Saturday, December 01, 2007

I'm Tryin', I'm Tryin', I'm Tryin' and I'll Try

After a week, my memory of the boy is getting a little hazy.

Sooo, I'll just tell it like it is. Mr. Awesome never called me. Like I said before, I'm not all that surprised. I knew he had way too much going on already. He's got full custody of his son and he works two jobs on top of that. I have a feeling it was one of those things where last Saturday, when his boy was at his mom's house and he'd had a few drinks, it all seemed doable, but by the next day when he was probably a little hung-over, picking-up his son and eating that cold, hard reality sandwich, it didn't. I totally understand it, I have that same dilemma with dating too. It would be great, but it takes a lot of time and effort, and then even after you work so hard at it, sometimes it doesn't work out and blah and blah and blah. It's hard to know if it's really going to be worth it in the end.

I would like to believe at some point I'll meet someone and it will be worth it, but there seems to be a lot of sifting and sorting required to get there. You know? I've had a lot of people tell me that once I stop looking, then I'll meet my guy. I'm here to tell you, that it's a total load of crap. I gave up and then went four years without dating. I only picked it up again when I decided to give it another shot and actually made an effort.

My first time back in the ring wasn't all that great of an experience. So, all I can do is try to learn from that. And what I learned is not to push it. If someone tells me or shows me that they may not want the same things I want, I need to drop it - even if they ask me to be patient and wait for them to get there. The reality is, that a person either wants you and is willing to work on shit, or he/she doesn't.

Some people had advised me to call Mr Awesome. I have his number, because he called me on Saturday night the minute I got into my car to leave and then again an hour down the road on my way home. But I'm taking my knowledge from this Summer and putting it to use. If he was interested and wanted to work on things, he'd call me and get it going. Since it's been a week, and according to whatever K. looked-up on the web, (an invaluable source of information about relationships and emotions) that means he'll probably never call, I'm letting it go.

At this point, I just have to look at it as a positive thing. During those four years that I didn't date, it wasn't like I never got hit on or asked out, or whatever. It was more that I couldn't find a guy I was interested in and I wasn't willing to settle. Some of the guys I met, had a few things I liked, but then about fifty other red flags and a lot of them were like this other guy I met recently here in Iowa City. The first thing he told me was that he considered himself an intellectual (gross) and then he said he was an alcoholic (strike two) and finally he admitted that he had a trust fund. So, basically he could have been a little more efficient with his words by just approaching me and saying, "Hi. I'm an Iowa City cliche'" and I would have just assumed all the rest.

As I mentioned in my first post about him, Mr. Awesome was the first guy I had met in many, many years who met all the important criteria for me - he was open, and funny as hell and not afraid to admit he had feelings and of course, he was also really sexy. He kept asking me, "How could I have lived my whole life and not met you?" and he was like that for me too. So, I guess now I don't have to find out all the things that wouldn't have worked between us. He'll always be Mr. Awesome for me. And I still remain hopeful that there's at least one other guy just like Mr. Awesome, who will actually call me when I give him my number.


The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Meeting this guy sounds like a step in the right direction and at least you know that it's possible to meet Mr. In the Right Ballpark. You've got a good attitude about it.

Chance said...

Aw. It probably is that he just lives too far away. But he must be stupid or something, 'cause he ought to try to make it work. You're worth it!

Mr Atrocity said...

Oh, I'm really sorry that this didn't work out but I'm incredibly impressed by how you can deal with it all so sensibly. On the plus side at least you know that there are men you like out there so you're not living in a fantasy land. Keep fighting the power, sister.

Have a great rest of the weekend if you can.

evil-e said...

Just keep the make out mission going. You might not find Mr Right, but making out is fun and healthy.

I did not really date for a few yaers after the princess was jettisoned. I went on my own make out mission and was happier for it. Renee was a lucky find for me, she met most of my search parameters and she made out well!!

Tara said...

I've heard that "stop looking and they'll come to you" line too. I just don't go out to many places where meeting up with a guy is gonna happen. I like signing up for classes partly because I just might meet an interesting guy. But my thing is that I expect it to happen right away, which it never does. But I know that someday it will.

DJSassafrass said...

You know sometimes I think it's better to just have met someone that makes you realize that you are excited about meeting someone again...does that make sense. I mean, here you get to have all the fun crush-y feelings without the reality of him turning out to be not awesome.
One way to look at it I guess and yes, after a week...forget it. Personally, I used to get very annoyed with guys who called after more than a week..."uh, who are you again." If they need to fit some social norm and not call for a week or more, they are not the guy I want to be hanging with!

Margaret said...

not calling yet makes mr. awesome into mr. less-than-awesome, but in keeping with my life-long need for false hope, he may be waiting to call till he can ask you out again and if he was out last weekend, most-likely he had his son this weekend.... if his ex normally has 1st and 3rd weekends, this qualified as the 5th weekend

MrManuel said...

Aww, sorry to hear that. I had high hopes!

Churlita said...


Thanks. I'm just happy that I finally met a guy I'd actually want to date.


Thanks. Who knows why he didn't. I guess all that really matters is that he didn't.

Mr Atrocity,

I probably am living in fantasy land anyway, but at least it's based a little on something real, right?


Yeah, making out was awesome. It was a really great night and I don't want to let the fact that it won't go any further detract from that.


I don't get out much either unless I make myself. I never would have me Mr Awesome if I hadn't made myself leave my house that Saturday.


That makes total sense. I was seriously giving up before Mr Awesome, and now I'm thinking dating could be kind of cool with the right person.

Did guys call you after a week? What is that? Did they at least give you a decent excuse?


Nah. He has the boy the next two weeks and he usually works the weekends he doesn't have him. When we talked about going out, he said he'd find someone to watch his boy for the date. Hm, imagine a drunk guy saying something he didn't really mean...

Mr Manuel,

Me too. Whaddaya gonna do?

Not Fainthearted said...

I'm finding that adding kids/parenting time into the mix really is a wild card. On the one hand, you don't want a guy who would dump his kids or ignore them on a whim. On the other, it'd be nice to feel like you had some priority in his schedule. It's confusing.

I hate the fairy-tale thinking of "stop looking and it will come" maybe the truth is keep looking but don't care too much?

I dunno. Just know, I feel for you. It's disappointing.

fringes said...

I'm mad and sad at the same time. Another cliche: it's all gonna work out. You're too awesome for the next mr. awesome not to recognize that.

michelle said...

I'm sorry he didn't call. You are a very strong woman by not calling him yourself.

laura b. said...

I agree that just getting those good, hopeful feelings again is a positive.
This particular man has a lot on his plate, as do you...and tomorrow is another day. Who knows what it will bring?

Stepping Over the Junk said...

My take is, it's better to be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong. To be with someone who makes us feel like crap isnt worth the companionship or even the wish for them to change, I discovered. I'm sorry. Yeah, that is a load of crap, the whole "when you arent looking, he will arrive" thing.

AlienCG said...

When you least expect it, your phone will ring and it will be him. That's my prediction.

Churlita said...


With this guy, he seemed to recognize it, but like my friend K. said, he must have had to compartmentalize his life and it's hard to include everything.


I'm not expecting much, I'm just trying not to hole up in my place as much so I don't miss those opportunities.


If he was interested, he'd call. If I called him, I'm sure he wouldn't answer and then I'd just feel pathetic.


I'd be more than surprised if I ever heard from him again.


Oh yeah. I'm totally fine with being single. It would just be nice to find my guy, that's all.


Yeah. We'll see...

Brando said...

All I can say is that sucks.

NoRegrets said...

Why does he have to call you? Jeez. It's not the 1940's. You can call him - you're just afraid.
Sorry, I hardly know you and spouting off...

Churlita said...


Yeah. It is what it is.

No Regrets,

He has to call me, because that's what he said would work for him. By Thursday of last week, I actually broke-down and texted him. He never returned it, so I'm not going to beg him to contact me. I'm not that desperate. You're totally right in any other situation, though.

NoRegrets said...

OK, got it. Sorry if I missed that.

Emma said...

Mr. Awesome don't know what he's missin out on!!

yaj said...

nice pavement ref, Churlita!

Churlita said...

No regrets,

No prob.


I think he might. He just can't do it right now. I guess that's how it goes.


Thanks. I thought Pavement was kind of perfect for this post.