Thursday, January 25, 2007

Those Who Came Before Me, Lived Through Their Vocations

Here is a picture of a windmill. I happen to really like windmills, almost as much as I like fire escapes.

The woman who sits in the cubicle next to me at work is really great. She almost makes up for some of the less desirables in my office. She used to be a nun, and left the church for reasons she has never disclosed. She still goes to Abbeys in the area and keeps up with sisters in her old order. At work, when I get bored, I do things, like remind her to make a wish at 11:11 o'clock and ask her all kinds of annoying questions. She is an amazingly patient woman who deserves to be cannonized after sitting next to me for so long. Here's an example of why:

Me: Hey, if you could get off work at noon today, how would you spend the rest of the day?

Her: I'd probably drive to the Abbey and spend the rest of the day there.

Me: So, when you were Christ's bride, did he ever leave his socks all over the house for you to pick up?

Her: (humoring me) I've never seen him wear socks, have you?

Me: No. I guess he's always barefoot or wearing sandals. Did you and the other nuns ever get jealous of each other? You know, like in The Bachelor or Flavor of Love where all those women are always fighting and calling each other names?

Her: I don't know what you're talking about. Are those TV shows or something? And no, we didn't fight. We all knew what we were getting into.

Me: What was the divorce settlement like when you left? I'm assuming you didn't get to keep the house, but did you get some kind of alimony?

Her: No. And I had to buy a whole new wardrobe. I should have shelled-out for a better lawyer.

Me: Could you ever see yourself and Jesus getting back together? Like, if he started coming by and bringing you flowers and taking you out on real dates again?

Her: I would actually love to be a nun again, but they don't accept any after a certain age anymore. You know, I think I'm done with the question and answer portion of the workday. You'll have to wait until tomorrow to ask me more ridiculous questions.

Me: Oh, sorry. I'll just sit here quietly and work on some new ones for tomorrow.

Apparently, even saints have their limits.


Lynnster said...

OMG... I love her answers!!!! Those are a riot!

Remiman said...

So sister, If God is all powerful, could he make a rock so heavy that even he couldn't pick it up?


Killer said...

ooooo, you HAVE to find out why she left. Maybe she killed another nun while imitating some wrestling moves. I could go on forever in my mind with these scenarios.

Margaret said...

sounds like you hit a sore spot with her wanting to get back together and him saying she's too old... what is it with men and younger women?

Matt said...

You sound like you're trying to be one of the rebel angels antagonizing a poor sister like that. Actually it's pretty funny.

My parents thought it would be a good 'attitude adjustment' if I went to a small Catholic school in Keota Iowa. It actually changed my life radically for the better.

The Sisters there were all retired and helped with study halls and stuff. We had one very nice Sister that was pretty well deaf. She loved to read so as long as she was reading during our study hall we were talking. It was a nice break to the day.

fringes said...

Toooooo funny. I'd love an ex-nun co-worker. Who brings kolaches.

Churlita said...


Yeah, she has a great sense of humor. And some amazing stories about being at the Catholic Worker houses on a reservation in Nebraska.


I'll ask her that one today for sure. We'll see what she says.


I am cracking up right now, trying to imagine her wrestling another nun. Are they in full habit too?


Why didn't I think of that. It's perfect. I hate it that you're always more clever than I am.


Maybe she's like Job and I am here to test her faith and her sanity.

My mom went to catholic school even through college. she had all kinds of scary old school nun stories. When I ask my co-worker about those kinds of nuns, she says, "There were a lot nuns who shouldn't have been allowed to teach." I'm glad your nuns were better.


I'll ask her today if she can bring kolaches. I would like her even better if she'd do that.

Brando said...

Does she still carry a ruler to discipline unruly children?

Seriously funny post.

Steven Novak said...

Jesus brought me flowers once...they were the cheap...

I would have expected that Jesus could have afforded roses. ;)


EEK said...

That made me laugh. My aunt is an ex-nun, and I'm a little bit obsessed with her too. It adds a sort of mystique to a person's character.

EEK said...

Oh yeah. The reason my Aunt left the convent was to marry my Uncle Ernie.

She ditched Jesus for a guy named Ernie.

Churlita said...


We threaten to tell on people in the office all the time, so she can whack them with her ruler. It's never not funny.


Jesus gave all his money to the poor, so he can't afford to buy you nice flowers. Maybe you're just too materialistic for him.


I am really intrigued by nuns and masons. I love secret societies. That is so Thornbirds about your aunt. No offense to your aunt, but Ernie is about the least sexy name I've ever heard.

broinlaw said...

"Ernie is about the least sexy name I've ever heard."

Ernie is sexy as hell compared to "Chester"....
Good day, Guv'nuh!

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

She left the Convent because God doesn't allow His servants to have MySpace accounts.

Churlita said...


Chester always reminds me of Chester the molester and I get creeped right out. (shudder, shudder)

Lightning Bug's Butt,

Or should I call you Mr. Butt?

It wasn't just the account, it was the pictures she put on it that forced the divorce. Have you seen her top 8? Well, you don't want to, believe me.