It's Time for the Good Times. Let's Forget About the Bad Times. Oh Yeah.

Here is some phallic cornucopia for your holiday.

Probably by the time you read this, it will be Thanksgiving. So, happy holiday and hug the closest Native American you can find - because it really should be their holiday afterall.

Me? I'm just happy for the shortened work week. Unfortunately, I packed a lot of crap into the three days. I think in this post, I'll examine the good and the bad of things lately.

Here is my list of things that make me go, FUCK!:

1.) I got home from work yesterday and found a disconnection notice on my door from the water people. We had spent so much time together in September, I thought we were close to becoming friends or family, but it turns out we're not. On further review, it appears that the water people are those snotty-ass girls in junior high who pretend to be your friend and then suddenly start talking all kinds of shit about you in an effort to make all the other junior high girls hate you.

I had to go down today to figure out why they were again asking me for almost $200 or they would shut my water off within the week. The woman told me I was two days late in paying my bill and that voided the payment plan we had set up and she was forced (although it killed her to do it) to ask for the amount due in full and to charge me a $20 fee for posting the disconnect notice. Her hands were tied, you see. I tried to explain to her that for the last two months, my bill was due on the twentieth and for some reason this bill was due two days earlier. She didn't care, because it says right there that if you are late in paying, the payment plans becomes null and void. I let her go on for a while with the "Blah, blah, blah. Beyond her control, blah blah." And I blank stared her and sighed excessively until I started hearing, "Blah, blah, blah. I guess I can just reinstate your payment plan, but you have to pay what's due this month right now and I suppose I can write off the $20 too..." Thank god, it's over. But I really can't emphasize enough how much I hate dealing with The Man.

2.) I had to go to the mall tonight. Three of my nieces have birthdays this week and a few of the relatives won't be coming back for Christmas. The mall was pretty empty, but there were still those people in the middle of the aisle that bug you about trying their stupid products. Stinky went with me and talked a lot about her friends and who was dating whom and who she had to call and break up with a boy for one of her friends so that they wouldn't get yelled at. Apparently, it's all very delicate and complicated. You would hate to just be straighforward or anything.

3.) I was immensely stupid at work today. The kind of stupid where you find yourself staring at the computer screen and wondering what you were doing and then when you try to focus, all you can do is obsess about what you're going to make for dinner. I'm expecting to be plastered all over the error report on Monday.

4.) I came to the sudden realization today that it has been almost exactly four years since I've dated.

Now, here is the list of things that make me go, YEA!:

1.) The weather is amazing. 60 fucking degrees outside. Can you stand it? I was too warm walking around in a hooded sweatshirt and jeans. I'm not sure if it's the kind of warmth caused by El Nino, or if it's scary global warming, melting ice caps while I jauntily tie my sweatshirt around my waist for the walk home from work.

2.) My boss' wife is about ready to have a baby and he has been in an awesome mood lately. He even sang me G 'n' R during the last cold November rain. Maybe he won't sweat that error report too hard on Monday...

3.) The students have been gone all week. Iowa City has seemed like a ghost town. You can even find parking downtown. Honestly, I don't think I viewed one Illinois license plate in the last few days. I was the only runner out tonight too. It was great to have the sidewalk all to myself.

4.) I came to the sudden realization today that it has been almost exactly four years since I've dated. I put this on both lists because I'm still 50/50 on whether this is good or bad. I suppose I better wait to date a little longer until I decide it should only live on the "bad things" list.

Okay, now run along and start masticating.