If You Try Sometime, Well You Just Might Find, You Get What You Need

It seems many single blogging women have been writing posts about how frustrating the dating situations are in each of their towns lately. Not to be left behind, I thought I'd add to the noise and give a couple amens and a "can I get a witness?" right along with them.

On Saturday night during our little dance party, somebody played the Rolling Stones' "You Can't Always Get What You Want". Our friend Matt who was dancing, sang it very loudly like this, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you find..." We, of course, gave him tons of shit for using the wrong lyrics and all sang it like that too, until he told us to fuck off and then we sang it even louder. Matt's version of the song kind of sums up my "dating" life for the last few months. You know, I'm kind of just getting what I can find. Which isn't to say that what I've found is bad, it's just not necessarily what I want or need. Oh, and before everyone starts giving me shit, I'm really not looking that hard either. I go out and have fun. If I meet an interesting guy, great. If not, my friends are so awesome, I don't really think about stinky boys that much. So, I'll just kind of do a roll call thing of the few guys I've been currently dealing with, or not dealing with, as the case may be.

1.) Last week, I think I finally got to that great place where everyone wants to be with their most recent ex - over him completely and totally. There was one last death rattle of angst and annoyance about whatever shit did and didn't happen and that whole feeling like an idiot, for even trying with someone who was so obviously wrong for me in retrospect. Ultimately, though, I had to ask myself if I had fun and if I learned some important stuff and the answer to both of those questions was a resounding yes. So, I've let it go and reached that break-up nirvana place of indifference. It's over, I can't even be pissed off about anything, really, and I hope he finds someone he can be happy with. The end. NEXXXXXT!

2.) I've also been wrestling with what to do about Mr. Awesome. We've been drunk texting and calling a lot in the last month or two and all of that has been, uh, awesome, but it's still never crossed over to the sober texting and calling level. He always says he's going to and every call and text session seems to go the same way. He talks about how great he thinks I am and how much he wants to make things work, and then he goes into all the challenges we face. His big concerns are the fact that we live in different towns (he's an hour away) and that he has custody of his son and how he's very careful about what he does because of that, and the fact that he works a lot. He's afraid to bring someone else into that mix. No one's going to understand all that better than me. So, I tell him that we should just be friends and leave it at that. Then he'll tell me that it still feels worth it to him to try and that he'll call me the next day when he's sober, and then, of course, never does. After we talked for a while on Friday night, he asked me why I was still putting up with his shit. At the time, I couldn't quite express it, but I waited until the next day when I was sober and called him and left a voice mail message to try to let him know why, after all this time, I'm still trying to wade through all the bullshit.

What I told him in WAY less detail than I'm telling you, is this: When I met him last Thanksgiving weekend in Fort Madison, he really was the first guy in forever who just blew me away. Most guys I meet all seem so intent on being some kind of persona - they're either Mr Intellectual, or Mr. Artist, or Mr. Scenester or Mr. Successful and I hate all that crap. Mr. Awesome got his name because he was real. He was funny, smart, cool, fun, and he could not only admit he had feelings, he was able to express exactly how he felt about me without any game playing. How fucking refreshing was that? Crazy. Even though we spent several hours hanging out that night and my friend K. (who has known him since high school) has been able to tell me a lot about what kind of person he is, I haven't seen him since then. So, as far as I know, he could be a thief, or an alcoholic, or a serial killer or even worse, really bad in bed and I would never know...Until it was too late.

So, anyway. I put myself out there. I left him a voicemail message to tell him why I've put up with his bullshit. He texted me and told me that it was the sweetest voicemail ever, but no other communication since then. I figure, I tried. If he's interested, he'll call me when he's sober sometime. If not, like I said before, at least I met a guy who had almost all the qualities I want in a man. So, maybe there are others out there like him, who would actually be interested in me when they were sober too. It's possible, you know. Have I mentioned to you all that I'm a sucker for false hope?

3.) There have been a few other boys out there who I've hung out with, but they've either been too young, or lived too far away, or just haven't been relationship material. I'm certainly not writing anyone off, I'm just trying to be realistic.

I guess what I've found lately are some great guys who I've had fun with, learned from and who I hope will end up being my friends, if nothing else. Originally, I thought this might a little whiny post about not being able to find relationship material, but really, I feel pretty lucky about my dating experiences of late. Who knew? Maybe I should let out a hallelujah!, instead of those amens and "that can I get a witness?".

Life's Such a Treat and It's Time You Taste It

Here's a picture of Libby's dog, licking it up.

Well, kids. It's the end of my glorious three day weekend and I'm trying to clean things up and get ready for the work day. What that means for all y'all, is that I'm posting some texts I've either sent or received before I delete them. If you've read one of these kinds of posts before, you'll recall that it's usually dirty and wrong and less attractive than Kiss without their make-up in the "Lick it Up" video. Remember, unless they're grouped together, these texts stand on their own and aren't attached to the one above or below. Ready? Okay!

1) Maybe he'll be back. Sometimes that happens and you wind up shaving in the Dublin bathroom! I might be back. S. keeps farting by me.


2.) He's makin tatr salad n chickn. So anything.


3.)This is an exchange.

1st Texter: Grassy Ass.

2nd texter: I love it when u speak Iowa Spanish.

1st texter: It makes me seem hotter don't u think?


4.) I have 20 new boyfriends. It must be bar close.


5.) Spayshul! U got cute boyz movin in next door.


6.) Good. I meant every word. Even if I did sound like Corky from "Life Goes On."


7.) This next exchange was the day after a drunk text from a boy at bar close who lives 5 hours from me and told me he was going to start driving to see me. After I reminded him that he probably was too drunk to drive, he told me he'd try to drive down the next day. I got this the next afternoon when he woke up with a belly full of shame:

Him: Needless to say but I won't be making it tonight. I'm hoping for a longer stay in the very near future. Promise.

Me: Ha ha. I kept waiting for you to get here 5 hours after u texted. Just kidding.

Him: I know u did... Liar.


8.) U were sexxxy with 3 xs.


9.) What's up douche?


10.) 1st texter: GW gave me shit that most of those pics were of u n me but she took most of them so I flipped that shit right back at her.

2nd texter: Ha ha! its not our fault that our dance moves are mesmerizing.


11.) I'll let u know when to start feeling shame - u've got a lot of making up to do in the slut arena. better do it now rathr than in the nursing home.


12.) I'm like a Paris Hilton porno shot in night vision in those pics. Ugh.

What Reason Do You Need to be Show-ow-ow-ow-own?

So, you know how I said this weekend was really fun and I saw a lot of people I hadn't been in contact with for years? Yeah, it was great. I even made out with a cute boy who I've known for years and now lives in another state. And on Sunday? On Sunday I had a great day with my girls where we were all mellow and went out for a late lunch and then to see a girl movie matinee. It was all kind of perfect.

Of course, today started out seeming like my day of reckoning. When I got up, it was February cold outside. Then my work day began with this warning system on our campus calling all the parents and students and cautioning them about an unidentified male who was driving around in his car and shooting a gun. There was no other info than that and not even a hint of a recommended course of action people should take. It just so happens that I answer the toll-free lines for this particular institution and the phone was ringing off the hook with understandably spazzy, freaked-out parents and students all looking for answers that I didn't have. Nice, huh?

It turns out that the man wasn't out driving around in his car shooting. Instead, he killed his wife and four children and then drove his car into a cement structure thing and as far as anyone knows right now, died in a fiery car crash. How sad is that? Because his kids went to school in my kids' district, they had a lock-down at all the schools here. Needless to say, it was a scary and stressful way to start the week.

The story of the guy, is that he had a coke problem and had just gotten caught embezzling half a million dollars from the bank where he was vice president. It's so tragic, it makes my heart hurt. The weird thing is that we were just talking about it this weekend with some of the old townies who were here for the reunion and went to high school with him. I think the guy was my age too. Crazy.

Anyway, after work, I decided to give myself a get out of jail free card day and not do anything practical or stressful, like trying to pay bills or solve world peace or clean my house. I did stop by my friend K.'s house and talk to her and her housemate J. Then I went home and watched a biography documentary called Joe Louis: America's Hero...Betrayed. I like boxing and I love watching stuff about boxers. I thought the documentary was really well done. So, I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I ended up having a nice relaxing evening despite how it began. The end.

Demonstrating Love and Affection

Here is another snowy pic. On Monday the clocks were digitally reporting the temperature at one degree fahrenheit, but it looked like they were saying 1f, and it made me imagine all the possibilities.

So, today I thought I'd write a post in keeping with the impending holiday on Thursday. It's also kind of like what Gyuss is doing on his blog. He's been writing these amazing posts about different incidents that made him realize how much he loves his wife. You should all run along to his blog right now and read them. They are way more smart and funny than schmaltzy. I'm not sure if mine will compare, but I'll take a stab at it. I will now write about how Erik and I got together:

Okay. I first met Erik about ten years ago when he was dating my friend K. I had seen him around town here and there since then, but we had both kind of ruled each other out for whatever reasons.

Then this Fall Erik joined us at the Vine for football watching and wings and it was deep in the heart of Make-Out Quest and we all had a great time discussing one of our wonderful make-out quest experiences and the fact that I was totally lacking in make-out experiences. Then I wrote this post about that day. I didn't think much about it until one night when I was closing out of my computer, I thought I'd just check out my sitemeter and saw that someone had just googled, "Iowa City Santa Crawl" and then checked out where it got that person and found the comments Erik left on my blog. I was a little embarrassed that he saw me talking about the possibility of me making out with him to complete strangers, but when I called my friend K. with my concerns, she just said, "Are you kidding? It's Erik. He probably loved it." Apparently, she was right. Fringes comment in particular seemed to have planted a seed with him and he keeps saying how much he needs to thank her.

After some consideration and a break-up, Erik started asking my friends' K. and T. about me and they both thought we would be a good match. Much of this went on without my knowledge or at least with a few vague references to the fact that Erik was looking for a girl who was "a little more down to earth" like me.

By the time the Santa Crawl rolled around in December, things got a lot less vague. I told my friend Tara that I heard Erik might be a little interested in me and she said, "Oh, that's perfect. You guys should totally mack." By the time I walked into the Que bar, Erik grabbed me and gave me this kiss:

Apparently, I wasn't all that resistant. Nothing much more happened that night except the promise of him taking me on a "proper date" sometime after Christmas. But the next day, Erik joined us at The Vine for football watching and called me afterward to tell me he had fun hanging out with me.

On Monday morning, he called and left a voicemail message to see if he could take me out for lunch before he left town. I only have a half hour for lunch and plus I looked like total crap that day, so I declined. He called one last time to tell me he was sending some photos from the Santa Crawl and that I should get them the next day in the mail. I texted him to thank him and then he texted back and then we ended up texting all that day until we talked on the phone that night. We texted so much that Erik changed his phone plan to include unlimited texting. We had the strangest, most wonderfully fun and at times frustrating long distance three week courtship, but I wouldn't have changed it because of all the awesome conversations and creative flirting we did. So far, it's been an amazing ride.

So, there you have it. In keeping with Gyuss' formula, feel free to tell your courtship/love stories in the comments or on your blogs. I'm a sucker for romance.

'Cause She Thinks She's The Passionate One

Okay, kids. This will be quick. My internet at home is somehow screwed. I think it has something to do with the connection to my router, but as you well know, I have no computer kowledge whatsoever. So, I'm writing quickly and furtively at work and I'll try to fix my home computer problems later.

Now, Mr St Louis should be here when I get off work. I'm this annoying combination of excited and scared and a little insecure...I know, I know, it's like any other day, just magnified. Of course, me being me, I couldn't sleep very well last night AND I forgot to put on deodorant, so I really do feel like a natural woman today. Duh.

So far, our extended weekend date looks like it will go like this: This evening we will stay at my house and eat sandwiches and stuff and have some drinks. Tomorrow evening we will try to hook up with K. and T. and Ondine and then head down to the Dublin. On Saturday night we'll drive to Chicago and go out for Dim Sum and drinks. Then on Sunday we'll go to the Bears/Saints game. Mr. St. Louis is a Saints fan, so we'll be rivals for a day.

Okay. I'll be thinking of you....Just kidding. If all goes well, I won't remember that any of you exist.

I'm Tired of Making Out on the Telephone

Oh, look. Another icy tree pic. What a surprise.

Okay. I, er... um, well...I think I'm going to start having a fun fling with this one guy. There. I said it. I don't know if it will develop into anything more than that, because, ironically enough, he lives in St Louis. Yeah, that place K. and I joked about making a pilgrimage to in order to meet a man who will actually pay his share. Life can be funny like that, huh? It's about a four hour drive there and neither one of us are opposed to meeting in some town halfway. There will have to be a lot of effort made on both our parts, and I guess time will tell whether we think it's worth it in the long run. Right now, it feels like it could be.

He is fun and generous and affectionate and conscientious and hott as hell and has been really good at making me feel like I'm worth his time and energy. How refreshing is that? He's also my exact same age. I haven't dated a guy my age or older in the last ten years. And it's not like I'm some scary cougar lady either, it's just that in my town, single, datable men in their forties are an urban legend. So, as many people have pointed out, sometimes you have to import them.

Again, we'll see where it goes, but flirty daytime texting, sexy evening calls and the promise of an actual meeting in person in the next two weeks are really helping me get through all of this weather and the holiday season. And right now, that's enough.

Her Heart's Been Broken Just Like You Have

So, I wasn't quite sure how to write this post. Should I get right to the point, or should I do some kind of teasing build-up? Ah, hell. You all know I have no patience, so...Woooooo-Hooooo! I'm back in the game, bitches. That's right. I'm actually playing Make-Out Quest 2007 for real now.

Just let me start from the git, okay? Here's how it went down. Like I mentioned, K. and I went down to Fort Madison to see our friend C.. What I didn't say, was that her other friend, who I'll just refer to as Mr Awesome, was going to be in town as well.


Here is K. looking adorable at C.'s bar.

I haven't had that much fun since probably in forever. Mr Awesome was so quick and so funny, that K. and I had to actually ask him to stop for a minute, in order to process what he said, double over with laughter, wipe the tears from our eyes and let him dish up some more. I honestly don't think we went five minutes without laughing that night. Needless to say, Mr. Awesome and I hit it off. He was very direct, and open and affectionate and all those things I never thought I'd find in one guy - especially one that insanely funny.


Here is Mr. Awesome exhibiting his mad cigarette holding skillz.

At one point, he was making fun of my laugh, so, of course, I told him that I hated his stinky, fucking, stupid ass, and he said, "Oh my god. I love you. We should go somewhere RIGHT now and make-out." While it sounded like a nice idea, we didn't really do it. later on in the evening he asked me for my number, which I gladly gave him. Then he asked, "So, if I call you, will you go on a date with me?"

"Oh, hell yeah," I responded.

"Then what do you want to do on our first date?" Of course, by that time it was around three in the morning and I was super tired and very distracted by his presence, so I couldn't think of anything. "Be careful," he said. "If you let me decide, I'll make us wear leg warmers and dance around." Which, now that I think of it, would be a great first date.


Here is Mr. Awesome oh so subtly expressing his affection for me.

My original plan was to drive back home that night, but the boys were really trying to get us to stay. Finally, after much more talking and, uh, flirting, I told Mr Awesome, "Well, I better leave, before I don't." Hey, so maybe I do have a little self-control. Who knew? K. and I drove the hour and a half home in a fun girl fog. Right before we got back into town K. asked,

"So, did you ask him if he had the other half of your amulet?" Which is kind of what it felt like. You know? Like he probably really does have the missing half of my amulet that we got from our home planet of freaks?

Because I'm old enough to know better, I'm not just assuming this will take. He lives an hour away, he's eight years younger than I am, and even though we could be good together on many different levels, I just don't know him very well. So, at this point, I just figure if he doesn't call me, at least I can say that I spent an amazing evening with Mr. Awesome.

Are You Ready Boots? Start Walking

Here is a picture of a shed and a lawn mower.

I was going to do a meme that I was tagged for on another blog, but I actually have some bullshit to write about, so I'll save the meme for tomorrow when I'll probably be in need of a topic.

Man, I gotta be careful what I fantasize about, because I will surely get it. I was knocked on my ass by my migraine for most of the weekend. I literally was in my jammies from Friday morning until Sunday morning. Damn. I was going to wish for a ton of money, but with my luck I'd be walking under a building just as someone was throwing gold bricks out the window.

So, Saturday night while I was home watching a movie, I got a text from my friend K. that just said, "Make Out Quest 2007" - no details or anything. It was the meanest thing you could do to a loser like me, who's home on a Saturday night and needs to live vicariously through others. On Sunday morning, she messaged me and said she'd tell me the story at the Vine while we watched the Steelers. AWESOME.

She showed up along with our friend James and another friend who came up from St Louis named Erik. I won't go into any of the details, but it sounds like we need to start frequenting bars in the suburbs of our town, because that's apparently where the hot guys hang out. I was laughing about how I was definitely losing the game because I'm such a shut-in and it's not like any guy is going to come to my house and ask to make out with me. My friend Erik said, "I would. I would totally come to your house and ask to make out with you." Did I mention that Erik is very good for my self-esteem that has been badly bruised since this Summer?

Later when my friend James and I were talking about our love for the old school video games, Erik said that he loved Galaga. I informed him that I'd been playing that a lot recently and he offered to come over and make out with me and then play some Galaga. Now that I think about it, if you threw in some beer and barbecue, that could be the perfect date.

Hey, wasn't I going to tell you about the Steelers game? So, it did not look good for our boys at first. I was kind of surprised, since they usually do so well when I'm viewing their games. I must have said that out loud, because my friend James suggested that I call and tell them that. I promptly picked up my phone and pretended to talk to the Steelers (like any sane person would). I made them aware that I was indeed watching their game, so they needed to get their shit together and win one for me. And while I was at it, I gave them a list of players and one very hot, young coach who should fly directly to Iowa to visit me and my friend K. The crazy thing is, it worked. They started scoring right after that and finally won after a failed field goal attempt by the Browns at the very end of the game. All you Steelers fans can just thank me later.

While we were eating tons of greasy food and watching one of the other Steeler fans at the bar pacing the room when the game was close, Erik mentioned that the Santa Crawl thing he hosts every year was coming up on December 6th. I said I'd try to make it, and then K. and I talked about what we should wear. We now each have a pair of tall black boots and so we figured we'd wear those and work up from there. I was thinking I'd find a cute, short red dress or skirt to go with that and Erik was adamant that I wear black hose with the seam that shows in the back too. Then this guy who Erik worked with at Bruegger's in the eighties, turned around on his bar stool without hearing the beginning of the conversation and said, "You are definitely going to have to wear some tall black boots with that." I assured him that we already had that covered, and then he said, "Okay. I just wanted to make sure you did it right." I thought the whole exchange was kind of funny, but both Erik and James agreed, one thing that looks sexy on any woman no matter how big or small, is that combination of tall boots and short skirt together. I was a little surprised that that many guys had such a strong opinion on it. So, I guess it's time for me to go shopping, huh?