Monday, May 28, 2007

Who's Got the Funk, When You're Feeling Low Down?

Oh, look. It's another recycled picture. One of these days, I swear I'll get out and take some more.

So, I guess I'm just gonna go ahead and get a little more open than I should on here. You'd hate for me to practice any kind of discretion whatsoever on these here internets. I mean, it's not like just anyone can read this or anything, right?

What I'm trying to say, is that I went through a little funk this weekend. I used to have them a lot more when I was younger and fucked up and afraid to honestly look at my issues and work on shit, so they could get fixed. It's actually been a long time since I felt this kind of self-indulgently moody. It wasn't bad, it was more like this thing that would come at me in waves and sometimes kind of creep in and other times just blindside me. Basically, on Saturday I did some lying around and thinking too much about really stupid shit that, in the scheme of things, probably didn't matter or wasn't really going to ever happen. I woke up on Sunday morning kind of down and feeling sorry for myself, and then again, this afternoon, I relapsed into another bout of the wah-fucking-wahs.

It's been a while since I've felt this way, so it took some time to figure out what to do about it. I wish there was a way to put up barriers in the parts of your brain, where you shouldn't oughta enter. Instead, I did my lying around, I took copious naps, I ran, I ran some more, I distracted myself, and then just spent some time by myself so as not to infect anyone around me. I did bother my friend K. about it (who is a saint, by the way) and then when I got home, I had a voice mail from another friend of mine, who I didn't want to bother. I didn't call her back, but I did message her to let her know that I was too annoying to talk to and that she was totally welcome to thank me later for saving her from myself.

The thing about this funky stuff, is that if I could be logical, I'd see that there is very little basis for it. I have a halfway decent job, my daughters are amazing, I'm the luckiest girl ever in terms of friends, I can usually cover most of my bills and I've discovered the things I need to do for myself to make me happy, and I do them. The funk just makes me concentrate on the couple of things that aren't exactly what I want, or worry about stupid shit that might could happen in the future. It's such a self-indulgent way to look at my life. The kicker is, that when I'm in the funk, all that stupid shit seems so real.

19 comments:

Poptart said...

Listen, you: a) we all get the funk. The fact that you are so analytical and apologetic about it makes me wanna shake you for *that* - remember that's what blogs are there for! and b) you ROCK. And the fact that you can write about being in a bad-ass shitty mood without whining (like other people we know, ahem) in your blog and still be funny (the texting your friend bit, and the labels always kill) as hell makes you vastly superior to everyone, and that betterness alone should put you in a better mood. But if it doesn't, remember that a 3-1/2 day weekend is harder to come off of than a regular one, and then check your cycle (are you PMSing like me?), and eat something you want, and run, and hug the girls because maybe you missed them, and get out there and take some new f-ing pictures for god's sake, or go see a summer blockbuster with the number 3 at the end, and call a friend if you need to. Any one of us would gladly listen to some wah-fuckin-wah for once from you, missy.

Ok, have a good Tuesday, buckaroo.

Remiman said...

Churlita,
And here all this time I thought you were perfect. ;-)

Now I find out your human. I'm pleased to meet ya traveler.
Have a stupendous week (short one)
rel

Babybull40 said...

Ya know Poptart is right.. we all get that funk.. We tend to feel sorry for ourselves cause in the end no one else is going to feel sorry for us.. We have to go through all this shite and then some before we realize that we have it so lucky.. great kids, great friends.. You do "rock" and I love coming here and reading about whatever mood you are in.. even when you are somewhat intoxicated... cause you are funny.. and please do us all a big favor.. when you go out running stop and take some pictures..it's hard to be alone sometimes and that alone can bring on those "what if" demons.. so no more of that ... okay...? okay.. lol

notfainthearted said...

I don't know this poptart...but she's one damn smart cookie. er, toaster pastry.

I am of the firm belief sharing the funks is what gets us over them. and these here internets are great for that.

Rock on, sister.

Heather Anne said...

I'm sorry you had the funk. I hope your week brightens up. :)

Margaret said...

the funk's part of the flavor, like the moldy stuff on bleu cheese

booda baby said...

Maybe you needed some of that self-indulgent time, however it showed up. I'm sorry it wore funk clothing - wouldn't it have been nice if was all bubble bath fluffy or dressed like a talcum powder beach in Thailand at sunset?

fringes said...

Churlita, you're not alone. You knew that already, but sometimes we all need reminders.

Dagromm said...

I hate the funk, but we all get hit with it sometimes. I think your daughters will kick you out of that funk pretty quick though. Kids are good for no letting you have the time to think too much.

Churlita said...

Poptart,

Thanks for the talk. I definitely needed it. I think I'm doing better now.

Rel,

Thanks. I'm WAY too human.

Babybull40,

Okay.

Not Faint hearted,

Yeah. My friends keep telling me the same thing. I guess I should listen, huh?

Heather Anne,

Thanks. Me too.

Margaret,

I could so be the moldy stuff on bleu cheese right now.

Booda Baby,

You're right. It was just a drag it was all pimped out like Bootsy Collins.

Fringes,

Thanks for the reminder.

Dagromm,

Them being gone could have been part of it too. I had no reason to get over myself.

mist1 said...

I narrowly avoided a funk last night. I woke up on the living room floor and looked around and thought for a moment that surely, there must be more to life. Also, the carpet print on my cheek made me feel not-so pretty.

I noticed how nice the carpet looked and decided that it wasn't so bad after all. I abhor the funk.

Mr Atrocity said...

The funky times help to put the good times in perspective. Without the bad times and the grumpy times we'd never know when we were really having fun; it's all relative. So now, in the words of the MC5, it's time to, "Kick out the jams, motorscooter". I may have changed the last word there for the benefit of the easily offended, though why they'd be reading this blog I can't imagine. Accident I guess.

evil-e said...

It happens to the best of us. Sometimes extra time is the worst thing you can have, you end up spending too much of it in your own head. The funks will get moving and you will return to your old self and feel funky again. Not "funk"-ee

Liz said...

The funks you can't pin-point the cause of... those are the worst because, if you're like me, you start cycling into this whole, "I'm so shitty I'm being an ass over NOTHING."

Girl, it sounds like you need some lounge pants. They are the first step toward recovery.

You know, life moves forward. This too shall pass. As a matter of fact, I'll bet it already has.

Churlita said...

Mist1,

Carpet impressions on your face can make any girl feel funky.

Mr Atrocity,

If anyone is easily offended, I doubt they get through any of my posts, let alone the comments.

I love MC5.

Evil-E,

You're right. I would much rather feel funky, than funk-ee.

Liz,

If I had decent lounge pants, I probably wouldn't have gotten the funk at all.

Stepping Over the Junk said...

that was vaguely like my Monday.

Tara said...

Funk happens to all of us. It's true, when you can focus on the stuff that is good, you realize you have a pretty good deal. But yes there are times when nothing seems right, everyone is annoying you and/or little things seem so much bigger. That's when throwing stuff across the room helps a lot. At least it does with me. My phone has been thrown across the room so many times, and it still works!

Churlita said...

Stepping,

Sorry to hear it.

Tara,

I should have just found something to throw.

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