Wednesday, December 20, 2006

It's Okay, It's Alright, Nothing's Wrong

Today is the fourth anniversary of when the girls and I moved into our current digs. Before that, we lived with my ex-boyfriend who had become increasingly controlling and angry in general. Unfortunately for me, I had been in abusive relationships before, (beginning with my leagal guardians) and I was smart enough to get the hell out, before things escalated the way they most certainly would. I had people and trucks all lined up, but my Ex decided he wasn't going to let anyone else move me, and I knew it would just be easier to let him have his way one last time, than to expose myself or anyone else to his rage.

As you can probably guess, the moving process was horrible. Not only did my Ex make me lift extremely heavy objects into his truck by myself, he also screamed at me for loading his truck incorrectly. By the time it was all over, I was so physically and emotionally exhausted, that my body could only respond by giving me a blinding three day migraine.

I have vowed never to expose myself or my daughters to that kind of bullshit again. Since that day, I've read a lot about abusive men and I can spot the warning signs a mile away. I'm sure I'm probably way too cautious when it comes to dating, but that's just because I'm very aware that there are plenty of things in this world worse than being single. I feel really good about how hard I've worked and how much I've learned in the last four years. Not to get all earnest on you guys or anything, but I'm still getting used to being able to like myself and every once in a while it's good to remind myself how far I've come.

Okay, now I'm done with the Lifetime Channel portion of this post, does anyone want to talk about snotting on fish or how scary it would be to date Rush Limbaugh?

10 comments:

Bice said...

Good for you Churlita! Freeing yourself and your girls from abuse took tremendous courage. I applaud you.

My wife and I labored for years to get our youngest out of such a relationship. She too final got the courage to reclaim her life. Seeing women free themselves from abusive situations is a passion of mine.

Remiman said...

Churlita,
I'd snot on Rush in a heart beat.

You are so right! Abuse is unacceptable on either side of the coin. Good for you for escaping that blind canyon of a relationship.

I didn't know or recognize any of the "musicians on your previous post so I couldn't make an intelligent comment, or even a comical one that would have made any sense.

Trevor said...

Happy anniversary.

So who will star in your Lifetime movie? Valerie Bertinelli or Judith Light?

I'm guessing Stephen Dorff for the role of ex-boyfriend. Maybe it's time Tony Danza stops kidding himself about his career.

Maggie said...

Yay Churlita!

When I try to envision dating Rush Limbaugh, I feel abusive rage, so we'll not go there

booda baby said...

I think we all know Rush his nothing BUT an abusive bastard so he has to go back into the Lifetime portion of the post. Just saying. I like my categories nice and neat, thank you.

Know what would be a pain in the ass for you but a great service, what with the ability of people to find these things on the internet?

A little list of 'things to look for' when one's looking for the things that hint at abuse. I'm sure it's been done before, but I'd rather get advice from someone like you.

Churlita said...

Bice,

It's tricky, because they lower your self-esteem so much that you don't realize that you don't deserve to be treated a certain way. Good for your daughter too.

Rel,

I would pay to see you snot on Rush Limbaugh.

Trevor,

You know I did think about who would play me, but I already did a post like that when I was drunk last year. What I finally had to admit was that Valerie Bertinelli, Meredith Baxter Birney and even Tracy Gold were all too tidy to play me in a made for TV movie, and realistically, it would probably be more likely that Tina Youthers would be the one.

Margaret,

You could so totally kick Rush Limbaugh's ass.

Booda Baby,

The thing that's tough about abusive men is that they are complicated and confusing and that's how they mess with your head. There are also several different types. I have always gone for the victim abusers.(those who tell you how badly they have been treated, but omit that they punched someone first and that's why they were mean)The big things are looking out for possessive and jealous guys and men with huge entitlement issues.

I love you in the face said...

hey churls, we don't really know each other in real life but i'm proud of you too. you're right, when someone is dominating you, getting yourself away from that person may come from a place of desperation and low self-esteem. Though, freeing yourself at all means you still believe in yourself which is where real strength comes from. Well, I think so anyway. I was in tricky situation last year and managed to claw my way out of it. It was fairly ugly and I was pretty pathetic but I got away. It's been a haul to realize that maybe I'm not as awful as he claimed I was. Blogs are tough because you want/need to be honest but then everyone gets to see your flaws. So, I think it took courage to write about it and I'm glad you did:)

Churlita said...

ILYITF,

Thanks so much for your comment. I posted this and then went to bed. When I woke up, I kind of regretted it.

I hear a lot of people judging the woman who stays in an abusive relationship, and that ticks me off. I come off as super ballsy and so no one would ever in a million years think that I'd put up with that crap. So maybe it was okay to put this out there...

Anonymous said...

Hi
Women stay with an abuser for all kinds of reasons. I think the "entitled ones" are the worst. Their abuse is often more subtle, more devious, more cruel. And it's easier for them to hide it, especially to the outside world. This kind of abuse doesn't leave any marks on the outside. I admire you for having the strength and courage to leave.

Churlita said...

Anonymous,

Yeah, I've always been bad with the entitled ones. I have all those orphan issues where I think I owe everyone for everything... Or, I did. I can only hope that I'll be smarter in my next relationship.

Thanks for commenting.