Tuesday, November 11, 2008

I Was Working as a Waitress in a Cocktail Bar

Here is my friend Jeff's profile picture on Facebook. It could possibly be the best profile pic ever.

Tonight I'm going to start this new thing. Who knows if I'll ever finish it, but I like to at least start things. So, I'm still obsessing over Facebook. If you'd like to tell me I need a life, you'll have to get in line, and believe me, it's longer than you can imagine. The thing that's so crazy about Facebook, is how many people from almost every part of my past are on it. I told my friend K. she should get on it, and then a friend of hers from high school emailed her about it, and once she did, she realized they had a whole group just for people from her high school class.

So, the thing. Remember I said I was going to start a thing? Okay, what I really want to do, is write little notes to each of these people (some I haven't spoken to in well over twenty years) and tell them the things I remember about them, or miss about them or the thing I got from them that really made a difference in my life. Yes, I know. Actually doing that, would be weird and possibly creepy. So, I decided to take a person here or there and write all those things about them here on my blog, where they probably won't ever see it. Is it still weird and creepy? Yes, but hopefully they'll never find out.

The first one I'm going to write about is my friend Jeff. Ready?

Dear Jeff,

I can't remember the first time I met you. I knew your sister Tam and then when I moved back from California, we started hanging out and along with our friend Lia, were almost inseparable for a few years there. We had a class together, taught by the most boring man I've ever met. We were both at about the same spazzy, ADD levels, so we decided to take turns going to class and then sharing notes. Except, you never went, so I would go and share my notes with you and then you'd lame-out and finally, I just went all the time and gave you my notes. I couldn't even be annoyed with you.

Hey, remember that one time they had the Kurt Vonnegut hoax? I don't think he lived in town anymore, but he came back to visit a lot. Then there were suddenly fliers all over town that he was going to give a reading on the Pentacrest. We skipped our classes and hung around for a couple of hours, before we and however many other hundreds of people realized we had been duped and Kurt wasn't showing. We both appreciated the prank and you said next time you were going to do one, but you'd tell everyone that Judy Blume was going to read from Are You There God? It's Me Margaret instead. I told you I'd still skip classes for that and you told me I better.

You were also there the time I swallowed mace. Earlier in the day, my friend Mary Beth, showed me her key chain and asked me if I wanted some Binaca. Then later that night when we were really drunk at the Foxhead, I was thinking that I hadn't tried Binaca in a long time and sprayed what turned out to be mace directly into my mouth. Yeah. Tears instantly came out of every pore and orifice on my face. Craig was tending bar and there was a cute girl ahead of me, so I knew I was never going to get a glass of water from him. I went outside where it was 20 below zero, and you followed. You tried to act all concerned, but the second you saw that I was not only fine, but laughing through my tears, you said, "Oh thank god. Because I didn't want you to see me laughing my ass off if you were really hurt." I was fine 10 minutes later and then someone drove us to Donutland in Coralville where you continued to tease me about it for the rest of the night while we ate chocolate fudge donuts.

We both graduated in December of 1990. I think you, and Mary Beth Eastwood and I were all putting our English BA's to good use slinging coffee for minimum wage. At that point, we lived across the street from each other and you and Mary Beth used to come over in the afternoon and lament our joblessness together. We used to sing "Don't You Want Me" to our potential employers at the top of our lungs on my back steps.

The last time I saw you, was when you came to town shortly after I split from my husband. I told you why, and you said, "I knew it had to be something bad. You usually put up with more shit than anyone I know." I'm sure it was true. My girls were three and five, and you had never met them before. You got them so spazzed and riled up, I didn't think I'd ever get them to sleep after your visit.

When your sister came to town a few years ago, she talked me into riding the last day of RAGBRAI with her. You just wrote on my wall and told me you were coming to visit me next Summer. I can't wait to see what kind of crazy, spastic shit you'll get me and my daughters into then.




Remiman said...

What a neat idea!
I'm going to start a memoir about being a veteran of the vietnam war. Not sure if I'll start a new blog for it or put it under the microscope. We'll see.

Tara said...

Now those are some funny memories - that is definitely a good idea to write about your friends like that! They'll really appreciate it, I'm 100% sure without even knowing your friends.

I would've loved to go to a Judy Blume reading of "Are You There God".

Susan said...

This is really interesting. Just so you know, there's this blog feature on facebook where there's actually kind of a chain thing where it goes along the lines of "What's your favorite memory of me? Post it on my wall and I'll return the favor."

I couldn't believe the memories people I barely recall from high school had of me.

p.s. I'm addicted to the "Flair" application on Facebook. Be glad you don't have me on there or you'd have a billion buttons sent your way.

Cricket said...

I'm a Facebook Newbie, just joined last week. Cannot believe the people I have reconnected with and the silly little things they remember about me. It has me all warm and fuzzy, b/c my memories of college weren't good. They've reminded me of how many good times there were.

Mace? Sheesh. You're lucky to have vocal chords anymore!

Poptart said...

You know - I think you should tell people! A childhood classmate that Facebook friended me recently said that I was the first person he met when he moved to town and I showed him around our junior high. I have completely forgotten that but he remembered - and that was so nice that he remembered that!

dmarks said...

"I was thinking that I hadn't tried Binaca in a long time and sprayed what turned out to be mace directly into my mouth."

At least it wasn't Bianca you tried by mistake. I'm not sure she would have forgiven you.

A said...

Recently I had 8 emails asking me to be friends or be somehow connected to Facebook - they all came at the same time and from my family and extended family. I deleted them.
Still a facebook virgin.
A in TX of course.

Churlita said...


I can't wait to read that. Wherever you post it.


Yeah, except they're kind of long to send as a message, you know?


Don't worry. I have a couple of friends on Facebook who send my that kind of stuff a hundred times a day.


It is interesting to see what people remember about you or experiences you share. Sometimes I wonder, "Was I there?"


That's cool ,and so much better than my, Hey, remember when we were twenty and we said all that stupid stuff when we were tripping?


I could say something really crude here, but I'm trying to suppress it.


Come on. All the cool kids are doing it. If you don't, you won't have any virtual friends.... Just kidding. If you ever do get on, you better let me know.

movin' down the road said...

That's awesome. and hilarious. Interestingly, I got a message on facebook (come find me there!) from a guy from highschool. He was a total nut, but really nice. He sent a message to a bunch of us and asked what one thing stands out in our minds in remembering him from 1990. It was pretty cool. Then he responded to each of us about what he remembers. He said I was the only pretty girl that was nice to him. Heh.

Chance said...

That is the most awesome Facebook profile picture ever.

There's an error in your post, though.

"Okay, what I really want to do, is write XlittleX incredibly long and almost stalkerish notes to each of these people"

Fixed that for ya.

laura b. said...

I like that Jeff guy! He sounds awesome.
Personally, I'd be entirely stoked if someone wrote a whole blog post about fun memories that involved me, me, me.

Churlita said...


That is cool. It's good that you were nice to him too.


Thanks. That was exactly what I meant to say.


He's great. Yeah, but some people get weird about that kind of stuff. I'm sure Jeff would be fine with it, I just don't know about some of the others I'm going to write these to on my blog.

NoRegrets said...

it is a good idea. and it's neat to get pieces of your past this way