Thursday, April 24, 2008

Even My Mama Thinks That My Mind is Gone

Here are some train tracks running parallel to the Mississippi River.

Well, kids. I don't have much for you tonight. Not that I ever do, but this time I'm REALLY boring. I could revert to one of my favorite crutches, writing a conversation I had with junior high kids on the way home from track practice, and then I could tell you about my nonexistent plans for the weekend. Does that work? No? Too bad. It's all I got.

I was taking Stinky's male friend J. home from track practice and they were trying to flash stupid gang signs and I did my mom duty by doing my best to deglorify gangs. I told them that when I lived in Los Angeles in 1988, you could get shot just for wearing red or blue depending on if you were on the wrong side of town. Stinky was doubtful and didn't understand much about the Crips or the Bloods so I told her the little I knew and tried really hard to make it sound unattractive. (but one thing I learned in the early eighties is that there's no fighting MTV video images) Then J. says, "yeah. My uncle got shot just for wearing plaid."

And I'm all, "Really? Who did that piss off? I guess I've never heard of a gang that wears plaid..."

"Well, he ran into a wild bunch of golfers," J. said. And I got to feel like a total asshole for being gullible for one and now I'm almost certain I've heard that joke before and forgot it, so now I get to start stressing about my early onset of Alzheimer's for two.

Now, on to my weekend plans....Well, uh. The truth is, I don't really have any and I'm not sure how I feel about that. There's a part of me that's kind of glad and I'm thinking about all the shit I could be getting done around the house, but then there's that other part of me that wants to find an excuse not to do anything around the house and would like to have some options.


evil-e said...

Wearing the wrong color plaid on the wrong side of Scotland could probably get you shot...

My weekend is a big "IF" right now as well. Me and Renee will have plans if the Improv has any openings for Saturday and if we are not both sleepy tonight. Otherwise, we will just chill and be a dorky couple all weekend.

Mr Atrocity said...

The whole tartan clan thing (seriously now) is a very modern thing, by which I mean 19th Century. It's been blown up out all proportion to help sell blankets.

Surely you can use the xBox even sans Live to help procrastinate about your chores? Works for me.

Remiman said...

I could get shot just for wearing clothes, but then again someone else might shoot me if I didn't...guess I'll move to L.A.

As for your conundrum--You could come here for the weekend and I'll put you to work raking leaves, pulling weeds, mowing grass, and spading the vegetable plots. The pay consists of dark beer and/or red wine plus plenty of good grub. ;)

Have a great weekend, what ever you do.

Tara said...

Hide all the elements that would make you want to get work down around the house. Then gather everything fun you can do on a relaxing vacation and there you go.

When I think of that song from Coolio, I immediately think of Weird Al Yankovic's parody "Amish Paradise". "Even Ezekiel thinks that mah mind is gone."

dmarks said...

evil-e: "Wearing the wrong color plaid on the wrong side of Scotland could probably get you shot..."

Don't say we didn't warn ye... ye could get yourself KILT!

booda baby said...

ye could get yourself KILT!

Gold. Thanks!

NoRegrets said...

It's good to once in a while let teenagers think that they are smarter than you... Like once every couple years.

laura b. said...

hee hee! Well, you probably made Jasper and Stinky's day, so that's cool :-)
I bet you will end up having a great weekend. I predict it, in fact! Mark it. It's happening.

Gyuss Baaltar said...

When I worked as a social worker in a crip infested neighborhood, I was very careful not to wear red to the job.

I hated those guys in my lovey dovey social worker kind of way.

But I really liked influencing the young kids as best I could against the "cool" gang factor. It's hard.

David in DC said...

It can't be early Alzheimers.

More like Halfsheimers.

Or C.R.A.F.T. Syndrome: [Can't Remember A Fucking Thing].

I've been scarce lately but I just noticed your Born to Run post heading from a couple of days ago and it made me smile. Thanks.

Mrs. Hairy Woman said...

well if you do go out.. don't wear

Poptart said...

My "plans" for tonight just got cancelled and I am so excited to do nothing. SO EXCITED.

I am excited for you, too, because whatever you do will either be or at least sound in this blog sooo much better than anything any of us do.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

I'm visting elderly relatives this weekend.

I love that your daughter's friend totally burned you. Pretty funny...till he jokes around and gets his ass kicked by some real life bangers.