that was fine. My girlcrush told me she was going to be in town anyway and I still had tons of unpacking and cleaning to do. Plus, I desperately needed some time alone.

Then on Friday evening, he texted me. I'm pretty sure he went drinking after work. He said he couldn't remember what weekend he was supposed to come down. I told him it was this weekend, but it was actually better that he forgot. Then he said he wanted to come up on Saturday anyway. I really didn't want him to, but he persisted. It turned out that my girls were going to be out of town, and I thought it might be a good time to see if there was anything to salvage, so I agreed. It just meant that I was going to have to get a hell of a lot of shit done before he got here. So, instead of seeing my friends, I stayed home and cleaned and tried to get ready for his visit.

At 10:30 the next morning I got this weird, vague text that said "due to a prior commitment" he had to cancel. What? First of all, I think a cancellation deserves a phone call, and a real explanation. Second of all, who badgers someone about coming to visit them and doesn't remember they had something going on until the next morning? He said he was sorry and it made him so sad that he couldn't make it and blah and blah and wank, wank, wank. It was really the excuse I needed. If I was waiting to see how things went, I guess I just watched them go out the door. I wasn't really even sad about it. In my head it was over.

Tonight he texted me again to apologize and say he'd make it up to me. I told him I thought I deserved a phone call and a real explanation. He still didn't give me either of those and so I finally texted him back to say I couldn't do it anymore. It was weird to do that in a text, but it was pretty clear he wasn't into actually having to talk to me about it, so that's what I was left with. He seemed completely fine with just being friends. It was the easiest non-break-up I've ever had.

I know I'm always saying this too, but I'm a relationship girl, so this non-relationship stuff feels weird to me. The big problem, as I've found out, is that relationships are hard to come by, and so my only alternative is to go years without dating and I've been told by my friend Allison after that last four year dry spell that the monk thing isn't healthy either. Right now, I guess all I can do is keep being open and see what happens.

...And here's the one that Coadster took of me after I lost my head climbing rocks at King's Canyon.

Things between me and the wedding date guy seem totally cool. We agreed to be friends and we both said that our time together was great while it lasted. I'm sure it will feel a little weird the next time we see each other, but I'm also pretty sure we'll get over that quickly and be just fine.

Now, tomorrow I'll finally finish the roadtrip chronicles and then we can go back to our regularly scheduled programming of bullshit, bullshit and more bullshit. Sweet!


Remiman said...

Personally, I prefer pictures with head, but these are cool too. ;)

Relationships: can't live with'm, can't live without'm.
Some guys couldn't find a diamond if they were in a diamond mine.

evil-e said...

The pictures of no head could not be further from the actually had yours on and very well I might add. This dude obviously has some sort of "memory issues".

The monk thing definitely is not healthy...I was cloistered for about 4 years as well.

NoRegrets said...

I really like the headless pictures, but I'm kinda like that.

I'm happy right now not being with anyone. OK, well, maybe happy isn't the word, but ok. Even those flings require emotional energy, as you know. I'm glad you think about it and do what's best adn stand up for what's right for you.

fringes said...

Great post, Churlita. I can't say much else without sounding like a rambling crazy person. You're doing the right thing.

Tara said...

I love that first shot there, even though you're headless. I love the idea of running in the sand and water. And that is such a pretty green skirt!

If he can only muster energy to text a cancellation, you most certainly have the right to text a break-up. It's hard for me to get conversations going, but I do ask guys questions. It bugs me when they don't reciprocate. I get that some are shy, but I don't like to feel like I'm pulling teeth.

minijonb said...

did you ever find your head?


Susan said...

It appears to be the time for "non-relationships" to be falling apart. I've yet to talk about mine but it's on the way...after the weekend.

steppingoverthejunk said...

the easiest non breakup. heh. well, it's funny when we say we want one thing and realize we are another. says me. bah.

DJSassafrass said...

I love that you called him out and it's cool that you guys are cool...but seriously, a prior commitment...was he declining a formal invite? Weirdo.

Not Fainthearted said...

I can only echo remiman:
"Some guys couldn't find a diamond if they were in a diamond mine."

And you, chica, are a diamond.

Hang in there. This all makes sense on some they tell me.

Also, I love the headless pics.

laura b. said...

You are a smart girl, Churlita, even headless!
A fling can be flung if it doesn't feel so fun anymore.

Poptart said...

1) I love the bullshit, bullshit and more bullshit, so bring it.
2) I love the headless pics
3) I love you
4) I love that you are a relationship gal and that you own it. Go girl!

Ok, that is all.

Love, poptart

Churlita said...


Ha ha. Thanks. It wasn't like it was a real relationship, but I still don't think that means he can jerk me around.


Thanks. Yeah, I'm not trying to be better about not cloistering myself.


I have to be careful. Because it's easier for me not to even try with guys because I'm pretty darn happy doing my own thing. It's just that nor guy action can get weird too.


Thanks for the support.


I know. I even asked him once if he felt uncomfortable around me, and he said he's never felt more comfortable with anyone. So, I guess that just meant that he either was all that interested or just really self-absorbed.


I found it, but it never does me much good it's always so muddled up there.


I'm all ready to read that future post. Let's get crackin'.


I've always wanted the same thing, I just can't find it. Sigh.


Exactly. I even told him his cancellation was weird. Who says that to someone they're having a fling with?


Thanks. They wouldn't say it if it wasn't true.


That's precisely what I was thinking. It was supposed to be casual and fun and once he made it not that way, there wasn't any point to it anymore.


Thanks for all the love. You know it's all reciprocated.

dmarks said...

You need to do "Headless Thursdays".

MrManuel said...

A one sided conversation is usually a good sign. If I truly liked someone, I would want to ask them questions and find out as much as possible

Churlita said...


Hm, I'll have to start taking pictures of all my headless friends soon then.


The weird thing, is that he said he was so into me, but his actions didn't support that.

Anonymous said...

You were in the right to text him a break-up message.

I just hope nobody tries to add the heads to the headless pictures.

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed your headless pictures, although the ones with your head in place are much better! And I know what you mean about weird non-relationship situations. I would have totally "broken-up" with him via text too, if that's how he wanted to go about it. What a coward. Him, not you. :)