Thursday, January 17, 2008

I Was Feeling Something Wasn't Right

Here is a picture of the sun coming up the morning after that ice storm.

Okay, kids. Tomorrow is the big day of Erik's visit and I am so close to being ready. I have the groceries bought, the soup is made and I'm almost done with the cleaning. So, instead of me obsessing about the impending visit and getting even more excited, I thought I'd tell you a scary little story.

Where I work, we open a lot of mail from all over the world. And in that process we have come across many different and interesting things. Usually, it's the normal supporting documents students send for their applications all written up on odd sized paper and stuck together with crazy overly aggressive adhesive or pins or all kinds of other crap. I swear that printing things on gigantic pieces of paper that refuse to fit in American file folders is how many countries try to get back at the US for accidentally bombing their embassies - they'll slowly drive us all mad with their ill-fitting documents.

The worst part is finding a piece of hair along with the pieces of paper. One time my co-worker John opened an envelope from India and tiny bugs came flying out of it. We were all a little creeped out waiting for them to attack, but they just swarmed one area of the cubicle until they were killed. Today, though? Today John found a fingernail in one of the envelopes. Ewww. He was super grossed out and I had a lot of fun trying to be even grosser (more gross?) and I made up songs about his new foreign fingernail and of course, it was totally fucking adorable when I was teasing him about it. The bad part, was that during lunch, I walked downtown to the library to return a book, and when I came back to my desk, the international nail was set in the very center of my desk chair. Ewwww, again. It was so much more annoying when the people in my office were trying to gross me out. I grabbed a paper towel in order to remove the offending item from my chair, but I couldn't get one person to admit to having defiled my cubicle with it. The ex-nun wouldn't tell me either - even after I called her Sister Christian. So, I'll have to go back to the office tomorrow and make sure to keep my back to the wall. Apparently, I can't trust anyone at work.

18 comments:

Mr Atrocity said...

I'll have you know that the A series of paper sizes have their proportion determined by the so called "silver ratio" and are therefore really lovely, and provably so mathematically. So there.

Have a fabulous weekend with your young man.

Chance said...

Ok, that is nasty. Also, here's hoping none of those envelopes has some bizarre third-world virus in it that will kill all Iowa in days.

Killer said...

I hear in some of those distant lands they seal their envelopes with their own boogers.

Think about the next time you have to open one

Margaret said...

did you see the guy on AI with the bag of his own nail clippings?

Tara said...

All I can say is ewww to the zillionth power. Not sure what's worse - random hair in postage, bugs, or an international fingernail of mystery.

NoRegrets said...

Oh, poor you... Sucks getting it back. :-) Sister Christian! That's great! There's a reason she's an ex-nun, remember that. :-)

dmarks said...

At least it wasn't a toe.

jeci said...

Ewwwww. I'd take the bugs any day over a FINGERNAIL! Gah! (This one time? When we were kids? We went for pizza at the local, dingy pizza joint? And there was a TOENAIL on my brother's piece. A big, yellowish TOENAIL. Aggggghhhh!)

laura b. said...

They deFILED your cube with a fingernail! hahaha!
I have found that library books are a favorite depository for boogers.

fringes said...

So are you getting picked up from work today?

emmaenlighted said...

hahaha! A surprise in every envelope!

The ex-nun? There's an ex-nun? I'm curious because I was taught by nuns for 8 years of my education...what's her story??

DJSassafrass said...

MOTORIN!!! Now Night Ranger will be in my head...not a bad way to spend my Friday afternoon.

Remiman said...

Churlita,
Was the finger nail from the right or left hand?
rel

evil-e said...

They nailed it when it comes to a good retaliation...no pun intended of course. Guess thats what happens when you make up a cute little song about something. Funny.

minijonb said...

if i don't get accepted to my grad school of choice, i know it will be because i forgot to include a fingernail.

liz said...

Gross- and hilarious. Who THINKS to mail someone a fingernail? I mean, it couldn't have been done on purpose, but neither could it have been done on accident. I'm intriged!

Look at his application again and see what stats you can reveal. I'll bet he's 47 and has never not lived with his aunt.

TLB said...

Ewwwwwww.

I used to get that weird oversized (and extremely thin, usually) paper when I worked in publishing in the form of submissions.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

When I worked with all men at the construction company they thought it was a hoot to leave presents for me in my top desk drawer - the worst ones were a mouse skeleton and a moustache hair on my blistex (not sure that was intentional).