Here is a photo of some boats. I'd like my ship to come in, but I'd settle for something smaller too.
I've been weird lately. Okay, weirder. Whatever. Shut-up. I wanted to blame it on hormones or the full moon or the fact that the seasons are changing, or that the world economy seems to be going straight down the shitter or that I pretty much let my boy prospects dry up heading into hibernation season (stupid, stupid, Churlita), but I think it's something else this time. I realized tonight that I've been waiting for something to happen. Not just anything. I realize that when I don't specify that I want that something to be good, I get hit with a veritable shit storm of bad things and so, I'll just make a point to say right here and now that I'm waiting for something good to happen.
I've been letting things go - forgetting to pay bills until the last minute, leaving a trail of kicked-off shoes in my wake once I get home, my plants are all completely parched and the lightbulbs should be changed. I think I've mentioned before that I know when I need to get my shit together when I have to walk two rooms away in order to find a light that actually works in my apartment. Well, I'm getting close to that point. Meanwhile, I wait for things to get taken care of. I'm passively hoping to get saved. I'd settle for a Mary Poppins if she would promise not to be so annoyingly cheery and singing all the time. Money would be another great savior. Can you imagine being able to pay someone to simply take care of all your annoying shit for you? Don't get me wrong, it's not just the details, although taking care of the details is what I'm the worst at. I would also like to find something to get a little excited about. For most of this year, I had my trip to plan and look forward to, and now I'm just kind of hanging out.
When I was at the training academy for the Conservation Corps., one of my co-workers asked our crew leader if he had some kind of energy pill to help her get started cutting fire line. He just laughed and said, "Yeah. It's called my boot in your ass. Is that the kind of pill you were thinking of?" Which is what I probably need, to essentially kick myself in the ass and get going on shit. Because, when I think about it. I probably go through this every year about this time, when I'm broke after the Summer and I've used up my vacation time. Sooner rather than later, I'm sure, I'll just get over myself and clean my shit up, figure out a project to work on and just save my own damn self.