Life in the Fast Lane

I'm pressed for time...Again.

We had a bike race on Sunday and this is what if looked like.

The Guy got third in his category.

I was 5th from last...Which is much better than last year when I was always the very last. I'm much stronger now, but still not able to keep up with the pack. There was a crazy big hill that did me in. I'm going to start going on group rides with the women racers in town and see if that helps me at all. So many things to work on, so little time...

And Feel, Feel, What It's Like to be New

Here is a pumpkin patch.

While I was running tonight, it was getting dark before I finished and I flashed on a time last year where I got a late start in my run because I was looking at houses. Holy crap! It just brought it all back.

Last year at this time, I was still living in my old apartment, both my girls were living at home and I was looking for a house. Weird. It feels like so much longer ago than that and I feel like such a different person...In a good way. I feel like I've done so much internal work on myself and external work on my house, but I have such a long way to go on both projects. I'll go as far as to say it will be never ending. I guess it's damn good thing I'm not afraid of hard work then.

Of course, the best part is how much nicer everything is because of it. I'm sure I'll never get over all of my issues and doubt my house will either. But it's amazing how much better we both are after a year's worth of work

It's the Room, The Sun and the Sky

Hey, does anyone know what this plant is? I know it's not a great pic. This was taken right after I uncovered it from a bunch of leaves. I checked on it again today and it has had time to photosynthesize, so it's way more purpley.

Today was the first really warm day of the year and I think I can speak for all Iowans when I say it was about fucking time. JAYSUS! but it was a long Winter. I walked around downtown during my lunch and on my 3 o'clock break. It was like everyone finally emerged from their lairs to get their share of vitamin D. I saw so many people I didn't even know still lived in town. I walked past one of the lawyers who used to frequent the coffee shop where I worked in the 90's. He stopped me when he recognized me and asked me how and what I was up to. I filled him in very quickly and he informed me that he had 7 grand kids now. Then he said, "Well, I guess time marches on..." It certainly does.

I rode my bike home from work and opened up every curtain and blind I had. Over the Winter I kept things pretty closed up, and so I was a little worried my house wouldn't provide enough sunlight for me in the warmer months. Luckily, I found out I was wrong. It should be nice and bright when I keep everything open this Spring and Summer.

I ran about a 7 mile route and saw some of the other runners on my route for the first time of the season. The one shorter lady with the glasses who swings her arms from side to side in front of her, still wouldn't smile or wave at me but B., this guy I know who waits tables at 126, ran past me wooo-hooing and raising both fists in the air, so I guess he made up for it.

When I got home, I started in changing out my storm windows for screens. I've never done that before, and wasn't quite sure how tough it would be or how heavy the windows would be, but it was all pretty easy. I was able to clean and change about half of them before it got too dark to see.

Tomorrow is supposed to be another glorious day, before the weather turns back again late on Friday for the weekend. Awesome. So, I was thinking I'd see if my boss would let me take half of a furlough day tomorrow afternoon. It would be so great to get off at noon, go running, take Stinky to work at 2'ish and then spend the rest of the afternoon doing yard work. I could easily spend at least a week just raking the last five years of leaves and sticks in my yard. Keep your fingers crossed that my boss lets me go. That would give me the other half of a furlough day saved for later in the month when it gets warm again.

Warning Sign, Warning Sign, I See It But I Pay It No Mind

A recycled pic of me writing in my journal when I was in the California Conservation Corps. Check out the old fashioned typewriter.

So, reading the novel, Brooklyn has got me thinking about my first night alone in San Francisco. I moved by myself when I was 19 to join the California Conservation Corps. I signed up in Santa Rosa, but I stayed one night in a cheap motel in San Francisco the day my plane landed. It's writing assignment time again. As usual, I'm just writing this out now, and it will be rough, rough, rough:

She wondered how she'd feel if she could look into the future and see that everything was going to be okay...Or not. Would she still be so scared and lonely? Would she still feel like the only thing she had in her motel room was an absence? An absence of friends, familiar surroundings and almost everything she owned. It was more prevalent than anything that she actually had. She worried that it would take over in her sleep. The darkness of everything she had just given up, would overwhelm the room - a kind of black hole of loss that would devour her along with the hideous bedspread, the stained burgundy carpet and the TV chained to a desk.

After she first checked in, she thought it would be nice to go for a walk and check out the neighborhood. She had been too long in Iowa and forgot that in other places, she needed to be more aware of her surroundings. It hadn't occurred to her to check and find out if the area on Van Ness Street where her motel was located was safe. She had stepped out of her room and noticed the proximity of water right away. It must be the bay. She headed toward some docks, thinking it might be relaxing to sit and watch the water and the birds. She was an idiot. About five minutes later a group of guys started towards her. Saying things she didn't want to hear. She stood up and walked quickly away from them and right back to her room.

At first she sat in silence and when that was too much, she turned on the television. On MTV, Cyndi Lauper was getting ready to wrestle Hulk Hogan. Why? She had no idea, but she wasn't at all in the mood to see it and changed the channel to catch the very beginning of a Clint Eastwood movie, Play Misty for Me. It probably wasn't the best thing for her to watch either, but she kept it on while a female stalker chased Clint Eastwood around with a knife. The noise and the lights of it filled the room.

It ended around 10 and she thought it was late enough that she could go to bed without feeling too pathetic on a Friday night. The next day she would take a van up the coast to Santa Rosa and rent a room at the Redwood Motel. She had no idea what would happen from there. She wanted to feel the excitement of a new adventure, but she was too scared. All she could feel was that thing that was filling her room now that the lights and sound were gone and she gathered all that absence around her and fell asleep, without any clue where she would be in a week.

Cuz What We Are, Is Victims of Fun

Here is Ironman. He's here to help show off my new home.

Okay, kids. I got some cleaning and unpacking done tonight. Not as much as I wanted, but I never seem to get as much done as I want. That's okay. We're here now. We got nuthin' but time, right?

My counters suck. Even Ironman agrees. They will be replaced as soon as possible.

Tomorrow is my last day of work for the week. I'm going to get as much cleaning and unpacking done around the house as possible tomorrow evening, but then I'm going to take the time to relax and drink a beer and either read a book or watch a movie. As I recall, letting myself relax for a couple of hours can make me a much more pleasant person.

Ironman and I are both in agreement about the awesomeness of my drankin' porch too.

I will try to get some blogging done over the long weekend. I'll try to work it into the rest of my itinerary that tentatively looks like this:

Thursday: Running in the morning. Driving to O-town. Eating food, watching kids wrestle and wishing I had remembered to bring earplugs. Driving home in the evening. Possibly going to my friend K.'s for an hour, or just staying home and trying that relaxing thing I talked about earlier.

Friday: If I don't get out and get it on Wednesday evening, I might actually brave the shopping insanity and buy a ladder, hedge trimmers and a bow saw. With those items, I will clean my gutters, limb up some trees, and tidy up some foliage when I'm actually home during the day. I also will do some more cleaning and packing inside. There's a rock show that night, that I will probably miss. I have a feeling I'll pass-out long before it even starts.

Saturday: My family is coming to town and we'll eat food, I'll show off my house and my brother will help guide me and do a few things around my place. They usually all take off around dinner time. Saturday night is up for grabs. Coadster will be at her dad's and Stinky is babysitting for a friend of mine. I should have the night to myself, but I have no clue what I'll do with it.

Sunday: I'll do more of what I did on Friday. Of course, I will also try to run every day. I'm so happy to have a long weekend to finally get stuff done on the new place...And to force myself to relax for a few hours here and there. Ahhhhhhh.

You May Tell Yourself, This Is Not My Beautiful House

My soon to be new home. I stole this off the realty site. I'll be sure to post the "after" shots as I get things fixed-up.

Guess what, kids? I got a call from the realtor this morning telling me that the loan went through and I got the house. Now I can get excited for real. YYYYEEEEAAAA! I'm so happy. I have a ton of work to do before November 19th, which is my closing date. Mainly, I have to sublet my apartment. I have no idea how tough that will be in the middle of the academic year in a college town, but I plan to be very diligent about that too. I already found someone on Facebook who wants to look at it. Keep your fingers crossed.

Here is part of the living room. I'm planning on painting it a camel color. I'd love to get the floors done, but that will have to wait until I somehow magically get more money.

I'm also spending as many hours as possible cleaning, packing and getting rid of crap. I have a very high-tech system of piles: one for garbage, one for Goodwill and one for saving and packing. I'm in that bad place right now where a lot of things are ripped apart, and not many things are organized and packed. I hope to be in a much better place with it by the weekend.

Here is my soon to be kitchen. I'm going to replace the ugly faux wood counters with black lamanite and sand and paint the cupboards white. I think i'll go with a periwinkle for the wall paint.

I'm at that happy, newly homeownered stage, but quickly moving into the "holy shit, yo! I have so much crap to do, I can't even think about it" stage. Like I always say, I'm a slow and steady girl. I just have to keep trudging along and somehow it will all get done, right?

This the dormer or teen room that Stinky has had her eye on since I started looking at houses.

This was the first house I liked when I looked on-line and the first house I physically looked at when I went out with the realtors. I guess it was meant to be. It has two bedrooms downstairs in addition to the huge dormer room upstairs. (which I will turn into my painting studio once Stinky finally goes off to college) It only has one bathroom, and no basement, but it does have a crawl space. I really just need to know there is someplace safe to hide if there's a tornado. We'll have a big laundry room and an attached garage. I've never had a garage before. There's also a small screened-in porch in the backyard that I'm already calling my drankin' porch. Oh, and of course, there are a couple of garden plots. It's almost everything I asked for and only three blocks off of my running route. So, once again, YYYYYEEEEEAAAA!

All Your Compliments and Cutting Remarks, Are Captured Here in the Quotation Marks

The name of this band is The Old Man.

So, this weekend was kind of weird. On Friday night I started my hibernation. The plan was to just rest. I had my jammies on by 6 and settling in with my girls to watch Coraline in 3-D around 9'ish. We got about a half hour into it, when our power went out. We hadn't been paying attention. There was this crazy, nasty thunderstorm going on all around us, and we were totally oblivious. We started calling and texting people to find out if they had power, and if they did, was there a tornado warning. Everything outside suddenly got quiet and that's when Coadster freaked. She was sure we were getting hit with another tornado. Luckily, it was just a bad storm.

Then I got a blinding migraine to match the weather outside. We went around lighting candles. I found my meds and had to lie down for most of the evening. The girls read by flashlights and finally went to bed around midnight. Our electricity came back on about one in the morning.

Here is our friend who was drenched in sweat after playing in such a hot, hot room.

I woke up migraine free on Saturday. It was the first day of my list making. I got almost everything on the list done too. Good for me. We'll see how long it lasts. I ran, cleaned my house, took all my recycling in and did a few loads of laundry.

I had to hang out in the parking lot with all the smokers to escape the opressive heat of the building.

On Saturday night, I met my friend G. She had two guy friends back in town for an informal college reunion. They were pretty fun and goofy and went with us to see some live music. The band we went to see was great, but the venue where they played was unbearably hot. One of the bartenders said the air was on, but it was WAY warmer inside than outside. I decided to hang out in the parking lot and then we made a break for it after the first band finished playing.

Back in the cooler confines of the Dublin where all was rainbows and unicorns and happy dolphins.

The Dublin was so much cooler and pleasant. I spent a few hours talking about books and music and drinking cool refreshing beverages. It was perfect.

Today I followed the list for my second day of vacation. I ran, got things ready for Stinky to go to basketball camp, cleaned the inside and outside of my car and went grocery shopping. I love that Coadster still giggles when we sit in the car wash and are getting sprayed by the thing that comes over the roof.

We'll see how tomorrow goes as far as my list is concerned. I'm trying not to put too much pressure on it, so that I don't get disappointed. It does feel good to get most of it accomplished though.

My Mind Was Thugged, All Laced and Bugged

Here is a walkway that leads to the Piano Bar and then the alley.

Soooooo, here's the deal, Lucille. It is really late. The girls had their choir concert and then I had some bullshit I had to fume about and work on getting over, and now it's very, very late.

As I've already whined about, the last few weeks have been ridiculously hectic. I haven't had time to keep up with house cleaning, working out, eating right or my much needed alone time. In other words I'm not just whack, I'm out of whack. Hopefully, starting this week, everything will slow down and I can catch-up and get some kind of balance back. I'll let you know how that goes.

For tonight, I need to get to bed. Here's hoping your lives are all moving at a pace you can handle.

Feel No Sorrow, Feel No Shame, Come Tomorrow, Feel No Pain

Here is some steam clouding up an alley by where I work.

So, I was thinking I might talk about boys tonight. What do you think about that? I have to write to sort things out and try to make sense of them, but with guys, I could probably write all day and it wouldn't help. I have to try though, right?

I have two to discuss, so let's get started, shall we? Remember how I changed Mr Awesome's name to Mr. HitandRun a few posts back? Well, true to his name, he hit again while I was at the wedding. I checked my phone to make sure my girls hadn't tried to call, and there was a text from him. It was just a dorky photo of himself with a beer can balanced on his head. Of course, I was at the wedding he was supposed to be accompanying me to, and I figured it was his way of being sorry and making sure I hadn't written him off. We did a little superficial texting, making fun of the photo and I went on with my evening. By one in the morning, I was exhausted and started walking home, when my phone rang. It was Mr HitandRun. He asked me what I was doing and I explained to him that I was walking home from the wedding. He said, "Oh, yeah. Sorry about that." I called him Mr HitandRun and asked him why he did it. He reminded me that he never hit anything and then gave me some bullshit excuse about working and being a single dad. (huh, what's that like?)

I said, "Yeah, but it would take exactly five seconds to text me back and let me know whether you were going to show or not." He said he was sorry and that he was just lame that way. On the other hand, he was very appreciative that I was so good about answering his calls and texts. He told me he would make it up to me by coming to see me the following weekend. I told him that I'd be gone on my roadtrip then. He said he'd come and see me on my birthday next Wednesday then. My birthday was last Wednesday. I didn't correct him though, because I knew I wouldn't hear from him anyway, so why waste the energy on that conversation.

The good thing about him, is that he's very funny and even though he's eight years younger than I am, he gets all my pop culture references (and you all know how important that is to me). He even sang the "Yuck Mouth" song from the Public Service Announcement about remembering to brush your teeth. He also told me he was drawn to me and couldn't help himself from calling me even if I was married or had a boyfriend...So, for me all this means, is that he can be a fun friend who contacts me sporadically and I just have to ignore the parts where he pretends like it's going to be anything more than just that. We hung up and when I woke up, I saw that he had texted me at 6 am, asking if he could call me. Um, not at six am on a Sunday, he can't.

If things go the way they usually do with him, I should hear from him again out of the blue in about a month.

I was going to write something about my other monthly guy, The wedding date guy, but this is already too long, so I'll tackle that one tomorrow. Until then, I'll leave you with this photo of me looking like I'm picking my seat, but really I'm just trying to keep my dress from flying up and making me real popular, real fast. Yeah, I have everyone's best interests at heart.

Nothin' Is Really Wrong

Only in Iowa City do people use barns as places to store their paintings.

Hey, I figured I'd try to be a little more wholesome in this post after yesterday. I guess I am someone's mom after all. I should try to straighten up and fly right every once in a while, right?

Tonight I went to the very last activity of the school year for the girls. Stinky had her band concert and it was very long. I know you'll all be shocked that the percussion kids kept squirreling around and dropping their cymbals, as if the audience might forget what drummers were like in general and needed a refresher. With my ADD, I thought it was hilarious, but as I'm figuring out the older I get, not everyone shares my sense of humor. Whatever. Anyway, I went, I supported Stinky and now I've got a few months before we start all over again.

This long weekend, I got to spend some time with the girls. Since Coadster had her grueling show choir workshop, I didn't see her as much. I did go to the very rough performance for the parents to show us what they learned. Their choreographer, as you would expect, is very much a diva. Coadster loves him, but I think he'd start grating on my nerves in about a half hour of exposure.

Last night, Stinky got sad. I think it's hormones, because I remember Coadster going through that at 13 and 14, but it could be an extra special holiday version of the Sunday sads on Monday. She started crying and couldn't put a finger on why. She was supposed to be at her dad's, but there are times in a girl's life where she just needs her mom. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's being reassuring and helping someone when they're sad. We did a lot of lying around and watching movies and eating cupcakes, while I rubbed her back. That combination of comfort and escapism seems to work every time. She was a million times better after about an hour, but that didn't stop us from spending the rest of the night doing the same damn thing.

Who's Got the Funk, When You're Feeling Low Down?

Oh, look. It's another recycled picture. One of these days, I swear I'll get out and take some more.

So, I guess I'm just gonna go ahead and get a little more open than I should on here. You'd hate for me to practice any kind of discretion whatsoever on these here internets. I mean, it's not like just anyone can read this or anything, right?

What I'm trying to say, is that I went through a little funk this weekend. I used to have them a lot more when I was younger and fucked up and afraid to honestly look at my issues and work on shit, so they could get fixed. It's actually been a long time since I felt this kind of self-indulgently moody. It wasn't bad, it was more like this thing that would come at me in waves and sometimes kind of creep in and other times just blindside me. Basically, on Saturday I did some lying around and thinking too much about really stupid shit that, in the scheme of things, probably didn't matter or wasn't really going to ever happen. I woke up on Sunday morning kind of down and feeling sorry for myself, and then again, this afternoon, I relapsed into another bout of the wah-fucking-wahs.

It's been a while since I've felt this way, so it took some time to figure out what to do about it. I wish there was a way to put up barriers in the parts of your brain, where you shouldn't oughta enter. Instead, I did my lying around, I took copious naps, I ran, I ran some more, I distracted myself, and then just spent some time by myself so as not to infect anyone around me. I did bother my friend K. about it (who is a saint, by the way) and then when I got home, I had a voice mail from another friend of mine, who I didn't want to bother. I didn't call her back, but I did message her to let her know that I was too annoying to talk to and that she was totally welcome to thank me later for saving her from myself.

The thing about this funky stuff, is that if I could be logical, I'd see that there is very little basis for it. I have a halfway decent job, my daughters are amazing, I'm the luckiest girl ever in terms of friends, I can usually cover most of my bills and I've discovered the things I need to do for myself to make me happy, and I do them. The funk just makes me concentrate on the couple of things that aren't exactly what I want, or worry about stupid shit that might could happen in the future. It's such a self-indulgent way to look at my life. The kicker is, that when I'm in the funk, all that stupid shit seems so real.

It's Not a Joke, It's Cards on the Table Time

I wanted to see a picture of green grass. It hasn't snowed all winter and everything is so brown and boring right now.


Everyone is writing about resolutions, and lord knows, I want to do what all the cool kids are doing. So, I figured I'd at least address the idea of New Year's resolutions tonight.

I finally got around to taking the tree down today. I was going to do it yesterday when I had a whole day off, but I got so busy doing whatever the hell it was I did, and I never got around to it. I procrastinate - it's one of the things I do really well. It's also something about me that can drive certain people crazy. The thing is, for the most part, I'm okay with where I'm at with procrastination. I get the important things done, like paying bills and scheduling appointments (in general) now. So, if it takes me an extra day to get my Christmas tree down, I figure I probably needed some down time

In general, I don't make New Year's resolutions. I like to just try to work on the things that bother me about myself. I realize that there are plenty of things I don't work on, that annoy other people, but I could care less. I'm the only person who has to live inside my head, (and you can all count your blessings for that) so, I only work on the things that I find troubling about myself.

1.) I resolve not to work on my time management issues, because I finally have them where I can function and still dick around as much as I need to. (and yes, I need time to putz around at some point every day) I also resolve not to beat myself up for being messy. I'm not a tidy girl, and lucky for me, I'm not afraid of chaos. In fact, I could kick chaos' ass any day of the week.


2.) I will try to read more books this year. I sucked at that last year, because I was too busy obsessively reading blogs. Balance. Yes, balance, is what I'm working on this year.

3.) I want to get in shape and eat better this winter. I'm usually fine in the summer, but I'm notorious for growing an ample winter pelt and I'm getting tired of only being able to wear that one pair of fat girl jeans by February.

4.) I also want to at least get started on the painting I was supposed to have completed over a year and a half ago. Jaysus, but it's embarrassing to admit, that except for a few preliminary sketches, I haven't really done anything on it.

5.) Finally, I want to spaz less. When I think of all the energy I spend stressing out about stupid shit, it makes me dizzy, which in turn stresses me out even more. If I could have expended that energy for good instead of evil, I would probably have finished a few paintings and read fifty books in the last year alone.