Tuesday, December 19, 2006

You Will Be Saved at Any Cost

Here is a picture of my mom during WW II.

I thought I'd try to do things a little differently than last night - I was thinking I might actually work on making sense today. I've been feeling a little better about the holidays for several reasons, and since I'm working on my organizational skills, I figured I'd start by composing a list of all the things that are making me feel more festive:

1.) I finally did some Christmas shopping this weekend. I've been waiting to see if I would somehow come across more money, and since I didn't stumble over a wayward trust fund in the last week, I had to go to the mall with what I had. Hopefully, I'll be completely done by tomorrow evening.

2.) I'm still mixing my cheesy holiday fare with rock and PBR. On Friday night I went to see my friend's band play. Before I got a migraine and had to leave early, I had a really good time talking about such wholesome things as stray pubic hairs showing up in restaurants, and how people snot all over the fish in Alaska because it's cold when they're cleaning it and maybe it's not all sea water that makes fish salty.

3.) I went to some family oriented holiday parties on Saturday night. At the first one, Stinky's friend's mom got drunk and started dancing with anyone she could find. Needless to say, her daughter was horrified. At the second one, we were all laughing about how my neighbor called one of her daughter's friend's a smart-ass. For once in my life, I wasn't the most inappropriate or embarrassing parent in town.

4.) I have awesome friends. On Monday night I went out with some of my girlfriends to celebrate Ondine's triumphant two week return. When we ran into Mr Rejectorman, Ondine said, "I never liked him."

My friend T. said, "Oh, I was thinking he was someone completely different. That guy is all wrong for you. He looks like he's sixty years old." It's so nice to know my girls have my back.

5.) Stinky has been kissing my ass all over the place since our Sunday afternoon drama. Sometimes it's reassuring to see that my thirteen year old actually does have a conscience.

6.) The end is neigh. For the last month or so, I have been so busy that I couldn't imagine things ever slowing down. But that should happen after Thursday evening. First we'll all pile in the car and use up some unreneweable resources to drive around and look at other people wasting precious energy to light their neighborhood with Christmas joy. I feel so American when we do that, because here in this country, we like to celebrate our holidays by consuming as much as possible. Starting Friday, I should be able to relax for maybe even an entire week.

7.) I have a few days left to scan many, many old photos. I'm kind of excited to have them all in my bank. It's been a really fun project while it lasted.

8.) I've been hearing Christmas music done by more indie artists lately. Did you know that The Dandy Warhol's, Reverend Horton Heat, The Pogues and Tenacious D have all cut Christmas tracks? I keep waiting for Slayer to bless us with their Christmas contribution. I wonder which classic they would choose to make their stamp on? I was thinking they might do a kick-ass job of changing a certain classic to, "Let it Bleed, Let it Bleed, Let it Bleed".


Bice said...

Ha! "Let it Bleed!" That was hilarious! I'm howling here!

I'm waiting for the Iowa boys "Slipknot" to put out a Christmas CD. Or how about Gwar or Marilyn Manson?

Trevor Jackson said...

Will you settle for a Tuh-WISted Christmas? /devil horns, wagging tongue/

Just see if you can make it to the end of the song. I could barely make it to the beginning.

Also, #6 has opened my eyes. I never thought about the irony of using up a bunch of gas to check out people using a bunch of electricity. America, F*ck Yeah!

Ondine said...

I was over helping Masae and Harriet yesterday at their shop and that Pogues song came on, you know that duet about Christmas -- I can't remember the name of it -- from about 20 years ago... I swear, that one always makes me tear up.

booda baby said...

You could package those up and sell them to other people struggling with Christmas joy and happiness.

I drove my friends from Pygmy Love Circus down to a photo shoot or a recording session. I forget which. (wow. That hurt to get their name right; we called them Pygmy Lunch Bucket) - anyway, they were garage rock/grunge (WHATEVER. I can't tell one from the other). ANYWAY, while we were waiting, they started singing Christmas carols. OF COURSE, most of them had been in some version of some choir. Once. Beeeeeoootiful. Slayer might do a very nice Holly and the Ivy.

I like Holly and the Ivy.

loveyouintheface said...

I usually detest Sufjan Stevens and his oh-so-sensitive stylings he just put out a gorgeous Christmas album. There's a free download of one of the songs on iTunes today.

you know you've got good friends when they're ready and willing to trash either your ex or the dude who rejected you.

Churlita said...


maybe they could just put out a "Very Metal Christmas" album and get them all on it. Wow, what do you think Gwar would cover?

Trevor JAckson,

The shit that gets made and put on Utube astounds me. The web is indeed a wonderful and scary place.

There is something kind of quaint and American about how we like to appreciate resource depletion. Sure, I do it every year, but at lest I'm aware of it - which probably makes it worse.


I think the Pogues may have more than one Christmas song out. I've only heard little bits and pieces of their song(s) so I didn't get the full effect.

Booda Baby,

Can I buy me one of them Pygmy Lunch Buckets over on EBay?

Maybe Holly and Ivy could be Slayer's back-up singers.


I'll have to go on itunes and check it out.

My friends are really good at trashing exes and rejectors - that's why they're my friends.

Bice said...

>what do you think Gwar would cover?

It doesn't really matter. No one would understand it anyway.

michelle said...

I'm particularly fond of the Pogues' Christmas in New York and not only because they say arse and faggot either.

Churlita said...


You are right and that's why it would be funny.


Although, those are two good reasons to be particularly fond of a song.

Brando said...

I will never eat salmon again.

I think Slayer would do something original, like "It's Always Snowing (in the Eighth Circle of Hell)"

Metallica could do "For Whom the Silver Bells Toll."

Egan said...

I like number three the most. Yes, very sucky for the daughter.. yet highly amusing for those not related. Isn't this what the holiday season is all about?

Churlita said...


Talking to people who used to fish really makes you think, doesn't it?

I wouldn't be surprised it Metallica already had a Christmas song out. I like your pretend Slayer song title.


I'm always happy when someone is more embarrassing than me.

When I went to your blog today, I realized that you wrote about # 6 a little yourself.

Egan said...

Yes, you're right on the money about #6. We did waste some gas checking out people wasting energy resources. Remind me to watch the Al Gore movie when I get home. I bought and can't wait to watch it.

My next car will most certainly be a hybrid.

Churlita said...


I would love to own a hybrid too.

Egan said...

Take a Prius for a spin and you'll be hooked. They are quite spacious and the technology is awesome. I love what they do for me.

Churlita said...

I'm sure I'd love it too, but I'm so poor that test driving one would only make me sad. I walk to work and back and try to ride my bike everywhere else I go. I still have to drive to get my daughters from their various activities and to get groceries. I do what I can.