Friday, November 03, 2006

Because It Was Nothing Like We'd Ever Dreamt

This one here I took on the Summit Street bridge.

The spam in my work e-mail account has been out of control this week. So, November isn't only the write a novel or post every day month, it must also be some kind of promotional spam every e-mail account fifty times a day month as well. And how would one shorten that to make it easier to post on a blogger's sidebar - SpEvEmAFiTiDaMo?

So far, I've counted over ten different ways to spell Viagra in order to get past the filters. (viabgra, vigagra, vilmagrla...) I think it would be more fun if the spammers were a little more creative and tried to shove the letters that spelled out viagra into actual words. They could make new viagra-based words like, viagrable (definition - capable of living, developing or germinating with a huge boner) or viagraduct (definition - a series of spans or arches used to carry a road or railroad over a gigantic erection) or my favorite, Viagra Dolorosa (a difficult course or experience caused by an embarrassing, prolonged, hard-on).

The other bizarre spam e-mails are the ones that have subjects like, "Oratio Recta Old-Maidism" and then when you open it, all it says is, "claim an acuaintance with you-mr. blingey and his sisters." Huh? I don't get it. Was there supposed to be some virus infected attachment embedded in it that our IT people deleted? Or is there some sick fuck out there who is on a crusade to kill office peons slowly and painfully by annoying them to death when they have to stop what they're doing every five minutes to delete nonsensical crap?

9 comments:

Remiman said...

Chrlita,
Junk, the world is full of it. Too many people try to use their creativity to sell junk to others who are naive or think "if something is too good to be true than I want it." Sadly, it must work often enough to propel these shysters to continue.
rel

Trevor Jackson said...

Yeah, it's the empty spams that unnerve me. I always imagine I've just invited the spammer to examine my bank account when I open the empty ones.

Still laughing about viagraduct. How about viagrave? A grave an extra foot deep to bury the old men who leave, um, still at attention.

Or viagraffiti: spray-painted renderings of boners that look like they're smashing through the brick wall they're painted on.

Churlita said...

Remiman,

It does make me wonder if it works on other people. I'm sure if it didn't, they wouldn't continue to spam people, but then I feel so badly for the people who buy the vilabgra.

Trevor,

Viagrave is perfect. I think there is some viagrffiti spray painted down the street from me.

Neil said...

Who exactly is buying all this viagraduct over the internet? Isn't it easier just going to the doctor?

Churlita said...

One would think, but is there an embarrassment factor for men with that or is it cheaper to buy it on-line instead of paying for an appointment AND the drug? I'm obviously not the one to be asking about this...Anyone else out there want to help?

Anonymous said...

My favorite part of those ads is "...erections lasting longer than 4 hours are serious and may require medical attention..." You think? For a very funny book on with viagra overtones check out out Chris Buckley's "No Way to Treat A First Lady"

Churlita said...

I'm not sure how it works for guys, but wouldn' a four hour erection be painful and would you still be able to pee?

I've actually been looking for a good book with Viagra overtones. We should ask Ondine if there is a section for that at the library now.

Anonymous said...

The two books with the Thai detective character Bangkok 8 and Bangkok Tatoo...his mother is a retired prostitute who runs a house that caters to retired widowers from US and europe...she sells them viagra and provides the introductions... Good local flavor books...over the top but isnt that the point. cant remember author JOhn Burkett? too tired to google as that would require another window.

Churlita said...

That's good. I bet I can find it all on my own. I understand being too tired to Google as I am right there myself.