Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Stinky after hawking Hawkeye apparel for work last Saturday.

Stinky was talking about how glad she was that she and Coadster were getting along lately. I had noticed it too and it made me happy. I'm sure it's my orphan issues talking, but I always hoped my girls would be close, so they'd have each other if anything ever happened to me and their dad. I also realize the importance of having someone to make fun of your parents with. It's not like you want anyone else talking shit about your folks, but let's be honest, most parents deserve to made fun of at some point. Lord knows, even as much as I make fun of myself, it still doesn't seem to be enough.

Remember how I told you I always dance as much as possible around the girls' friends to make up for them embarrassing me at the store when they were two and I had to carry them screaming outside, while everyone else either gave me the apologetic smile, or that "you are a child abuser and I am this close to calling DHS" glare? Anyway, tonight Stinky was listening to Thriller and I started doing one of my dorkiest dance moves ever. "Hey, what if I danced like this in front of your friends? How would you like that?" I asked, trying to bait her.

Stinky glanced at me for a second and said, "You already have, mother, " and went right back to texting and instant messaging about 7,000 kids at once.

Here is a blurry Stinky, minus the Hawkeye cowboy hat, the fake face tattoo and the peace sign.

So, on Sunday night I watched the VMA's with Stinky, because I couldn't get her to watch the Bears game, damn it. There were a few times where I wanted to be all appalled at shit, as if Madonna never simulated masturbation back at the 1984 awards when I watched MTV on a regular basis or anything, but then I thought I'd just try to be objective and ask questions.

Me: Why does Lil Wayne keep grabbing his package like that?

Stinky: Because he's gangsta.

Me: Oh, okay. Now, are all those quiet spaces where they're bleeping out the swears?

Stinky: Yup. This song is a lot better without that.

Me: Well, yeah. Since 70% of it is dead air this way.


Remiman said...

Yeah, I can only immagine what my kids say about me when they get together out of range!
That's a parent's job isn't it?...to give their kids something to bond about?
God made our arms just the right length, don't you think?

evilesb138 said...

I watched the Bears-Colts game...

I guess when a performer is a gangsta, they have to put up with the itching and burning of male itch...buying something to treat it would lose them valuable "street cred"....

Me and the Alien took a while to start getting along. We used to fight when we were younger but that goes away with time.

Mrs. Hairy Woman said...

it's good to know they do have each other when you can't be there for them.. we tell that to our kids all the time..We say " Be nice to your brother/sister, you only will have each other once we are gone".

Anonymous said...

So, the dead spots are where the swear words are? I thought the gangstas just had a really bad stuttering problem.

Leo said...

Being a grumpy old man of 44, the crotch grabbing didn't bother me so much as make me embarassed for him. When these kids turn 40, they'll have the same reaction. Hope I live long enough to make fun of 'em!!

However, I did think most of the music sucked. I guess at 44, I'm not supposed to like it. Mission accomplished.

Minyo said...

Maybe you need to come up with some even more embarrassing dance moves to demonstrate in front of the girls' friends.

I didn't watch the VMA's. I like to hear music where 70% of the words don't need to be edited :)

Tara said...

I love that cowboy hat!

I used to crack up when my brothers would make fun of my parents. They put in a few good one-liners at times.

"Thriller" is an awesome song to dance dorky to. It's a fact.

Susan said...

I watched it too. I was on the phone with my mother during the performance and the conversation went something along the lines of:

mom: "Susan, are you watching tv?"
me: "uh, yeah"
mom: "not qvc or food network?"
me: "no"
mom: "is there something wrong with the sound on your tv?"
me: "no, they're beeping out parts of a song"
mom: "what the (beeeeep) is the (beeeping) point of that (beep)"

laura b. said...

I agree with Minyo, if the dance moves you are currently employing are no longer embarrassing you will have to go even further. I feel pretty confident you can do it :-)

Cute pictures of Stinky!

DJSassafrass said...

My fave part of Sunday night? I went to watch VH1 and the screen said:
Why aren't you watching the VMAs on MTV? We are. Love, VH1.

Uh, yeah Lil wayne totally rode in on an elephant...huh?

*Renee* said...

Oh the lovely VMA's! I watched it as well and some of it was flat out ridiculous!!! Not sure which rapper (maybe Lil Wayne) but while he was singing, he had his pants about 80% down and you see his underwear. Like WTF is that all about?

egan said...

Stinky looks so much like you in the top shot. I actually thought it was you at first, must be the blur.

It's great to see the siblings getting along. That's a good thing. The bonds between siblings are amazing. As you said, someone does have to keep the parents in check too.

Poptart said...

I had to read the context to know what VMA stood for. How sad is that?

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

I was so relieved the first time my husband made fun of my parents in front of me. I don't have anyone else to talk smack about them with. He does it in a way that doesn't offend me or make me want to defend them.

Your girls will start to get along better the older they get too.

Churlita said...


I like to think that it's my number one job while their teenagers and it's so easy to give them something to talk about.


Ha ha. I'm just glad I'm not gangsta.


I know people who don't get along with their siblings at all and it would make me so sad if my girls were like that.


It sounds like that, huh? Or else they're singing through their cell phones with a really bad connection.


I'm right there with you. There wasn't much variety at all. It was all rap or pop divas for the most part. And was it me, or did Lil Wayne perform with everyone who sang?


It would be hard. My dance moves are pretty damn embarrassing now. But I'm up for the challenge.


My girls' are actually pretty funny when they give me a hard time. Of course, it would be funnier if they were teasing someone else.


Your mom must be as hilarious as you.


I'll try. It's usually best when I try to mimic the dance crews on TV and mess it all up. That really gets them.


That's bizarre. And MTV was so hot for Lil Wayne that night. It was like his own variety show.


I know. The crazy part was that what his jeans were there to cover (his goods and his ass) were totally exposed and his legs were covered. Der.


Thanks. I'll take that as a compliment.

I agree. My siblings have pretty much saved my life at different times.


It's probably sadder that I know than that you don't.


He's good then. Because that poking fun of someone's parents can be a slippery slope.