Tuesday, April 08, 2008

We're All the Same Whatever We Do

Hey, lookee here. Stinky was finally able to take pictures of herself outside this weekend. And, the best thing was, there's no snow on the ground. Of course, now it just rains every day, but I was the one who was dumb enough to choose to live in Iowa, so I really have to just shut-up and take it, right?

First, I want to thank everyone for all your well wishing. It must have really helped later in the day. I woke up this morning and still felt like shit. The rest of the day looked like this: Felt like shit, felt like shit, felt like shit - then around 5 o'clock I had a total turn around and felt a million times better. The drag was that it seemed like I wasted two full days while I slept and watched movies and then slept some more. But I must have needed it.

Now I'll try to be raring to go for the rest of the week. I'm sure for me that means driving from soccer games to track meets to pick up tons of kids and take them to their houses. Today when I drove two of Stinky's friends who's names both started with J. home, our conversation sounded like this:

Stinky: Mom, it's J's birthday today so don't forget to say happy birthday to her...But don't say it all surly or dorky. Just say it nice and normal.

Me: (talking to the boy named J. who just got into my car) Get out!

Boy J: Oh, I'm sorry. Stinky said you'd give me a ride...

Me: I'm kidding. Get in the car.

Boy J: (talking to girl named J. who just got into the car) Get out!

Girl J: What?

Me: He doesn't mean it. I just did that to him. (to boy named J.) See? Wasn't that fun?

I wished the girl named J. a happy birthday and made sure to be all dorky and surly when I said it. Then they started talking about some other kid that goes to their school who got into a fight with the boy named J. a while back. Apparently, at some point, Stinky told the boy to stop and go home because he was losing and he did quit, but made sure to call her a bitch on his way home.

Boy J: ...He was crying too. How you gonna call someone a bitch when you're the one who's crying?

Girl J: He's also the Whitest Black person I've ever met. (both kids named J. are Black - just for reference)

Boy J: It's not that he acts White so much. It's just that he's socially retarded.

Before I could interject something (anything) about some of the issues I was having with their conversation, they quickly changed the subject to the girl J.s favorite topic - how ugly all of Stinky's boyfriends have ever been. Which is true and it's funny to watch her get all defensive about it. And now you can see why I get migraines and a bad belly from time to time. If you were stuck in a car with junior high kids for at least an hour a day, you might get a headache too.


Mr Atrocity said...

I think if I were stuck in a car with teenagers for an hour a day my head would do an excellent impression of that guy at the start of "Scanners".

evil-e said...

I have a hard enough time dealing with strangers on a bus...your problem is worse. I think I had to drive teenagers anywhere, they'd be walking.

Remiman said...

I think you live in the best of all possible worlds!!! ;)

DJSassafrass said...

I have a headache for you!

Tara said...

You're looking at it all wrong! You've got ringside seats to very intriguing, if not hilarious conversations. I love hearing banter like that.

Good job wishing Happy Birthday in a surly, dorky way. :)

NoRegrets said...

At least they still yak in front of you...

Poptart said...

OK a) hilarious that Stinky coached you on how to say happy birthday and b) SO funny that you agree that all her bfs have been ugly. I love this post!

booda baby said...

Just for comparison purposes? I got a headache reading about being stuck in a car with them.

Brando said...

And yet I'm still eager to have children. I guess that makes parenting like a drug addiction.

Did you get your XBox live figured out? I've been behind in me blog readin' and saw you were having troubles.

Gyuss Baaltar said...

Hey, if it wasn't for women with a lousy taste in men, some of us would never get a date!

laura b. said...

I love that part about driving Girlie Girl and her friends around. They forget I'm there (or simply ignore me) and talk about the most hilarious stuff ever. Okay, probably more dumb than hilarious, but still....

liz said...

I actually TAUGHT a classroom full of jr high kids for 6 consecutive years. I haven't fully recovered.

Churlita said...

Mr Atrocity,

I'm sure you're right.


I wish they could walk, but it was pouring rain and they lived too far away.


Thanks. That's sweet.


I know. It hurts just to read it, doesn't it?


It's funny from a distance. Up close, it can be tougher.


They act like they don't know I'm there. Sometimes I have to remind them and then they tone it down for a bit.


Can you imagine what Stinky's boyfriends would look like?

Booda Baby,

I know. That's what I'm talking about.


That's because new parents think think the teen years are a myth or they put it out of their heads until it's way too late. It's the only way we can procreate.

I still haven't dealt with the XBox yet.


Ha ha. I'd rather date physically unattractive men, than men who's personalities are ugly.


It's often funny and dumb all at the same time.


You deserve a medal, or a drink or something.

AlienCG said...

Let them walk in the rain, it builds character. They'll grow up to be stronger people able to lead our country down the right path. Of course, it will also be fun to laugh at them as they walk to the door soaking wet.

Ondine said...

The face that stinky is making - is that the required expression for all teenage girls to make when they take pictures of themselves?