Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Aquanetta, Bo Baquanetta Fanna Fo Faquanetta Fee Fi Mo Maquanetta, Aquanetta!

Another photo from beautiful downtown Tipton.

Where I work, I see a lot of names. I'm not going to tell you what my job is on here. Let's just say I'm doing god's work, so I'm everywhere and then again, nowhere at all. Yeah, anyway, as I come across all these names, I have to wonder what the hell people are thinking when they name their children. I understand that you can't help what your last name is, but if it were really bad, wouldn't you have it legally changed? I know I've done posts about weird names before, but I came across some recently, and I thought I'd move beyond Assman, Slutsky and Misty Bush and share a few more with you.

Last names: Just this week I came across two fun ones. The first was a guy with the last name of Munch. Would you really want to be forever known as Mr. Munch? If you were a man, perhaps you would. It might make you very popular with the ladies.

The second awesome last name was Lustenberger. That guy could easily be a character in a romance novel..."Jezebel Slutsky touched her heaving bosom as she fantasized about Mr. Lustenberger's throbbing manhood."

First names: Here are two I've seen recently that you should definitely not name your sons. Adonis and Casanova - you can be certain with those monikers to live up to, your sons would have to be the nerdiest, most unattractive and unluckiest in love, men alive. It's like laying a curse upon your boy's head right at birth.

If you have a girl, promise me you won't name her Aquanetta. I swear to god this is someone's actual name and I would put money down that she will grow-up and kill her parents at the height of her out of control meth addiction.

Oh, and if you have twins, rhyming or similar names can be cute, but calling them Tiffany and Taffany is wrong and bad.

First and Middle Names That Correlate: I'm not sure of the thinking here. When you name your daughter, Farrah Fawcett Smith, do you want her to turn out like a certain seventies actress with great hair, or are you just out of your fucking mind? The other priceless correlating first and middle name I found this week was; first name, Tammy and middle name Wynette.

That's all I got tonight. I will go forth and do more of the lord's work - researching names to make fun of.


Bice said...

At least the 60's hippies had an excuse for naming their kids "moonbeam" & "sunflower" & "honeysuckle"... they were stoned!

People are naming their kids crazy ass names these days and they're stone cold sober when they do it. Could this be considered a form of child abuse? ::grin::

Remiman said...

I went to anesthesia school with a girl whose last name was Slutsky. She was from NYC. She was a tall pretty girl who wore too much make-up and ate with her mouth open..slop--slurp--Munch.

Trevor Jackson said...

Taffany was clearly on the losing end of that decision.

Other twin combos these parents might have come up with:

Steven and Fleven
Christopher and Shmistopher
Joel and Jale
Jennifer and Jannifer
Samuel and Simuel
Olivia and Elivia

It's like they didn't know they were having twins until delivery and had to come up with that second name on the spot.

Jane said...

I once met a set of twins named Nadine and Nodeen. Nodeen is right up there with Taffany in the ridiculous made-up name department.

Side effects may include nausea, sleeplessness, weight gain and anal leakage. Ask your doctor if Nodeen is right for you.

akelly said...

A few more for your list - S. used to be in school with Elvis whose younger brother was in T's class - the younger brother was James Dean - Really (parents are professors at prestigous U) and in S. New School - a kid named Steel Wall - Steel for a first name sort of ok - but if your last name is Wall - Why?

Churlita said...


My kids went to a school where a lot of the parents were still hippies. There were kids in their school named Sunshine and Resin. The sixties never died in our town.


I know they try to pronounce it like, Slootski, but they'll always be Slutsky to me.


I know, Taffany was probably the second twin. I'm sure if I were a twin, I'd the be the Fleven or the Shmistopher.


I had to wean myself off the Nodeen. The anal leakage just became too unseemly.


Did that family want their boys to grow up to be frustrated loners, breaking their own bones in order to receive more pain pills?

I can only hope that Steel has a little brother or sister named, Brick one day soon.

Brando said...

I was always baffled by the poet William Carlos Willams. Sure, it's easy to remeber, but there should be a rule that your first and last names have to differ by more than one letter.

My favorite twin names would be Pete and Repeat.

Anonymous said...

I knew a very strange guy who's name was Elvis Aaron Presley McCloud. His dad was an Elvis impersonator, back when Elvis was still alive.

Churlita said...


There was a guy named MAtthew Matthew once and he was a junior. Why would you do that to your kid if you've already gone through life that way yourself?


It sounds like his dad was obsessed. His mom must have been too to let her husband do that to her son.

julie in l.a. said...

My favorite twin names from high school: Tyrone and Tyrun. Is one of those past tense??

Churlita said...

Julie in L.A.,

Tyrone, tyroned, Tyroning, Tyrones, Tyrun.

Anonymous said...

My brother's middles name is Moses... hahahahah

Churlita said...


Middle names are totally different. If his first name was Beelzebub and his middle name was Moses, then I'd poke fun.