Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Freakazoids...Robots...Please Report

Here's what our town will look like very, very soon. Even though right now, it doesn't feel like it will ever get warm enough for the leaves to come back again.

So, today at work we had this diversity workshop thing to go to. Normally, I do a lot of eye rolling when it comes to morale building or inter-personal relationship training. They are usually pretty lame-ass and I end up spending most of my time trying to sift through the corporate speak and hand clapping to figure out just exactly how they are trying to manipulate me. Today's workshop was actually okay, though. It was a group of four actors doing skits about dealing with diversity on the job and on campus.

At first sight, I thought the guy who wrote and ran it, was going to be one of those baby-boomer, fakely earnest, new-agey assholes, but he was actually pretty cool. He did go into his drug addiction and recovery for a minute, but, you know...We all have our shit. At least he was talking about it to give us some background, and not like he was saying, "Look at me. I'm a sole/soul survivor!" All in all, it held my interest and the message was good and not too preachy.

At the beginning of the workshop, the head guy asked us to turn to the person standing next to us and compliment them. Of course, I was standing next to my long-suffering cubicle neighbor, John. He really is such a good sport, but knowing that fact, just brings out the worst in me.

So, I turned to him and said, "Have I ever told you how pretty I've always thought you were?" It was awesome, because he never saw that one coming. I'm pretty sure he thought I was going to say something mean. He was speechless for a second, before he said,

"God, you're such a freak."

"So, was that my compliment from you?" I asked.

"Yeah. That's about all I can do right now."

"Actually, I'll take it... You're saying 'freak' like it's a good thing, right?"


Stepping Over the Junk said...

I think I would LOVE to have a cubicle next to you. You crack me up..."Pretty" would get someone smacked in some neighborhoods. I am laughing at this exchange with him "God, you're such a freak". I can't believe he said that to you! But you took it well. HA!

Margaret said...

those team building/morale workshops used to really piss me off! the very idea of bringing in some super-social mutant to teach me office manners, like 5 year old child!

glad you were able to take tose lemons and make lemonade

Margaret said...

tose lemons, i swear i'm not making fun of the deaf guy

Rachel said...

YOu only had to sit through a presentation?
We have a diversity department and have to deal with it at least once a month.

a said...

My six year old would agree you are a freak and freak is a good word (such as you shouldn't get a time out for saying your little brother is "such a freak or a freakin' mmmmm or just lame" lame is not a bad word either! well thats what he tells me... the good thing about those days - no real work and a chance to make fun of people.

Brando said...

Can't wait for the pleasant ghost town of summer. The air is less full of "like" and "dude." The streets drained of cars with Illinois plates. And the bars filled only with the jabber of true drunks.

Nice one on the "pretty" line.

fringes said...

Sounds like a lot of fun. I'm glad director dude kicked his addiction.

booda baby said...

You think those are the sorts of compliments they have in mind? I'd probably have to quit the job if someone gave me one of the real ones. Ick.

David in DC said...

You shoulda told the leader that rehab is for quitters.

OK, maybe not.

But back in the late 70's, when I was in high school, I proudly proclaimed that:

"Reality is a crutch for those weak individuals who cannot cope with drugs"

My plans for dealing with Monkeyboy in DC on this topic: sheer, rank hypocrisy.

I think the value of hypocrisy in parenting is highly underrated.

evil-e said...

You work at the same place I do, I think.
My company is always rolling in some new "motivational" or "nutritional" or some kind "-al" person. I think companies are either too dumb or too anally miopic to realize that the best motivation is not some speaker, but rather, good old American currency.

I also roll my eyes and nudge my neighbors at those things, they are usually cornier than the cereal with the rooster on the box.

Sarah said...

I wish we still worked together!!!

dmarks said...

Do you guys get tumbleweeds there in the "Ghost Town" in the summer?

Remiman said...

You my dear, are completely and totally priceless.

Churlita said...


I would probably get you in trouble at work.

I had it coming. I gave him shit first.


I totally made lemonade with tose lemons. Which is much better than toes lemons.


I think teaching tolerance is important. It's usually the other weird crap workshops where they try to categorize different employees so you can "mangage" (read: control) them better, that chap my hide.


Your six year old is always right, so don't even think of punishing him.


Amen to that.

I heard you got a new fun little toy. Are you feeling like a guitar hero right now?


Me too. He was actually a stand-up guy.

Booda BAby,

I don't think anyone who knew us, could expect any different than that from us. If we gave each other real compliments, we would be laughing for days.

David in DC,

I prefer to use my earlier drug use as a cautionary tale for my girls. Do you REALLY want to grow-up and turn out like me, girls? Yeah. I didn't think so.


Cash would be a BIG motivator for me...That and more vacation time.


Me too. I was just remembering that time when you and Bill M. Were at a party across the street from my house late at night and were singing Echo and the Bunnymen loudly in my direction. Remember how Coadster woke-up for no reason that night and I thought it was weird until you told me what happened? When will you and Bill come and serenade me again?


Even better. We don't have to walk carefully around dried puke on the sidewalks downtown for a few months.


Thanks. I'm sure many would beg to differ.