Here is another flowering tree. I feel like it' s the least I can do for you after writing this whiny post.
Well, kids. I finally did it. I reached my saturation point and quickly turned into a whiny, self-indulgent, poor me'er and wah fuckin' wah'er. My head was full of I'm tired and how great would it be to have help or have my ex contribute anything, financially or time wise just to give me some kind of break, and I need a day off, and wah and wah and woe is me and bullshit, bullshit, bullshit...I do get that most people in the world have it way worse and for the largest chunk of my life, things have been so much harder than they are right now. I know that. In terms of the rest of my life, I'm living on easy street. It's just that some days I can live my life with much more grace than others, and today I seemed to have misplaced my grace.
More lilacs, because I can't get enough, and I suspect, neither can you.
Because I am one of those annoying fix-it people, (my friends have to tell me when they just want to vent, or I try to find books or ideas to help them) I asked myself what would help me right now. You know, if I could have anything in the whole world that I wanted. I decided that a couple of days off, by myself on a beach somewhere warm might do the trick. I wouldn't even need the internet or movies. I could get by just fine with music, books, food and beer and/or wine. My days and nights would be spent running, walking, swimming, reading, eating, and drinking. There would be no one around to ask me questions like, "have you seen my shin guards?" or "Can I have $10?" or "Can you come and pick me and three of my friends up and drop them off at separate destinations all across town?" or the most hated, "What's for dinner?" and when I tell them they say, "Oh, I guess I can just have some cereal..."
Yeah, I wouldn't have any of that for at least two days. In my fantasy, my girls would be well taken care of and out of any kind of trouble. Oh, and while I was at it, I invented a tribe of elves (do elves hang in tribes?) to clean my house from top to bottom too. There. That would probably do it.
After I finished conjuring up my pathetic single mom fantasy, I actually felt a hundred million times better. I had a little talk with the girls about how it would be great if they tried a little harder to show me some respect and not take all the shit I've been doing for granted. I said I knew we were all busy and stressed-out, but I'm not their maid or chauffeur or chef or waiter and I'm also not made out of money. So, maybe if we all pitched in, I wouldn't be so frazzled and all of our lives would be better. They apologized and agreed they'd try harder. We'll see how it goes...
After working on getting my daughters' respect, I also cleaned my kitchen and made some banana bread. It's nothing like a beach getaway, but it's what's here right now, and it did make me feel better. Hey, I'll take what I can get.