Friday, September 14, 2007

With a Boulder on My Shoulder, Feelin' Kind of Older

Here is a pretty flower.

Please note the time this was written and help me wish that some day, I will get really smart and buy a breathalyzer for my keyboard. I have Friday off, and I have all these things I'm supposed to do. I was thinking about writing a list, so I'd remember to do them all, but lists have bad connotations for me. My friend T. and I were talking about those bottomless chore lists our parents or legal guardians made for us in the Summer and how, because of them, it's hard to make lists for ourselves. The problem for me is that I remember to do a lot of everyday things, but forget to take care of the odd things, like making a hair appointment that has already been paid for. I'll have to wait for tomorrow to make that list, because I'm obviously a little on the dee-runk side right now. And judging by my behavior so far this evening, my "Churlita's drunken list of things to do" must have looked something like this:

1. Drink some PBR.

2. Talk loudly and yell, "Tits!" and Woo-Hoo!" a lot.

3. Get my drunk ADD on and only stay in one place for about 15 minutes at a time before I walk down to the beer garden, up to where the bands are playing and back downstairs to buy a beer.

4. Pretend to listen to my friend talk about whatever stuff he was talking about, but secretly be longing for my TV that I left home, all alone in my room.

5. Listen to my friend K. tell me that my friend wanted me to know that he wasn't trying to hit on me.

6. Walk up to said friend and say, "Hey, quit trying to hit on me, goddammit."

7. Point out the scariest looking guy in the bar to my friend K. and say, "That's your new boyfriend."

8. Watch my friend K. point to the guy who won't stop whistling and hear her say, "That's your new boyfriend then."

9. Try not to laugh two seconds later when "my new boyfriend" approaches me and asks, "Do you shop at the Co-op?"

10. Answer, "Sometimes..." and watch as he points to his chest and says, "I work in the meat department." Lie and tell him I think I recognize him and do my best not to look at my friend K. when he says, "You're fuckin' beautiful. I just had to tell you that."

11. Thank him and suddenly decide I need to go back by the bar and get myself some water.

12. Find the gayest guy in the bar and make him dance with me.

13. Abandon the gayest guy in the bar for my friends Brie and Ashley, so that we can do our kick-ass, punk rock, show choir moves.

14. Wonder to myself why people stopped naming kids Mary and Susan after 1975.

15. Leave through the beer garden, but stop along the way and introduce myself to people much younger than me and then explain to them that I used to work with their parents or their girlfriend's parents. (this is why, this is why, this is why I'm hot (not))

16. Blog drunk, drink a full glass of water, take an unhealthy amount of pain relievers and bemoan the fact that Stinky has early volleyball practice and must be at school at 6:30 in the morning.

17. Gaze longingly at my TV until I fall asleep.


Remiman said...

Good morning! Glad you had a great time.
See ya in two weeks.

not fainthearted said...

Now....THAT'S a night out!!!!


Tara said...

That's a great list, it reminds me I must go out with friends more often and blog under intoxication. :)

I hope you and your TV get to spend some quality time together this weekend!

.j.william. said...

"I work in the meat department"

best bad line I've heard in a while. love it.

Leo said...

PBR? PBR? Really? Oh, dear, you must feel like crap today....

I thought that stuff had been made illegal back in the early '80's!!

booda baby said...

ahahha. (Ooh. A drunk version of ha ha ha!) I always enjoy my vicarious adventures with you, but having had my OWN recent run in with too much alcohol too quickly, I think my mirror neurons went along for the ride on this post. I am glad I have - oh. YOU have. - Friday off.

DJSassafrass said...

He should have offered to work his meat in your department!
Co-op guys don't know how to pick up classy chicks!

Poptart said...

I love you. This is hilarious.

laura b. said...

Hilarious! Everyone should drunk blog more often. Sounds like a great night. I hope that after getting up and getting Stinky off to practice you could go right back to bed and stay there for as long as you wanted.

Chance said...

God, sometimes life's really worth living, ain't it? Sounds AWESOME.

Churlita said...


Have a great trip. I'll just be sitting here in Iowa all jealous.


Whew, is right.


We already spent some time together today. I think it's going to be a long, happy relationship for me for once.


If you were still single, I'd let you use it, but you don't have to tell people you work in the meat department anymore.


PBR is still out there and still cheap, just the way I like it.

Booda Baby,

Yeah, a little bit of alcohol goes a long way with me.


Don't I know it. There was so much more he could have done with that meat department line...


Come back and visit and we can have these very loud adventures together.


Oh yes. I had a threesome with my bed and my TV. It was great.


It really is. It's just so easy to forget that sometimes.

Michelle said...

LOL, you're one of those fun drunks! We must have the same drunken to-do list, because 90% of that list is something I tend to do after downing too many shots ^_^

Churlita said...


Stop in Iowa on your way to Spain. We can party together.

David in DC said...

I tripped the merry-go-round.

With this very unpleasing sneezing and wheezing, the calliaope crashed to the ground.

Manfred Mann's Earth Band Sucks.

The Boss Rules.

G-d I love your post titles.


(See, I read the actual posts, too.)