Tuesday, December 16, 2014

I Used to be Such a Sweet, Sweet Thing, 'Til They Got Hold of Me.

Me and the girls when Coadster had a hard time not loving the baby too hard.
So, it's the holiday season and for me that means the family conundrum. The great thing about this blog, is that hardly anyone reads it anymore, and I can say anything I want. The better thing about this blog, is that I don't think any of my family reads it, so I can vent about them here..

For those of you who don't already know, I had one of those Dickensian childhoods and after I was essentially an orphan, my aunt and uncle who were abusive took us in and made us their indentured servants and did everything they could to crush our self-esteem. For me, that lasted for 8 years. Once I was 18, I fled and for many years, didn't look back. By the time my girls were born, I thought I probably  needed to forgive and never forget, because that is stupid, but I didn't want to lay a bunch of crap on my girls and so I tried and went back for holidays and birthdays. It was okay, at first. My girls got to hang out with my cousins' kids and my sister and her kids and that was just fine.

The problem is, my aunt and uncle are in total denial of how abusive they were and are still not all that pleasant, but they aren't allowed to threaten me, call me names, hit me or make me work around their acreage every second that I'm not in school or asleep anymore. During the holidays, my aunt would still get in her dark and stormy moods and stress everyone out and then a few years ago, she said something really hurtful to my youngest daughter. That was pretty much it for me. If they couldn't be nice, why did we go out of our way to travel to their house and spend our time there? Also, if I didn't stick up for my daughter and protect her from mean people, she would end up with the same self-esteem issues I had, and there was no way in hell I wanted that. So, we don't go anymore and now I actually look forward to the holidays. My girls are old enough to decide for themselves if they want to make the drive there and my oldest daughter was thinking about it for Thanksgiving, but something else came up. Let's hear it for being old enough to know what I don't want to put up with and not wasting my time!

Of course, it's a little trickier with my brother's wife. She has many of the same issues my aunt has, just not in the same degree. She doesn't get me or like me and I clearly don't understand her. Lately, she has been leaving disparaging comments about me on my FB posts. It's kind of bizarre. Who hasn't wanted to comment to something you thought was lame on FB. Hell, I can look at half of my S-I-L's posts and roll my eyes too, but then I just ignore them. I don't write hurtful, judgmental things and embarrass her in front of her other friends, because what's the point of creating all that drama and negative energy? At first, I just deleted the whole post, the next time I ignored it, but yesterday, I actually responded and my sister responded and John responded and I hope that keeps her from doing it again. JAYSUS!

Let's hear it for Churlita! Fighting bullies on-line and off. Now, I finally stuck up for myself and am feeling strong and in a better place to wish peace on earth and all that other crap to you all.


rel said...

You are amazing. It's good that you've learned to disengage from the drama. I've been lucky on that front until just recently; issues between my wife and one of her sisters. But like you, I try to put things in perspective and disengage.
I have the same feelings about the blog; with fewer and fewer visits, I often think it safe to open up and write may controversial thoughts. But I'm sure that the moment I do someone will read it and take me to task for it. That actually happened a short time ago. I'd relate it to you but in the spirit of disengagement I deleted the negative coment.
Sign me: Hardly anyone. :-)

Churlita said...

Good job, Rel! Happy holidays!

NoRegrets said...

Peace on that damn earth! Good for you. So damn healthy.