These Boots Aren't Made For Walking

Well, kids. I slid into 2009 just fine last night. It was really fun, and only clouded a little by a poor footwear decision. Best of all, I spent $7 the whole night. Woot!

I bought a pair of black boots to replace my older ones. I could only get them at Target, because that's the gift card I had. Unfortunately, the only pair they had were higher healed than I'm used to. I bought them anyway, and figured I'd just have to suck it up and learn how to walk in them. The problem comes with the fact that I walk pretty much everywhere I go, and it was icy. So, my boot issues did tend to plague me a bit.

Anyway, I walked to my friend's party and there was tons of food and great folks, and Guitar Hero. Around ten, we got rides down to the Dublin where we met even more fun people. The bar owner kept handing out all kinds of party favors. So, we had beads (that we didn't have to lift up our shirts for), long phallic balloons, feathery masks and every kind of noisemaker (which, of course, I didn't need). We set off right away to use our props as ridiculous photo ops.

I was very careful to pace myself with my drinking. It meant that the excessive noise making wasn't as funny to me as it was to everyone else, but it also meant I didn't wake up with a hangover this morning either.

Did I get a midnight kiss? Yes, but it was just a friendly one. A guy I knew was in from out of town and had been trying to hang out with me for a couple of days, but either I had my girls, or he went to bed early or whatever. We had been texting each other back and forth all night about our whereabouts and he finally made it to the bar right at midnight and planted one on me. It was all nice and friendly like.

After midnight, we decided to head over to the Picador for the dance party. My friend K. and her boyfriend went ahead because I was being pokey saying my goodbyes. The minute I got outside, I got a call from Mr. B. He wished me a happy new year and told me that his son was having friends stay the night and things were kind of loud and crazy at his place. While we were talking, two cute young frat boy looking types stopped me to ask for directions. As I turned around to help them, I slipped on the ice and fell. Awesome. They were so sweet and tried not to laugh, but I was laughing so hard, and Mr. B. was laughing over the phone and giving me shit about wearing hooker boots and I had another reason to curse my damn footwear.

I got off the phone with Mr. B. once I hit the Picador with a promise to call him later that night when I was on my way home.

The DJ was pretty good and I did some dancing, but again, the boots were a detriment to me getting my groove on.
Finally, I was tired of dealing with the pain, so I decided to make my leave. A couple of the guys I was with tried to talk me out of it, but I really had no idea how I was going to walk home then, I couldn't imagine how much worse it would be if I dragged it out any longer. I left the boys with some good suggestions for afterhours parties. One of them said, "So, what you're saying, is that he's my date for the rest of the night?"

I said, "Yes, I guess that's what I'm saying," and took off. I called Mr. B. and he "walked" me home. I'm glad I had him on the phone to make me laugh and take my mind off how much my feet were killing me trying to maneuver on the ice. We talked until around four, when we were both nodding off.

Today was nice and mellow. The girls and I always see a movie on New Year's Day. It's a tradition passed down from my mom, when we were kids and really poor and didn't know if we'd have enough money to see one the rest of the year. The best part about today, is that tomorrow is Friday, and then I have another whole weekend again. Hooray! I hope your New Year's Eve celebrations were memorable for all the right reasons and that you all made wise footwear decisions.

I've Seen them Dancin', To Hell With Romancin'

So, here's the happy couple from the wedding I went to. No, wait.


Now, here's the happy couple from my girl crush's wedding. Although, if my girl crush's groom left her for my favorite bartender S., that would mean that both of their wives would be open and look how good I look with S.'s gorgeous lady:


And then there's always me and my girl crush:

Yeah. This is all sounding a little too Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice for my blog... So, hey. What was the Saturday Scavenger Hunt word for this week again? Oh, that's right, it's refreshed. So, lets refresh this post and start over.

I took both Thursday and Friday nights to relax and recoup so I'd be all refreshed for Girl Crush's wedding on Saturday night. Of course, that meant that I had exactly one beer on Friday night and then came home and apparently the minute I walked in my door, all the fun started. I got texted a few times telling me to get my ass down to a bar because all the cool kids were there. Shit. I was already in my jammies watching Superbad for the 3rd time, so I wasn't going anywhere.

It was just a damn good thing that there was even more fun on Saturday night when I went out to play. Look how refreshed I am in the above picture. Ahhhhhh!

Here is a picture of me in my daughter's Homecoming dress and my other daughter's Homecoming shoes.

The other important business I wanted to talk about in this post was my wedding attire. Stinky bought a dress last month for Homecoming already, because she loved it and there was only one. Turns out, I loved it too and since I didn't have anything else to wear, I agreed to pay for half if I could wear it to the wedding first. Stinky was all kinds of interested in that, so that's what I wore...That and Coadster's silver and white strappy sandals from Homecoming last year. It's just a damn good thing that my girls go to semi-formal dances, or I wouldn't have anything to wear to weddings.

Bells Will Ring, the Sun Will Shine

Hey, here's another flower shot that Stinky took.

Sooo, tonight we're onto the usual Wednesday, it's late and I'm tired post. I went to Shakespeare's for supper club and it was great, as usual. Then I headed to the Dublin. My friend J. was there. She said she stopped down because she knew I came down on Wednesdays and we had a fun time and a great talk.It was the perfect mid-week break.

Now, for more wedding talk. I think Stinky and I are going to do a little shopping for something to wear for it tomorrow night. I have one dress that will do, but it's not exactly what I want. I thought I'd check out another store because my friend K. said she found really cute sun dresses for $17 and that sounds like exactly what I want. I'll let you know. I'm sure you're all just dying with anticipation.

The other thing is that I have an actual real live date for the wedding. Weird, I know. He's a boy who lives out of town, and he's coming down for the weekend, so it should be fun. The guys I know who are single and hang out at the bar, say they purposely don't bring dates to weddings because that's the best pick-up place ever. I've never met a guy at a wedding before, but I've known people who have. How about you, gentle readers. Have you ever met someone at a wedding? Inquiring minds want to know...

Though I Knew it Wouldn't Help Me None

Hey, so this is the closest to Saturday I've come to getting my Saturday Scavenger Hunt photos up. Of course, the drawback is that I wasn't smart enough to get a breathalyzer installed on my keyboard when I was sober, so now I'm blogging drunk. I know, stoooooopid.

I promise I'll make this quick and not talk about old made for TV movies like I normally do when I'm drunk. Even though, earlier today I was thinking about when my friend A. lived in the apartment across the hall from me and we made a point to hang out on Sunday nights and watch whichever bad one came out and how lucky it was for us that they made not one, but at least three movies about Joey Buttafucco and how we tried to catch every one so we could rate them. I think we decided that the Drew Barrymore one was the best. Isn't that how it went down, A.?

Okay, lucky for you I didn't talk about made for TV movies tonight, huh? Anyway, the word this week was light. Everyone else did great posts with every different meaning for the word light that anyone could imagine. So, for me, I'm using this photo that Stinky took of me when I was getting ready for the Santa Crawl this evening. I told her I wanted to highlight my boots, and I think she did a good job, don't you? Here is the light shining off of the bottom of my tall black boots.

Can I Handle the Seasons of My Life?

Here is Stinky in the snow next to the weird pod vine thing that has sort of become our mascot.

So, it snowed here. I'm sure a lot of you got it too. As I've already told you, I walk to work and back, but I still had to drive on the unplowed roads to get Stinky from basketball practice and one of her friends needed a ride too. Her friend's mom lives about three blocks from us, but her dad lives on the other side of the highway, and of course she was at her dad's house tonight. Here's what I don't get about some people's parents: If the driving conditions are bad, and your kid gets out of practice at 5:30, shouldn't you be going to pick her up instead of driving to Coralville for whatever reason? What would they have done if I hadn't agreed to take her? Let her sit in the junior high parking lot for a half hour in the snow and cold? After almost getting slid into by a car going too fast on the highway, I vowed that next time, I'd just drop the girl off at her mom's house, and make it her dad's responsibility to get her. I love the kid, she's sweet and polite and funny, but I get annoyed with her parents, as it's not the first time this has happened.

Worry not. My evening improved one hundred percent from my stressful drive around town. I made pasta and garlic bread for dinner and then I got to shovel the sidewalk. No one ever believes me, but I love to shovel snow. I know, I'm a freak. I also like to mow the lawn and wash my car if I can do it in my driveway with a bucket and some ripped up towels (even though I've been told this is against city rules and regulations). The reason for all this freakery, is because I love being outside, it makes me happy to do hard physical labor and it instantly looks better... And you know how fond I am of instant gratification.

Stinky did many chores in order to pay for the festive, silvery slippers I bought her last Friday. She vacuumed, cleaned her room, took out the trash and swept and mopped the floor, all while I lounged around my bedroom watching Flags of Our Fathers. Did I feel a little like the wicked step-mother? No, not really. My girls never seem to feel bad when I'm cleaning and they're on the computer or watching a movie either, so I guess we're even.

Style is Surely Our Own Thing

Here is a photo of some hanging speakers.

Hey, has anyone noticed that they are getting tons of google image searches that are leading people to their blogs, or is that just me? I used to get one every few months, now I'm getting like ten or so a day, all from different ISP addresses. Has some new search thing opened up recently?

Lawdy-lawd, how fast the pace gets after one whole day of doing nothing. I'll probably be paying for my get out of jail free card day for the next week or two. Sunday I did all my chores for the weekend and then went to my friend James's house to watch the Steelers win again.

Tonight is supposed to be my night to myself, but my ex needs new tires on his car and can't drive over ice. Plus, the girls needed new stuff for all their activities and my ex prefers not to contribute financially. So, I spent my "me time" taking the girls to different stores and bleeding money all over the mall. Stinky starts basketball on Wednesday and we got her a pair of high tops that even I think are cool They are Adidas and they have this thing where you can switch out the stripes with about twenty different colors. Awesome, huh?

I also ran into my favorite neighbor B. who I haven't seen in forever. She used to work at 126, where I could go hang out and drink wine on her nights there and she lived kind of across the street from me and I could just walk over and pester her entire family. Now she and her twin own a house painting business and she moved further down the street. How lame is it of me that I haven't walked that block over to see her new house since June? Really lame, that's how.

Tomorrow night, I plan on going to the rec building to run. I purposely took a few days off from running when I was so sick, and now the sidewalks are all iced over and I can't safely run on them in the dark without breaking something. So, Coadster and I will go run on the indoor university track. Luckily, Coadster doesn't like running with the iPod, so I don't even have to feel selfish when I hog it all to myself. I love it when my daughters make me look like a better person than I really am.

'Cause I'm Back on the Track and I'm Beatin' the Flack

Here are some leaves congregating by a sewer grate.

Tonight was definitely a girl night in our world. Coadster left for Ames today, so it was just me and Stinky. I decided to plan something that Stinky would like, but Coadster probably wouldn't. We went to the big scary maul with my freinds K. and T. As I've said before, Stinky loves hanging with my girlfriends, mostly because they're awesome but they're also more girly than I am, and they all point out cute things to each other.

Tonight, all that girl energy was particularly helpful to me. I decided to go shopping for that little dress to go with my boots. I originally wanted a red one and had something particular in mind style wise too. I tried on a lot of cute (there's that word again) red dresses with black polka dots or with funky designs, and some with lace that came out of the bottom of the skirt. I found one I liked, but since I've almost gained back all the weight I wanted, I have a little too much junk on top to wear it without it looking obscene. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy with my current weight and finally getting my junk back, it just makes me the wrong build for certain clothes. I was, however, the right build for the adorable (see? I own a thesaurus) short black velvet dress I did buy. Stinky tried it on with my boots - that I've usurped from her, and it looks perfect together. In case you're wondering, (and I'm sure everyone is on the edge of their seats right now) I also bought a pair of black hose with the seam in the back. I think I'm ready for the Santa bar crawl now.

I promise that I'll make tomorrow's post less girly. Hey, I know. I'll write about the mix CD I made K. this week. How's about that?

Are You Ready Boots? Start Walking

Here is a picture of a shed and a lawn mower.

I was going to do a meme that I was tagged for on another blog, but I actually have some bullshit to write about, so I'll save the meme for tomorrow when I'll probably be in need of a topic.

Man, I gotta be careful what I fantasize about, because I will surely get it. I was knocked on my ass by my migraine for most of the weekend. I literally was in my jammies from Friday morning until Sunday morning. Damn. I was going to wish for a ton of money, but with my luck I'd be walking under a building just as someone was throwing gold bricks out the window.

So, Saturday night while I was home watching a movie, I got a text from my friend K. that just said, "Make Out Quest 2007" - no details or anything. It was the meanest thing you could do to a loser like me, who's home on a Saturday night and needs to live vicariously through others. On Sunday morning, she messaged me and said she'd tell me the story at the Vine while we watched the Steelers. AWESOME.

She showed up along with our friend James and another friend who came up from St Louis named Erik. I won't go into any of the details, but it sounds like we need to start frequenting bars in the suburbs of our town, because that's apparently where the hot guys hang out. I was laughing about how I was definitely losing the game because I'm such a shut-in and it's not like any guy is going to come to my house and ask to make out with me. My friend Erik said, "I would. I would totally come to your house and ask to make out with you." Did I mention that Erik is very good for my self-esteem that has been badly bruised since this Summer?

Later when my friend James and I were talking about our love for the old school video games, Erik said that he loved Galaga. I informed him that I'd been playing that a lot recently and he offered to come over and make out with me and then play some Galaga. Now that I think about it, if you threw in some beer and barbecue, that could be the perfect date.

Hey, wasn't I going to tell you about the Steelers game? So, it did not look good for our boys at first. I was kind of surprised, since they usually do so well when I'm viewing their games. I must have said that out loud, because my friend James suggested that I call and tell them that. I promptly picked up my phone and pretended to talk to the Steelers (like any sane person would). I made them aware that I was indeed watching their game, so they needed to get their shit together and win one for me. And while I was at it, I gave them a list of players and one very hot, young coach who should fly directly to Iowa to visit me and my friend K. The crazy thing is, it worked. They started scoring right after that and finally won after a failed field goal attempt by the Browns at the very end of the game. All you Steelers fans can just thank me later.

While we were eating tons of greasy food and watching one of the other Steeler fans at the bar pacing the room when the game was close, Erik mentioned that the Santa Crawl thing he hosts every year was coming up on December 6th. I said I'd try to make it, and then K. and I talked about what we should wear. We now each have a pair of tall black boots and so we figured we'd wear those and work up from there. I was thinking I'd find a cute, short red dress or skirt to go with that and Erik was adamant that I wear black hose with the seam that shows in the back too. Then this guy who Erik worked with at Bruegger's in the eighties, turned around on his bar stool without hearing the beginning of the conversation and said, "You are definitely going to have to wear some tall black boots with that." I assured him that we already had that covered, and then he said, "Okay. I just wanted to make sure you did it right." I thought the whole exchange was kind of funny, but both Erik and James agreed, one thing that looks sexy on any woman no matter how big or small, is that combination of tall boots and short skirt together. I was a little surprised that that many guys had such a strong opinion on it. So, I guess it's time for me to go shopping, huh?

I Got to Get My Props

The magic word this week, was "sin". It was tough to think of what I could do with that. So, me being me, I decided to go ahead and cheat. Yes, I understand that we are supposed to take the photos ourselves, but I'm using really blurry pictures that someone else took of me and my brother and my cousins in the late seventies.

There is nothing more sinful then letting your kid walk around in public wearing two different shades of red and fashioning her hair like Robert Plant in 1969. No wonder I have so many issues now.

Today the girls and I were all in a mellow tone. We cleaned some, but mostly we lounged around. Coadster stayed home from school on Thursday and still wasn't quite up to snuff today. I couldn't fault her for lying on the couch most of the day watching college football, and drinking ginger ale.

Oh yeah. I am so bad about doing the blog fun stuff. A couple of different people gave me props for my blog in the last month, and I forgot to mention it. So, thanks to Not Fainthearted and Lady Who Doesn't Lunch. It's not that I don't appreciate it, I do. It's just that those kind of compliments make me uncomfortable and plus I'm too lame to figure out how to post picture tags of the awards on my sidebar. That having been said, I'm doing the NaBloPoMo thing again this year where you commit to writing a blog post every day for the month of November. I'm usually not very good with commitments, but this one's easy seein's how I write a post pretty much every day all year round. Some guy last year was calling it NaBloMe and I liked it so much, I said it until it wasn't funny anymore. This year, I plan on saying it so much, that it becomes funny again. So, you can all just NaBloMe.

This morning Stinky's friends played Guitar Hero. I was pretty sure I was going to clean up, but I was surprised that all those girls were kicking ass on the hard and expert levels. Damn kids, with their youthful manual dexterity, and finely honed reflexes making me look lame. Jaysus! For those of you who have babies, you know how they tell you to get your kid to pick-up Cheerios to help improve their fine motor skills? Don't listen to them, all it's going to do is give your children the skills they need to soundly kick your ass at Guitar Hero 576 when they're teenagers. Believe me, I know of what I speak.

Now, I must take my leave. I'm having another Saturday night, staying at home, date with myself and there are movies to watch, video games to be played and books to be read. Thank god I get an extra hour tonight.

There's No Use Running Away

Please indulge me tonight while I get all nostalgic for the days when my girls were young enough that they didn't care when I dressed them up like comic book characters. Sigh.

So, I think I'm going through one of those phases. Those ones where I just kind of feel crappy in general. I was tired all day and then when I went running, I didn't get better. Normally, I feel icky after work, and then I go running and essentially wash the scum of work off of me and I feel so much better. Today, however, I felt worse during my run. I made it all the way to Scott Boulevard and had to walk for a bit. War's "Low Rider" and Wilco's version of "Burned" even came on and both of those should have spurred me along, but alas, they didn't.

Once I got home, I realized I was doing that thing again. Have you ever done this, where something in your house needs to be taken care of, but you're too tired or you just can't deal with details at that point in time, so you let it go, until you realize that you're expending more energy avoiding the detail, than just fixing it? That's what I've been doing with changing light bulbs around my house. I just turn on a different light, but now most of the peripheral light bulbs need to be changed too, and well, I guess I finally have to just fucking take care of my shit. Damn, I hate being the grown-up in the house.

Let's recap, shall we? I feel like crap and I'm too lazy to change my own god damn light bulbs. Plus, I keep wanting to make light bulbs one word, even though I know it's two. Gee, I'm a real catch. I don't know why I can't find a date.

Tonight, Stinky and I went to the mall to get a few last minute Halloween costume items. K. called me from Paul's Discount Store last night to see if we needed anything else besides, two packages of fake blood, two black and white make-up kits and a grotesque scar making kit. I told her I thought that should probably cover it from Paul's. Stinky needed to buy fishnets and a tiara for her costume. (she's going as a Halloween princess?) The bustier/corset never materialized, so I'm zombie Catholic school girl. I needed to get a black emo wig and some knee highs, which along with the cute, plaid, pleated skirt is one of the big reasons for my costume. Any decent wigs were sold out, but I did get some knee highs. I may have to settle for braids and just try to keep them out of the mess of the scar I'm going to try to have on my throat. Charming.

Since I looked as crappy as I felt, I was bound to run into a ton of people I knew. I saw my friend Andy, but almost didn't recognize him because he wasn't wearing a hat and I've never seen him outside of a bar, so he was totally out of context. I also saw this woman I used to work with at La Caca, and we talked about how mean we were to our co-workers because we were in such hell, we had no other options. Even twenty years later, a lot of the songs I made up about people were still pretty funny. Have I mentioned that I like to take songs and change the lyrics to suit certain people? I think everyone deserves their own theme song.

Now, I think it's best if I just haul my tired, crap feeling, lazy, dateless ass to bed, seein's how I'm going out tomorrow night and who the hell knows what kind of state I'll be in when I blog next. Good night and good luck.

p.s. I will try really, really hard to get some hideous Halloween photos to post on the blog tomorrow night.

She Looks Like She Don't Know Better

Here is a photo of the story of my life.

So, I was thinking that I might go out this Halloween. Yeah, it's on a school night, but I'd try to come home at a decent hour and not really drink that much. I think I could make it work. Some people I know are doing a Misfits cover band at the Picador. So, K. and I were kicking around the idea of seeing that. Now, the big problem is figuring out a costume. I have this crazy pair of black, knee high boots I could work with. Any suggestions from my readers?

When the girls were younger, I would dress-up to go trick-or-treating with them. One year, when I was still working at the clinic and doing a lot of phlebotomy, I dressed-up like a vampire - even to work. The patients loved it, and Coadster was happy because she suggested it, and even at that tender age she had control issues.

Another year I went as a skank bar hag. That costume was probably the most fun. I found this nasty, sorta slutty dress at Goodwill, that also had weird pit stains. Then I wore ripped-up nylons, heels that were scuffed and broken, I made sure to wear too much make-up and smear it around, and took my hair as big as it's ever been - which, if you know me, you understand just how out of control that was. The nurses I worked with at the time, had so much fun at lunch one day remembering the outfits of every skanky bar hag they knew to try to give me ideas for my costume.

I went to a lot of parties that year, so I don't remember a whole lot from that night. I do recall, being at an after hours party and sitting on a couch between two women, who kept trying to feel me up - one was dressed as Slash and the other dressed as Axl Rose. Come to think of it, that was kind of fun. Maybe I'll bring back the skank bar hag costume again this year.

All I Want Now is Happiness for You and Me

Oh, Winter. I know I've talked so much shit about you in the past, and I'm sorry. You've also paid me back by making those below zero temperatures last week, so I know you've heard me. All those people who call you "Old Man Winter", have never experienced the wrath of a teenaged girl before. Old men can be cantankerous, but they do not have the energy to throw the kinds of tantrums you do.

Because everyone is sick to death of celebrity feuds, and I'm tired of harboring all this hate in my tiny blackened soul, I thought maybe we could settle our differences. It's not like we have to be best girlfriends and drink wine and make fun of Wife Swap together or anything. I was just thinking along the lines of peacefully coexisting.

Since I've become a bit of an expert on dealing with teenaged girls, I understand that I will have to make the first move and appeal to your vanity. So, I'll start by telling you how pretty you looked today. Seriously, that fresh snow really becomes you and it was the good kind, that you can make snowballs with. You also did a great job of evening out your temperature. It was in the upper twenties all day and you controlled your wind. (I don't want to make you feel bad, but you had a little problem with that the last few weeks)

Mostly, I just wanted to thank you for giving me such a great day. I even stepped out of my lair for a couple hours and took photographs and went running. When I got home, after all that exercise, I was still appreciating you because it felt so right and seasonal to take a hot bubble bath and then get out and drink tea while wearing my gigantic, very warm, hideously ugly, lounge clothes.

I hope you accept my apology and we are able to live happily and without incident for the next couple of months. Oh, and if you had anything to do with The Bears winning today, then my daughter thanks you too.

Love,

Churlita

Hey Baby I Like Your Pants

Lookee here! Stinky took a picture of the stained Elvis hat my friend S. from Minneapolis gave her when we were visiting in August.

I've been trying to think about something to write about all night, and nothing's come to me. I was considering doing a post about movies I've seen lately, or I was going to do a memory post and share one of the many beautiful and special events I've experienced in my life, but it all seemed like way too much work and I'm super exhausted from all that time I spend putzing around and obsessing about stupid shit, instead of sleeping. For a minute, I thought I might not post at all tonight, but then I spotted a note Stinky had written me a few days ago and I figured that would be something easy I could slap up on here. Because my readers are all so important to me, I like to just slap shit on the page for you and then go straight to bed.

For those of you who can't read teen scribblings, it says:


Hey,


I went to the mall.* My room's clean. (I'll call you)

Coadster I borrowed a pair of your pants $2.00 is for you.

Love, Stinky

* Please don't ask me why she underlined "Hey", "went" and "mall". Was she originally going to underline every other word and then got bored? Or was emphasizing the fact that she went to the mall part of some kind of junior high code like LOL or WTF, that I can't understand because I don't text message my friends all the live long day? It's another pubescent mystery.

The weird thing about this note was not that she rented her sister's pants, but that Coadster was really pissed off about it. She thought she should have been asked. "You got two dollars," I told her. "That's way better than being asked permission." If somebody wanted to pay me money to borrow my jeans, I would be thrilled... Hey, does anyone feel like going in on a pants rental business with me?