There Ain't No Tellin' Who You Might Meet

Hey, check this out. Mr. Atrocity of Renaissance Monkey reworked my cartoony photo and made it very, as he says, "A Scanner Darkly". It is so much more comic booky than it was before. When it comes to photos of myself, as far as I'm concerned, the more cartooned-up, the better. Mr. Atrocity has also worked on the special effects of some of my favorite movies, so that just makes it even cooler.

Now, for the post:

It's weird how going to the ER last Friday made me a little nostalgic about working in the health care industry. There are parts about it that I really miss. Yes, at my current job, I get paid a lot more money to sit on my ass all day and not expose myself to bloodborne pathogens, but it is also so boring that I can feel a little bit more of my soul disintegrate inside my cubicle everyday.

At least when I worked at the clinic, I felt like I was helping people. I put so many scary patients on birth control that I think you all owe me money. At my job now, the only thing I really do is make it possible for more overly entitled rich kids from the Northshore Chicago Suburbs to come to town in really expensive SUV's and pee right in front of me downtown on football weekends. Okay, now I owe all of you some cash.

At my old job, I got to ask people totally inappropriate questions and not only did they answer them, they also told me way more than I ever wanted to know. It's always fun to be able to ask a complete stranger how many sexual partners they've had or how many times they were pregnant or if they were feeling any itching or burning at that moment. These are things you'd get slapped for asking some schmo on the street.

At the clinic, I had the feeling that I was on the cutting edge of information and technology. We got to play around with colposcopes and cystoscopes and any kind of Tischlers you would want to try. I also got to teach med students all of these technologies and watch them be all cocky at first because I was a lowly nursing assistant, but then kiss my ass after I taught them how not to put their grubby paws all over the sterile field. At my current job, I talk to people on the phone and tell them they need to order supporting documentation. Yawn.

It was also the best freak watching I've ever experienced. Since it was a state hospital, we saw every homeless, crazy or special case from here to Chicago. I felt so at home there. I even assisted with a woman who was there for a liver transplant and was completely yellow - her eyes, her skin, and even her hair. It was so eerie. It's not like there aren't any freaks at my current job, it's just that they're the same crazies I see everyday, and I seem to need a little variety with my nutjobs.

The weird thing is, I didn't realize how much I missed it, until I heard the med student walk into the room of the guy who had been retching violently and ask if she could feel his stomach. See? That's another thing you can't just go ask someone on the street without getting jacked. Sigh.