Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Where the Kisses Are Hers and Hers and His

Hey, remember how I promised you I'd take a photo of the rubberband ball I've been working on? Well, here it is. It's WAY more impressive in person.

Today was birthday day for a few different people I know. It's also the reason I'm going to make another HUGE drunk girl disclaimer. Judging from my behavior earlier this evening, everything I say can and will be annoying. Consider yourself warned.

My co-worker John turned 13 years older than me today. His special day made him hyper and even harder to take than usual. I know I've already told you that I walk a mile to work and when it's seventy degrees and sunny I have a hard time looking very glamorous, but when it's cold, I'm kind of laughable. So, today it was probably 102 degrees below zero in the morning. I was wearing several layers and a hat and my big puffy coat - the one that my girls tell me makes me look like a gigantic purple marshmallow. Well, when I wear the hood up on that jacket along with my hat, I look more than a little bit on the "challenged" side. When I got to work, John's wife was dropping him off and he had the gall to stand in front of me and laugh at my dork-assedness (another imaginary word brought to you compliments of drunken Churly). So, I did what every self-respecting girl would do, I flipped him the bird with both hands. Of course, I was wearing mittens so it was kind of dumb, but John knows me well enough to know exactly what was going on under the fabric.

Tonight I met some friends at George's for my friend K.'s birthday. Among other things, we had an enlightened conversation about which chicks in what seventies TV shows were hot. I used to date a guy who thought Joyce DeWitt from Three's Company was hot. The guys at my table definitely begged to differ. Then somehow we got on the subject of whether Whoopi Goldberg was attractive and there was a little discussion between one of the guys and one of the women about if Whoopi sucked or not. I offered up my usual suggestion - that they take off their shirts and wrestle over it, but they weren't into it. Damn.

Okay, kids. I think that's quite enough bullshit for one post. Come back tomorrow when I'll dispense a ton more.


The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

So round, so firm, so fully packed. That's one impressive ball madam.

evil-e said...

That is quite the projectile..suitable for causing much damage to co-workers.

Whoopi Goldberg is not attractive at all in my eyes, she kind of reminds me of the Predator. I personally think she sucks..just about everything she has done does.

Remiman said...

Ya gotta love John!
Joyce....Yeah ;)

Mrs. Big Hairy Woman said...

That rubber band ball is quite impessive...stoopid co-workers... Next time just flash him...that might shut him up... post a pic of you in this challenging jacket...

michelle said...

I need one of those on my desk. Right now I have a plastic ball thing that changes colour when you throw it. It's great stress relief but I'm sure the rubber ball band would be better. Is your friend called John Joyce?? John Joyce, the Irish writer, doesn't punctuate and so you have to be almost dyslexic to read his work. Hopefully your John Joyce is not dyslexic.

Margaret said...

if your co-worker john wasn't SO much older than you, that rubber-band ball could really inflict damage when thrown at him

Tara said...

That rubberband ball is very admirable. And thank you, because I have the "Three's Company" song in my head now.

fringes said...

Maybe place a nickel in the picture next to the rubber band ball for perspective. Or John's head. Whichever.

DJSassafrass said...

Did you know of my OBSESSION with Three's Company? No...really. My bro bought me the first 3 seasons on DVD a couple years ago. They reamin in cellophane as I rarely think to watch DVDs. I cried when John Ritter died.

NoRegrets said...

I love your usual suggestion!

laura b. said...

A rubberband ball, Joyce D., Whoopie G., puffy jackets, and topless wrestling, and so much more all in one post. The mind boggles! I'd say we got our money's worth with this one!

Matt said...

This post is going to be nominated for ADD post of the year. If you had just ended it with, "...heh look at the chick". You would have cinched it.

Anonymous said...

LOL, I would LOVE to see you as "special" puffy purple marshmallow. I'll beat Scotty to it - 'please post pic!'

MrManuel said...

Rubber band balls are the best. A few years ago, my wife and I made one. It got so big rubber bands no longer fit around it. It rocked~

LA said...

That convo at Georges sounds pretty must awesome.
Did anyone puke under the table?

Dagromm said...

I've always wanted to make a rubber band ball. I don't know why, but there's something about it. Like I'm building a rocket to the moon except it would be a lot less work. I think.

I wonder how many rubber bands I can snag at work?

Churlita said...


Thanks. It sounds so awesomely dirty when you say it.


You and my friend J could totally hang out together.


I do love John, but not Joyce D. so much.


I want to shut him up, not traumatize him for life.


My co-worker JOhn Joyce is neither Irish or dyslexic, He is a spaz, however.


He's so scared of the rubberband ball that all I have to do is bounce it on my desk and that sound stops him in his tracks.


Putting bad songs in people's heads is what I'm here for.


You're a genius.


I did know that. That guy I used to date told me about it after he told me he thought Joyce DeWitt was hott.


I do too.


As long as blogs remain free, you will always get your money's worth here.


I know, right? If you thought I had ADD when I was sober, don't even talk to me when I'm drunk.


I'll think about it. Again, I don't want anyone charging me for therapy for having to view that image.


I'm so jealous.


God. I remember that time you tried to fix me up with the guy who puked under the table at Georges.That still cracks me up.


let me know. I have tons more. I'd be happy to send them to you to help you with your project.