Thursday, May 08, 2008

See How It is, They Want You or They Don't

Here's what I see when I look toward the downtown area on my way to work in the morning.

Hey, guess what happens when you blog drunk and try to get all earnest about dating and shit? Well, if you read last night's post, you know that you ( and as usual, when I say you, I mean me) fuck it all up and then have to clean up your internet shit the next night. That being said, this post is going to have to serve as an answer to all your comments from last night. 'Kay? 'Kay.

The tough thing is figuring out what the hell I was even trying to say. So, lets see....I'll just start by saying I hate dating. I am such a relationship girl and went from one to another, straight from the time I was 19 until I was 37. Then I had that 4 year stretch when I wasn't in a relationship and wasn't dating and last year I tried to start dating again. The good thing is that dating now is so much better than it was when I was in my late teens because I don't care as much and I'm a lot more confident than I was back then (which still isn't saying much). Dating definitely isn't my thing, but it's what I got right now, so I might as well just try to figure it all out. And I think that's what I was trying to do last night - however sloppy and disjointed it was.

So, when I was talking about what men wanted and honesty and whatever other bullshit I was spouting, it wasn't about relationships, it was more in the dating or "trying to get with someone" world. As I recall, the guys I was hanging out with were saying that they always think they want every pretty girl they see, but really they're much happier and the sex is much better when they're in a relationship with someone they're really attracted to and have a connection with. There. Does that make more sense?

Two of my girlfriends are in great, super positive, super sexy relationships and a couple of weeks ago, we were talking about how much better sex is in a committed relationship than when we're just out there "dating". So, in my drunken stupor last night, I think I was trying to say that it seems like men and women want the same thing, but for whatever reason, it's kind of tough to get there.

As for the honesty portion of last night's post, I understand it can be tricky when trying to hook up with someone. I think if I actually had a point, it was just that, I hate feeling like I'm being played. I would rather have a guy tell me how he feels and what he wants, rather than tell me what he thinks I want to hear. Which isn't to say, that I want some guy I don't know to come up to me and say, "Hey, baby. What's happenin'? Let's go in the bushes and do that thang." It's more like I'd like to talk to someone and have them be real, and if there's some chemistry, then we can talk about what we want to do about it. The guy who was hitting on me on Saturday was talking in such weird circles, it made my head hurt. And just in case you were wondering, nobody is sexy when they make you want to stick forks in your temples to stop the throbbing pain.

Okay. I think that's enough back pedaling for one post. Does this answer your questions a little better than last night's messiness?

19 comments:

evil-e said...

Last night's post was great, and it really spurred some stuff from a lot of other folks. Good job.

I don't think there is any one answer to any question like that. If you ask 100 people you get 100 different answers. We all want something and it is similar but the approach, the trip, and the execution are where the differences come in.

I prefer honest and have been the "lets make out" guy before. Amazingly, it has worked a lot of the time. I know girls prefer confidence and straight forward over beating around the bush, so to speak.

Remiman said...

Churlita,
Honesty plays out the best. On that, I think we can all agree.
Committed relationship is usually the best sex.
Why do we beat around the bush? Fear of rejection.
That's my two cents.
rel

Mr Atrocity said...

Yes it does, which isn't to say that last night's post wasn't illuminating in its own right.

Mrs. Hairy Woman said...

No one likes it when a guy or a girl plays games .. especially wile drinking.. relationships can be confusing sometimes, but at least when they are drinking they are more likely to be honest.. another great post..

fringes said...

Ah, you know what they say: drunk man's talk is the sober man's thought.

Both posts were provocative. This one is not necessarily a backpedal, but a clarification, I think.

Isn't it okay to admit the natural desire to be in a commited relationship even though we sometimes talk ourselves out of stuff like that?

Whew. You'd think it was Open Friday around here! :)

Tara said...

I liked your post, I wasn't even aware that you were blogging under intoxication.

Gyuss Baaltar said...

Someday you're gonna stumble into a group of men instead of these boys who keep sniffing around.

Men don't play games. Well, we play video games. But not with people.

Brando said...

we were talking about how much better sex is in a committed relationship than when we're just out there "dating".

Therein lies the rub. Based on my own anthropological studies among the apes, there is a species that thinks better, hotter mating could be just around the corner at any minute.

Brando said...

I meant to add that those apes are a) almost always wrong and b) often the ones who should be happy any female gives them the time of day.

Matt said...

I hope you find someone that loves you as much as you deserved to be loved. Which is a tall order.

laura b. said...

I like this post too! But I don't think your last post was as unclear as you think...if that makes sense. You express yourself quite well, knackered or straight!

booda baby said...

lol. Nope.

My best recipe: be as real and true and genuine and honest with what's inside me and the most amazing men suddenly appear.

Every single time I've been involved with a fraud and an asshole, it's been me that invited it. Hate when that happens, but true is true.

NoRegrets said...

Hey, separated at birth, you and I? Excepted I started my relationship thing at 16. Dating does suck (well, not that I've done it in a long time, or ever? - well, maybe I have one or two dating stories...). And yes you were clear, and I agree that sexy does not equal feeling like you should stick a fork in your head. :-) I like the men's comments here, because they are true. I don't have many inspired comments since I'm still a little hung over, but both posts were great.

You'll have to give advice on remaining open even when you fear a game is being played...keeping a wait and see attitude. Some guy sat next to me at the bar my friend and I were waiting at for our table, and he offered me some of his chips and salsa, and he truly was just being nice. speaking of rambling... I'll stop now.

Poptart said...

I'm so with you on not being played at the pickup - it just bodes badly for later, anyway. And your last post made all the sense in the world, if any sense can be made out of the bizarre dating/mating rituals of our crazy-ass culture.

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-RM said...

Happy Mother's Day

Poptart said...

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Mrs. Hairy Woman said...

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NoRegrets said...

Phermones rock! :-)

PS - I bet you $10 or 2 beers that you would still lose the ugly feet contest. Post one!!!