Your Sister's Def

Today was my sister Moira's birthday. The pictures above and on my sidebar, are both of her when she was a kid. I also posted that one of us together that I already put on my old blog. Sorry if you've already seen it but it cracks me up. If her husband reads this, I did try to call her, but the line was busy. Don't you people have call waiting?

I've decided to make a list of interactions between my sister and I from birth - the present.

1. I was born and for the next several years, my sister worked at getting me to join my brother on the dark side to do her evil work. My brother was better at it and didn't spaz quite as much. Together, they drew all over my oldest sister's doll when she refused to take them with her, threw the Hi Hi Cherry-O game across the room, losing many of it's pieces and sang the "Tararaboomdeeyay" song with to me with changed words, because it has my name in it and for some reason, "Tararaboomdeeyay. There is no school today. Your teacher passed away. I shot her yesterday", made me cry and chase after them.

2. When my sister was in second grade, someone called her a buck-toothed beaver and she cried all the way home from school. Because, in my family, shit rolled down hill, she then turned on me. She called me Dracula or vampire or Barnabas Collins, since I have extremely pointy eye teeth.

3. For many years, when we fought and I actually got a punch or two in, she would fake cry and fall to the floor. Every single time I would feel awful and say I was sorry and then she'd jump up and laugh at me for being such a big dumb sucker.

4. In junior high, Moira went over the make-out bases with me, so I wouldn't seem like such an idiot around my friends. Unfortunately, to this day, I still get confused about the difference between second and third base. Is second frenching and third getting felt-up? Or is second getting felt-up and third something more intense?

5, In high school my sister was my savior. I lived with my evil Aunt and Uncle, and Moira moved out during her senior year - the second she turned eighteen. She let me borrow clothes to wear to school because I only had one pair of gray, brushed cords, Levi's Movin'-On Jeans, and some track team related t-shirts. She was also the only one in my family to attend my cross-country or track meets. Best of all, I would tell my aunt I was going somewhere else, and then I'd sneak over to her rockin' college apartment after track practice and watch WKRP in Cincinnati with her and her friends.

6. When I was eighteen, my sister waited until right after she had her wisdom teeth pulled so her cheeks would be almost as chubby as mine, and got a fake ID made for me.

7. She drove me and my ex-husband from Phoenix to Iowa when we finally fled L.A. in 1988.

8. When Stinky had meningitis and was in the hospital for over a week, Moira came up on the weekend to give Coadster some attention. She took her ice skating, which Coadster really wanted to do, but then quickly realized that it didn't mesh with her overly-cautious sensibilities and she also bought her the movie Mulan.

9. She lent me money to cover the cabins the girls and I rented when we went to South Dakota for my fortieth birthday. I had to wait to pay her back until I got my check the next month, and even then, she wouldn't let me give her all that I had borrowed.

10. Just last week, she and her husband came to take me and the girls out to lunch because I was flat busted broke until February first. She then lent me more money to make sure I'd be okay with groceries and gas. This was even after I harrassed her three and half year old son during the entire meal.

I know nobody's keeping track or anything, but I do believe I'm extremely indebted to a certain buck-toothed beaver.

Here we are in 1970. Apparently, it was the style back then to wear dresses so short, they came dangerously close to exposing your girl parts.