Wednesday, May 28, 2008

If You Try Sometime, Well You Just Might Find, You Get What You Need

It seems many single blogging women have been writing posts about how frustrating the dating situations are in each of their towns lately. Not to be left behind, I thought I'd add to the noise and give a couple amens and a "can I get a witness?" right along with them.

On Saturday night during our little dance party, somebody played the Rolling Stones' "You Can't Always Get What You Want". Our friend Matt who was dancing, sang it very loudly like this, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you find..." We, of course, gave him tons of shit for using the wrong lyrics and all sang it like that too, until he told us to fuck off and then we sang it even louder. Matt's version of the song kind of sums up my "dating" life for the last few months. You know, I'm kind of just getting what I can find. Which isn't to say that what I've found is bad, it's just not necessarily what I want or need. Oh, and before everyone starts giving me shit, I'm really not looking that hard either. I go out and have fun. If I meet an interesting guy, great. If not, my friends are so awesome, I don't really think about stinky boys that much. So, I'll just kind of do a roll call thing of the few guys I've been currently dealing with, or not dealing with, as the case may be.

1.) Last week, I think I finally got to that great place where everyone wants to be with their most recent ex - over him completely and totally. There was one last death rattle of angst and annoyance about whatever shit did and didn't happen and that whole feeling like an idiot, for even trying with someone who was so obviously wrong for me in retrospect. Ultimately, though, I had to ask myself if I had fun and if I learned some important stuff and the answer to both of those questions was a resounding yes. So, I've let it go and reached that break-up nirvana place of indifference. It's over, I can't even be pissed off about anything, really, and I hope he finds someone he can be happy with. The end. NEXXXXXT!

2.) I've also been wrestling with what to do about Mr. Awesome. We've been drunk texting and calling a lot in the last month or two and all of that has been, uh, awesome, but it's still never crossed over to the sober texting and calling level. He always says he's going to and every call and text session seems to go the same way. He talks about how great he thinks I am and how much he wants to make things work, and then he goes into all the challenges we face. His big concerns are the fact that we live in different towns (he's an hour away) and that he has custody of his son and how he's very careful about what he does because of that, and the fact that he works a lot. He's afraid to bring someone else into that mix. No one's going to understand all that better than me. So, I tell him that we should just be friends and leave it at that. Then he'll tell me that it still feels worth it to him to try and that he'll call me the next day when he's sober, and then, of course, never does. After we talked for a while on Friday night, he asked me why I was still putting up with his shit. At the time, I couldn't quite express it, but I waited until the next day when I was sober and called him and left a voice mail message to try to let him know why, after all this time, I'm still trying to wade through all the bullshit.

What I told him in WAY less detail than I'm telling you, is this: When I met him last Thanksgiving weekend in Fort Madison, he really was the first guy in forever who just blew me away. Most guys I meet all seem so intent on being some kind of persona - they're either Mr Intellectual, or Mr. Artist, or Mr. Scenester or Mr. Successful and I hate all that crap. Mr. Awesome got his name because he was real. He was funny, smart, cool, fun, and he could not only admit he had feelings, he was able to express exactly how he felt about me without any game playing. How fucking refreshing was that? Crazy. Even though we spent several hours hanging out that night and my friend K. (who has known him since high school) has been able to tell me a lot about what kind of person he is, I haven't seen him since then. So, as far as I know, he could be a thief, or an alcoholic, or a serial killer or even worse, really bad in bed and I would never know...Until it was too late.

So, anyway. I put myself out there. I left him a voicemail message to tell him why I've put up with his bullshit. He texted me and told me that it was the sweetest voicemail ever, but no other communication since then. I figure, I tried. If he's interested, he'll call me when he's sober sometime. If not, like I said before, at least I met a guy who had almost all the qualities I want in a man. So, maybe there are others out there like him, who would actually be interested in me when they were sober too. It's possible, you know. Have I mentioned to you all that I'm a sucker for false hope?

3.) There have been a few other boys out there who I've hung out with, but they've either been too young, or lived too far away, or just haven't been relationship material. I'm certainly not writing anyone off, I'm just trying to be realistic.

I guess what I've found lately are some great guys who I've had fun with, learned from and who I hope will end up being my friends, if nothing else. Originally, I thought this might a little whiny post about not being able to find relationship material, but really, I feel pretty lucky about my dating experiences of late. Who knew? Maybe I should let out a hallelujah!, instead of those amens and "that can I get a witness?".

21 comments:

-RM said...

It is great and satisfying to write stuff out. It is clears the head after a while and at the end you gain clarity. That is one of the reasons I like blogging.

Mr Atrocity said...

A little self-knowledge is a very liberating thing ain't it? I will always be Mr. Atrocity, though I'm not really sure what that means.

evil-e said...

It is good that you are over that last one....

This guy's perspective on the Mr Awesome situation:
I had a Ms. Awesome a few years back. Me and her were inseparable. We always had fun together, we went out as if we were dating, we even had "the conversation" where she told me that she had waited for me to lean in and kiss her. (mind you, this conversation took place while we trying to rid ourselves of bad relationships).

Ms Awesome is my biggest and only regret. I never crossed "the line" with her (even though we had the talk) and I think it was because I did not want to mess up what seemed so perfect. I am forward and as reckless as they get when it comes to girls, but in her case I was not. Something about her....maybe I respected her too much, maybe I did not want to ruin the friendship, maybe I was just yellow?

I cannot post this in fear that I would piss off Renee with the specter of the past and that would not be fair to her. Sorry about the long comment.

dmarks said...

"Mr Scenester" sounds too much like "Mr Sinister", whom I think is an obscure comic book villain. Bet the guy has kryptonite in his car glove-box....

fringes said...

I've dated Mr Awesome before. Turns out: not so awesome.

Great great post. -rm said it well.

Minyo said...

Who knows, maybe you and Mr. Awesome just need a few years before the time is right...or an even better Mr. Awesome will stumble into your life.

I dated a Mr. Awesome once...he's still pretty awesome after 12 years :)

DJSassafrass said...

Amen sister. Sometimes it is worth is just knowing that someone like that is out there.

Tara said...

Excellent post. Congrats for reaching that break-up nirvana! That's not an easy task, to say the least.

I too am, as you say, a sucker for false hope. Sometimes you just have to have that.

emmaenlighted said...

Great post - and now I have to backtrack and check out what's been happening since I've been MIA.

Anonymous said...

Why do you act like you're 18? It's very intriguing to me. It's not like you have kids or anything, but still.

Churlita said...

RM,

That is so true. I always have to write stuff out to process it.

Mr Atrocity,

Exactly. It means you know who you are and you're okay with it.

Evil-E,

I loved your long comment, and totally understand why you couldn't write about it on your blog.

Dmarks,

There's you new Super Villain. Start writing that comic book.

Fringes,

Mr Awesome's have a way of not being quite so awesome when you get to know them better.

Minyo,

Your Mr. Awesome seems like Mr Perfect too. You're very lucky.

DJ,

So true.

Tara,

I guess it keeps us from becoming bitter.

Emma,

Thanks. I'm so glad you're back writing.

Anonymous,

Really? Because what's intriguing to me, is why anonymous people feel the need to leave snotty and judgmental comments on people's blogs. The obvious answer to your question is that I'm really immature. I'm also messy and disorganized. There. Now you can run along feeling even more superior and disdainful...If that's possible.

egan said...

I like the incorporation of The Rolling Stones into the dating world. And, that's one of my most favorite songs ever. The lyric change is interesting, but I get what your pal is saying.

You seem to have a great approach to dating. The minute it consumes you, ... wait, I can't even complete that sentence. I guess relationships are rather consuming.

egan said...

Wow, what was up with the anonymous comment? That cowardly crap is so annoying.

Poptart said...

Yea, Churlita! It seems like you're in a great spot,* even if it doesn't seem like it all the time.

I think Mr. Awesome is good in ways other guys haven't been, but still not good enough if he's always wasted when he contacts you plus doesn't follow through... I'd step gingerly away from that. But he does sound like he's got qualities to look for in the next fella

You should be proud to act whatever way and whatever age you want to at any moment. Anonymous prolly is/was a dick at 18, 28, 38 - I feel sorry for whoever has to deal with that person on a day-to-day basis!

*You'll laugh when you read about my state later.

Anonymous said...

Hey,

I am speaking from experiance as you well know. You have to just be you and have fun and make lots of friends both male and female and the one you think isn't the one may very well be. Mr. awesome needs to stop being a coward if he can and then we will see if he really is awesome.

Sissy

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

I haven't been in the dating pool for awhile, but I liked this post and the questions that you asked yourself about having had fun and learning something. I want to say that I would have lost my patience with the Mr Awesome sitch a long time ago but remembered a certain Mr. A of my own who I only seemed to run into on nights when I had a date. When my big chance finally came to let him know how I felt (we were both unattached and at a party) I got drunk and made out with his best friend in the bushes (I was 32).

Don't do that.

stepping over the junk said...

That's funny. I'm trying to break it off with Steam so I can frickin' be alone for a while. Hopefully when I actually WANT to date (once I break it off completely with him and actually survive ALONE for once) I will have wits about me to be with someone great and safe and right in the right ways. There's always something and I suppose it is about what that "something" is and if we can live with it and love them for that. My life complicates things too because i have two children. Sigh. And part of what keeps me where I am may be because he loves my children and they love him. But he is not right for us, just because of that. Agh, I just wrote alot here, sorry!

rohit said...

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
What a clever writing style you have. I really like the way you described your not-so-loved items, and the slideshow was brillo. I saw Mud's slideshow yesterday with the spotty tights, and loved that, too.p

rohit said...

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
What a clever writing style you have. I really like the way you described your not-so-loved items, and the slideshow was brillo. I saw Mud's slideshow yesterday with the spotty tights, and loved that, too.

booda baby said...

LOVED this post! It's the best thing (for me) about writing anything - you get to a whole other place by the end of it. Wheeee!

laura b. said...

There is a definite learing curve, isn't there. I can only hope to one day get to where you are!