Sometimes I Can't Help Seeing All the Way Through

G. and D. hanging out at my place on Christmas evening.

Whew! It's been quite an extended holiday weekend. It was really great, I just tried to cram too much into it, as usual. I think when I left you all, it was Christmas Eve and I had just opened a bottle of wine and commenced to watching District Nine and melting into my couch. That was such a nice night.

Christmas day I had planned on giving myself a "get out of jail free card" day and just laze around. Then I heard that D. was stuck in Iowa City for Christmas, so I invited her and any of her friends over for lasagna, and Stinky asked if she could have a few friends sleep over and then I had all this weird cleaning and organizing energy, so I figured I might as well just go with it. I scrubbed down the kitchen and got things put back into the bathroom after my painting spree the night before. Then I made a big pan of lasagna. Our house is big enough for us all to have friends over without driving each other crazy. Coadster was parked on the couch, with a big comforter and watching a movie when my friend D. asked her if she could share it with her. They looked pretty damn cute all snuggling on the couch together.

Ironman sitting on the stool with some reading material.

On Saturday, the girls and I went to the mall where I purchased towels and a shower curtain and other stuff for the bathroom, all for less than $5 a piece. I sure love Target for its reasonably priced goods.

So, I finally let Stinky choose the bathroom color. She went with a Carribean Sea blue. I know that blue is the traditional bathroom color, but since I'm so non-traditional, I thought it would be funky if I used it. I found a shower curtain that matched it and suddenly turned my teeny, tiny bathroom, which had previously been opposing shades of dirty white with dingy off-white into a retro 60's kitschfest. It's all very swank, I can assure you.

Stinky and I put together the cupboard thingy today. It was so much easier to assemble than the entertainment center we tried to get up over Thanksgiving. All the slots were in the wrong places and we gave up on that and let my brother go to work on it. He kept saying, "It must have been a bad day in Singapore when they made this..." over and over again. Anyway, the cupboard was pretty easy...Well, for Stinky. I just stood around and handed her stuff and held things, while she figured it all out. Thank god, someone in our house has a knack for that.

I did go out for a bit on Saturday night. I was pretty wiped out before I even made it there. I took a nice long run in the snow earlier in the day and during that, took a header on the ice, so by the time evening fell, I was thinking that staying home sounded pretty good. Some people I wanted to see were in from out of town for the holidays, so I soldiered on, but I turned into a pumpkin exactly at midnight and went home and went to bed. The end.

I Gotta Have Some of Your Attention, Give It to Me

Here's me after I reprised Jodie Foster's role in the movie, Nell.

So, I'm still in putz mode and Stinky had friends hanging out at our house until after ten, and so I'm finally getting to the computer to blog and it is very late and I have to go back to work tomorrow and wah and wah and wah. Once again, that's my excuse for a lame blog post and I'm sticking to it. I spent tons of time with my girls the last four days and even had some time to myself. I also went out for a bit both nights of the weekend. I didn't really drink much, but judging from the above photo, I can make a huge ass out of myself completely sober. They say everyone is born with their own special gift...

Here is my Reader's Digest abridged version of my evening activities this week:

So, yeah. I saw some of my whacky friends on Friday night and had fun. We all called each other names like the big, fun dysfunctional family we are.

I got outdanced by an adorable two year old who also had better hosiery than I did. God, I hate competition.

I was so thankful that my friends made it home safely on the treacherous foggy, icy, snow covered roads we all had to contend with the last few days.

I saw some boys RAWK'ing on Saturday night at the Picador.

I tried very hard to avoid the pit, because the kids were all aggressively full of the Christmas spirits at this show.

I watched my friend plug his ears when I spoke to him. For some reason, I seem to inspire this reaction in a lot of people.

Once my friends played the human version of the Barrell of Monkeys game, I decided it was time to go home. I got a ride and skipped any after hours events both nights. In other words, I had a lot of fun, but still managed to be a good girl. Yea me!

She Said There is No Reason and the Truth is Plain to See

So, I've kind of sucked at keeping up with my blog the last few days. Frankly, I haven't been doing anything all that exciting instead, I've just been cutting myself some slack and spending time with my girls as much as possible, watching movies, going to the mall to spend Christmas money and playing lots and lots of Rock Band. On Christmas night, the girls and I laughed for almost an hour straight making our Rock Band characters as deformed as possible. Yeah, we're pretty much all HUGE dorks in my family.

Anyway, Mr. B. canceled because he said his family Christmas got moved. It was actually better for me, since I've just really been in a lazy mode lately. It was nice not to have to worry about entertaining anyone. I went out for a bit last night and I'm still trying to figure out if I want to leave my house tonight. I'll let you know tomorrow what I decided.

I am going to buck up and do the Saturday Scavenger Hunt word tonight. Mr. Manuel chose white. Since it's been snowing on and off for a week and is snowing right now, I had no trouble coming up with a photo for it.

Happy weekend, and I'm going to try to be better about the whole blog thing here in the next week.

I found the Simple Life Ain't So Simple

All the cousins on that side of the family.

This will be another holiday mostly photo post. So, Christmas Eve, yeah. It was very hectic. I knew it would be, so I was trying to just go with it. Everyone was so squirrelly at work, I didn't know if we'd make it out alive. My co-worker, John was making me so crazy I had to remind him several times to take his meds. When he said he already had, I told him to take mine too.

I finally made it out of work and on to Ottumwa. I took a different route since the four lane was finally completed, and the roads were pretty clear.

I got to the shenanigans and everyone had already eaten, so I got my plate and watched the savage present opening festivities. As you can see, the dress-up clothes were a hit with the younger kids. I love it when they mixed and matched the Cinderella dress with the Storm Trooper helmet.

As you can imagine, none of us got tired of the Storm Trooper helmet and neither would you have. I'm sure of it.

I don't know if it was because they were full of the Christmas spirit, or if they were just nicer because they hadn't seen me for a day, but my girls actually posed for a photo...And nobody had bunny ears or a tongue sticking out. It was a Christmas miracle!

After a couple of hours, we all started getting sleepy and I still had to drive back, so we took our leave.

The obligatory holiday photo of my aunt's poor, overwhelmed pooch.

We did have a little Christmas drama on the way home. My gas light came on at one point. None of the gas stations were open, and when I went to get my credit card out, I realized I had left my purse at home. Crap! That also meant that I didn't have my driver's license or AAA card on me either. Double crap! We were in Lone Tree at this point which is only about 15 minutes from Iowa City, but my gas light had already gone off and I had no idea how far I had before we were going to be stuck.

I called my sister in order to have an adult to spaz to and she was awesomely reassuring. She checked her computer to see how many miles away we were from home and thought we could make it. We were white knuckling it the whole way back, but the first gas station we found in Iowa City was open and happy to exchange cash for fuel. It was another Christmas miracle!

As we drove up to our house, we saw a cop car in the driveway. I'd have been a little more worried, if the same thing hadn't happened a few days before. There must be some kind of trouble going on in the duplex next to ours, because the cops keep going over there for some reason. Anyway, I was too tired to worry about it.

Christmas was as mellow as Christmas Eve was not, but I'll get into that tomorrow. I hope your Christmas was everything you wanted.

Fill My Heart With Song

Here is a bench downtown after a snow storm.

Well, kids. I'm still insanely busy, but I have just one more day before I can finally relax. I can handle one more crazy day, can't I?

My sister took my girls to Ottumwa today, so I've been flying solo all night. I've been running around so much, I didn't have time to notice how weird it is to go an entire day without seeing my daughters. That doesn't happen very often in my world.

I'll be very surprised if I have time to post tomorrow. I have to work my normal shift, and if the weather isn't too scary, I'm planning on driving down South tomorrow. I'm just staying for dinner and gift exchange and then we'll be driving back to Iowa City that night.

Christmas day is the girls' dad's birthday. I tried to get him to give me some kind of schedule for when he wanted the girls, but he must not have been sure what he was doing. So, I figure they'll open their gifts from Santa. (yes, he still comes to our house). Then see if their dad wants them for a while. He normally does something with his friends in the evening, so I'm planning on having dinner with the girls. I think I'll make a Christmas lasagna for dinner instead of Chinese take-out. We've had a lot of rice and veggies lately. It's not traditional for either their Irish or their Mexican side, but I didn't think boiled cabbage enchiladas sounded very good.

I don't have any real plans for those four days. Mr. B. said he might try to come up on Friday for a little bit, but I don't count on that. He's supposed to call me tomorrow or Thursday and let me know. I figure, if he shows, great. I'm always happy to see him, but if he doesn't, I have plenty of resting, relaxing, running, and cleaning to do. I'll just have more time for myself.

So, to all of you, no matter what you're celebrating, Chanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, the fact that there is no spiritual force that exists, or the eventual return of your space ship to take you back where you came from, I hope you do it balls out...And I mean that with all reverence.

Well How Can You Say You Will When You Won't?

Dai reading from "A Child's Christmas in Wales". I forgot my real camera and had to take it with my phone.

I am officially the lamest blogger ever. I figured I'd go running at the rec building tonight and then come home and write a more thoughtful blog post than I have lately, but then that didn't happen, did it?

I texted my friend K. earlier to see if she wanted to go with me to work-out. She said she wouldn't be able to, but she was going to The Sanctuary for the Dylan Thomas reading and was I interested in joining her and her boyfriend. I thought about it, and decided I was.

I got there and it said it was sold-out. Since the Welsh guy giving the reading is married to a good friend of mine, I went in anyway, and sat with some people I worked with back in the eighties and it was all very nice. I got carded when I went to buy my one pint of very delicious wheat beer, so the night couldn't get much better.

K. and her boyfriend decided they weren't going to try and squeeze in. She texted me that they were at the Mill. I mingled for a few minutes after the reading, and then drove over to K.'s boyfriend's house, where they went after they fell into their food comas. I only stayed an hour and then went home.

So, obviously, I didn't get around to writing a thoughtful post tonight. Maybe that will happen tomorrow. Until that time, I have a question for you: Is it just me, or do other people get super excited about kicking the snow clumps out of the tire wells of their cars in the Winter?

You've Done About All One Kid Can Do In One Day

Okay, kids. This weekend was INSANE. I'm so glad I took Friday night as my night of resting and watching movies, because I didn't do anything but run around like a chicken with my head cut off for the rest of the weekend. My friend G. even called me at one point to see if I wanted to meet some girls at The Dublin, but I had to decline. So, I'm exhausted and this will mostly be a photo post. I will also get back to reading blogs and hopefully, emailing all the people I owe emails to sometime this week.

At nine o'clock on Saturday morning, Coadster and I went to Stinky's basketball game. Her team pretty much sucks, and I say that with all the love in my heart for her. You know it's bad when you get excited that the other team only has twice as many points as yours.

After the game, I had to break down and go to the mall. I hadn't bought even one Christmas present, and it was about damn time. Plus, Coadster volunteered to wrap presents for Habitat for Humanity, so I had to drive to the mall in the middle of all that snowfall anyway. We decided to break up the shopping by hiding in the movie theater for a bit. We watched Seven Pounds, but I won't tell you anything about it, so as not to spoil anything for you.

Later that evening, I went to the Mill to my friend B. and A.'s anniversary party. It was a great time.

There were lots of musicians and even kid wrestling. Here is B. and A.'s daughter getting wrestled down by two famous local folks singer's adopted daughter. PAAAAR - TYYYY!

I didn't stay long, because Stinky was at my house having a sleepover with a couple of her friends. I was there long enough to hang with some great, fun women and have exactly two beers. Once again - PAAAAR - TYYYYY!

The happy couple seemed to have a lot of fun and find a way to make some money out of the deal too.

Today was more running and driving girls places, and watching the Steelers lose and now I'm going to pass-out. I can't wait to go to work tomorrow, so I can get some rest. Jeesh!

It Makes You Feel Happy Like an Old Time Movie

Our cute, chubby tree.

I'm going to try to make this short tonight. It's another one of those, it's late and I'm tired posts.

You know how sometimes you just get into the holiday spirit? It's not like you have any money, or that you still don't have an attitude about everything in general, but you're actually feeling it? That's how I got tonight. I walked home with the snow hitting my face and shoveled that same snow for about a half an hour. Somewhere during that, I had this weird feeling that things were exactly as they should be. It's a week before Christmas. It should be snowing. I should be shoveling it. I almost felt like defying the elements and running outside too, but then I remembered that not everyone comes home from work and cleans their sidewalks, so a jog around town could be a little uncomfortable.

I took my new found holiday appreciation to a restaurant and splurged on inexpensive take-out sushi for me and the girls (if you take it out, you don't have to waste money on drinks or a real tip). The girls were most appreciative. The only problem, is that I gorged myself and had big expanded rice belly, so I had to take a power nap before I could start getting the tree going.

The ornament Coadster made me in second grade.

Our tree this year is short and squat. Both the girls have used the word "cute" to describe it several times now, but it is fitting.

When I first split with my ex, I was broker than broke. I had a tree that year, but I could only afford to buy one cheap box of red ornaments. Every year since then, I've let the girls pick out one ornament a year for me to buy. Those along with the ones people have given us, and the others my daughters made have since taken over our tree. We don't even have room for the boring red ones anymore. My favorite one is in the photograph above. It's made from plaster, or clay and weighs about 100 pounds, and looks like Mr Bill on acid. Coadster made it in second grade and I'm sure I'll hang it on my tree every year until somebody steals it from me at my nursing home and finally throws it away.

Okay, this is me being a sorry, mushy sap. It's kind of sick, but I figure I gotsta go with it when I'm having these holiday spirit pangs. Don't worry, I'm sure by tomorrow I'll be back to my old self, swearing in front of young children, and kicking puppies.

Come Tomorrow, Feel No Pain

This will be a lovely photo post of my holidays. You know, half the talk and twice images. This was the first thing I saw when I looked out my window on Saturday morning. Yup, that is actual frozen urine from when the boys peed their initials in the snow for me. Pretty neat, huh?...Or not.

This is what all the snow looked like when I shoveled it for over an hour the day before Christmas Eve. Remember when I said that I liked to shovel snow? Well, let me amend that by saying I like to shovel snow, until there is a veritable fuckload of it.

On Christmas Eve, Stinky got to spend time loving up her younger cousins with mixed results. The baby girl cousin loved the attention...

...The older boy cousin? Not so much.

By Christmas Eve night, the girls and I had filled ourselves so full of the holiday spirit, that we had reached our saturation point and it was WAY past time to go home. I was even eating a piece of candy here and I looked like I needed a gigantic happy pill. That's how you know I'm exhausted.

Now most of the running around and stress is over. The girls head to Madison tomorrow to hang out with my brother and their beloved cousin, M. I will retrieve them on Saturday. Until then, I will be furiously readying myself for Mr. St Louis who should be here by the time I get off work on Thursday. I still have a lot to do to get ready. Maybe I should get my caffeine through intravenous drip for the next couple of days...

Another Delay. Too Many Hassles

Here are some icy berries on a tree.

Today was day number 533 of my busy craziness - or at least, that's what it felt like. I drove on icy roads. Icy roads with drifting snow. Snow that swirled, seemed more like steam, and made the highway look like it was paved in dry ice. Then I spent time with my siblings and then drove on more icy roads. Finally, I made it home and met K. at the Dublin for a beer.

Tomorrow there will probably more driving and more family. Then hopefully, on Christmas day, I can rest. Happy holidays, kids.

And Don't You Eat That Yellow Snow

Today the Saturday Scavenger hunt word was spirit. Here is a picture of us girls all in the Christmas spirit several years ago. As you can see, my nose was very red. It wasn't from me imbibing spirits, but I did have a bad cold.

This year we will have a white Christmas for sure. We can't fuck this one up. It is busy outside, snowing and snowing and snowing. It even just thundered. I love it when there is thunder and lightning during snow storms.

I had a house full of eighth graders tonight AND a migraine. Two great tastes in one candy bar it was not. I also spent most of the day doing recycling, taking cans and bottles back, finally getting a Christmas tree and almost finishing all my shopping - all with a migraine. Awesome.

I spent some time talking to Mr St. Louis on his journey to South Carolina to see his mom. After I got over my migraine, we had great phone conversations while he sat in airports waiting for almost every one of his delayed flights. He gave me some good news today. He misread his itinerary. He will actually get back to St Louis a day earlier. So, he should be in town before I get off work on Thursday. That will give us almost 10 more hours. Hip, hip, hooray!

The snow made the teenagers in my house kind of crazy. At one point, all the boys ran outside and peed their names in the snow right outside my window. Awww, thanks guys. I'll never forget you. One of Stinky's friends asked me to write about her in my blog post tonight. She told me I should tell the whole internets that she's wearing Superman underwear and that they're her favorite pair. Consider it done.

In a World Gone Crazy, Everything Seems Hazy

Here is Stinky standing next to a Cyclone Cone when we were in Ames.

Today, Mr. St Louis called me in the afternoon and asked me what I was doing. This is what I told him, "I'm at Jiffy Lube watching end of the year sports highlights on ESPN". He told me that he never guessed I'd answer that way. You know me, I like to be unpredicatable. Basically today, I ran around like a crazy person trying to get shit done.

First, Stinky and I watched a girl movie. At one point, a woman had a two year old'ish kid who started to cry. And cry and cry and cry. At least three people asked her to take the kid out so we could hear what the pretty people on the screen were saying. The woman not only refused, she got pissed-off that anyone even suggested it. What the hell is wrong with people?

After the movie, we got our car ready for holiday travel and then we went to the mall and I got most of my Christmas shopping done. I still have a few things to get, and I may have to work around a blizzard to finish up, but I'll will finish, dammit.

Tonight, I was wiped out. My friend Ondine called me to see if I'd meet her and T. and our friend Ed Gray at George's for a beer. I showed up, drank one whole, entire beer, chatted with my friends and then went home. Very quick and dirty...Okay, there was nothing dirty about it. Darn.

Lookin' for Food in All the Wrong Places

I found out at the last minute that I would have the girls for most of the day today. I was happy about it, but I didn't have anything planned for dinner and almost no food in my house. I've been letting it run out because the girls are leaving tomorrow until saturday, and I'm also broke.

The problem, of course, is that hardly anything is open on Christmas in my town. I drove around and found a couple of convenience stores and for some reason, Walgreens was open. With those two choices, I imagined our menu options to be either Slim Jims and Little Debbie snack cakes washed down with a 32 ounce Big Gulp, or cough drops and laxatives washed down with some Nyquil. I was thinking the latter might be more fun, but either way, we probably wouldn't feel very good about halfway through dinner.

So, I did what I always do when I need some good suggestions, or if I ever want to read a post where a man talks to his penis - I perused Neil's blog. Once there, my issue was instantly solved. In his post he wrote, "If you want me today, you can find me with the other Jews at your local Chinese restaurant, playing Mah Jongg with the restaurant staff." That was it. I called around to see if any Chinese restaurants were open, and luckily, our favorite one was serving like it was just another day. I cannot tell you how much I appreciated non-Christians today.

Then I got to wondering if I had ever had to work on Christmas day. There was at least one. In 1986, I was cooking at a ski resort in Big Bear Lake, California. I had to work a double shift on Christmas because everyone else except one other guy was at home ill. We were both sick too, but neither of us could afford to see a doctor, so we weren't able to procure a note excusing us. I'm sure we infected more than one B movie actor that day. I still have visions of Jan Michael Vincent, Cheech Marin, or Pam Dawber struck down with my particular strain of virus.

Have Yourself a Merry Little...

I'm using another one of A.'s photos from New Mexico. How kick-ass do those trees look?

I just got back from Ottumwa and my family Christmas. My nephew is now three and a half and finally getting a better understanding of the holiday.

Last year when he was two and half and impatient with how long Christmas mass was taking, my sister tried to remind him that we were there to celebrate Jesus. To which he replied, "I already have a baby Jesus at home."

This year, before we could sing happy birthday to my Uncle, my nephew made us sing to Jesus. Of course, he was kind enough to volunteer to blow out the candles. Boy, but how the kids learn to use Christmas to their own advantage earlier and earlier.

Now, I will take my leave to finish drinking my cranberry apple tea and watch The Family Stone. (my new favorite holiday movie) Tomorrow at 1:30 pm, I'll watch my old school favorite Christmas film, Meet Me in St Louis. I know, I know, I'm an old sorry sap.

Yeah, the Night's Not Over, You're Not Trying Hard Enough

My friend A. who lives in Texas just sent me some photos she took of her boys during their trip to New Mexico. The top one was at White Sands and the bottom one was from the UFO museum in Roswell. These pics, of course, have nothing to do with the rest of my post. I just think they're really cool.

Tonight I drove around a suburb of Iowa City with another friend of mine who's first initial is also A. We were trying to find a party at the house of our friend's girlfriend. The city planners of that particular suburb either do a lot of drugs or else have a cruel sense of humor. Almost all the brand new subdivisons looked identical and the streets had animal names. We were looking for Deer Road, but all we could find was Vixen Road. Even though we thought we'd have more fun hanging out with vixens, we really wanted to see our friend who was in town from Virginia.

We never did find his party, but it was a nice drive and when we got to A.'s house we were able to freak out her husband by sitting in her car in the driveway and talking, instead of going inside where it was warm like sane and normal people would do.

According to the clock on my computer, it is now Christmas Eve. I hope everyone gets safely to their destinations, and most importantly is actually able to find their way. Okay, happy, happy and my wish is that you all get what you want from this holiday. Personally, I would like world peace and some more time and money. Can you get any of that from a holiday?

As For Me and Grandpa, We Believe

So, here's my Christmas tree. I know, she's a leaner. I cut her down myself and I held her with one hand and screwed the little things in from the stand with the other. I'm not sure which of those facts is responsible for her wall dependency, but I love her anyway.

Neil of Citizen of the Month just held his Christmahanukwanzaakah concert and those bloggers who didn't wish to participate musically, were encouraged to send in photos of their holiday images. Almost all the other Christmas trees represented were so beautiful and coordinated and none of the other trees appeared to be propped up against anything. These other trees did not make me feel unworthy or lame, however. I think my messy, mismatched, leaning tree is just about a perfect representation of me and the girls.

Have you noticed? I seem to be on a holiday upswing. I've been trying to figure out why I've been so cranky lately and I think most of it is sleep deprivation. I get off work at 4:30, by the time I walk home it's 5. Tonight I drove my children and others around for almost two hours and then I still had to come home and make dinner. (notice how I didn't get a run in there anywhere) I guess what I'm trying to say, is that adding holiday preparation in that mix means that I need to get less than five hours of sleep a night if I want to get everything done.

Basically, I've decided not to worry about getting it all done. I never wanted to be like my Aunt who ruined every holiday by stressing out about them. So, I'm calming down about all the shit that may or may not get done. Because I'm sure when they're adults, my girls won't have any recollection of what a sty my living room was. Though, they may just remember that year they pooled their babysitting money together to buy their mom a prescription for Prozac for Christmas.

It will all be over in a couple of days anyway. We celebrate Christmas on the Eve and since their dad's birthday is on Christmas Day, the girls go there. On Tuesday, they will travel to Madison to hang with my brother's family until Saturday the 30th, and I will actually have a few days to myself. What that means for all of you, is that I want book suggestions. Yes, I will actually have time to read something other than blogs and I want you to tell me something you've read that you think I'll love. 'Kay? 'Kay. Thanks in advance.

You Will Be Saved at Any Cost

Here is a picture of my mom during WW II.

I thought I'd try to do things a little differently than last night - I was thinking I might actually work on making sense today. I've been feeling a little better about the holidays for several reasons, and since I'm working on my organizational skills, I figured I'd start by composing a list of all the things that are making me feel more festive:

1.) I finally did some Christmas shopping this weekend. I've been waiting to see if I would somehow come across more money, and since I didn't stumble over a wayward trust fund in the last week, I had to go to the mall with what I had. Hopefully, I'll be completely done by tomorrow evening.

2.) I'm still mixing my cheesy holiday fare with rock and PBR. On Friday night I went to see my friend's band play. Before I got a migraine and had to leave early, I had a really good time talking about such wholesome things as stray pubic hairs showing up in restaurants, and how people snot all over the fish in Alaska because it's cold when they're cleaning it and maybe it's not all sea water that makes fish salty.

3.) I went to some family oriented holiday parties on Saturday night. At the first one, Stinky's friend's mom got drunk and started dancing with anyone she could find. Needless to say, her daughter was horrified. At the second one, we were all laughing about how my neighbor called one of her daughter's friend's a smart-ass. For once in my life, I wasn't the most inappropriate or embarrassing parent in town.

4.) I have awesome friends. On Monday night I went out with some of my girlfriends to celebrate Ondine's triumphant two week return. When we ran into Mr Rejectorman, Ondine said, "I never liked him."

My friend T. said, "Oh, I was thinking he was someone completely different. That guy is all wrong for you. He looks like he's sixty years old." It's so nice to know my girls have my back.

5.) Stinky has been kissing my ass all over the place since our Sunday afternoon drama. Sometimes it's reassuring to see that my thirteen year old actually does have a conscience.

6.) The end is neigh. For the last month or so, I have been so busy that I couldn't imagine things ever slowing down. But that should happen after Thursday evening. First we'll all pile in the car and use up some unreneweable resources to drive around and look at other people wasting precious energy to light their neighborhood with Christmas joy. I feel so American when we do that, because here in this country, we like to celebrate our holidays by consuming as much as possible. Starting Friday, I should be able to relax for maybe even an entire week.

7.) I have a few days left to scan many, many old photos. I'm kind of excited to have them all in my bank. It's been a really fun project while it lasted.

8.) I've been hearing Christmas music done by more indie artists lately. Did you know that The Dandy Warhol's, Reverend Horton Heat, The Pogues and Tenacious D have all cut Christmas tracks? I keep waiting for Slayer to bless us with their Christmas contribution. I wonder which classic they would choose to make their stamp on? I was thinking they might do a kick-ass job of changing a certain classic to, "Let it Bleed, Let it Bleed, Let it Bleed".

It's Getting to the Point Where I'm No Fun Anymore

I am ever so weary and now I'm going to tell you exactly why. I did something that I don't recommend anyone do unless they are feeling mentally, emotionally and physically very, very strong - I got into a struggle of wills with a thirteen year old girl that lasted almost the whole damn day. Yeah, I know you're all admiring my bravery, but if I have to engage in another battle royale tomorrow, I'm sure I'll crack.

As those things go, it was all over something as ridiculous as making a certain slobby girl clean her damn room. It wasn't like I wanted it spotless, I just wanted it so that I didn't need to get a tetanus shot in order to walk through her room and kiss her goodnight. Stinky told me she didn't feel like it, so I laid it out for her; If she did her chores, she got cash, and if she didn't she got grounded. I gave her until the end of the day. She wasn't allowed to watch TV, get on the computer, hang out with her friends, go with me and Coadster to the mall or talk on the phone until it was done. So, for the first couple of hours, she colored in her Mythical Beasts coloring book. I went into her room and told her what she stood to lose if her room wasn't clean by the end of the day. She would be grounded for the rest of the week and if it wasn't done by the end of the day on Monday, she wouldn't be able to have her friends over for a New Year's Eve party. She said, "Whatever." and continued coloring.

I went running and when I came back, I found out she had jumped on the computer during my absence. She was then grounded for a week and on top of that, if she didn't clean her room, she would have to stay at her Dad's house for the next week where there are no snacks and almost nothing to do. During this conversation she said, "Whatever" about five times. When I asked her to quit saying that word, she switched to smugly saying, "Okay".

By three o'clock, Coadster and I got ready to go to the mall. As we drove away, I saw Stinky peek through the blinds to make sure we were gone. I quickly drove around the block and parked the car on the street and came back into the house. She had been dialing the phone, but threw it on the couch when she heard me enter.

Me: That's it. Are you going to do your chores or not?

Her: I don't know. I haven't decided yet.

Me: Well, decide right now. If you're not going to do them, I'm taking you over to your Dad's so he can make sure you don't do any of the things you're grounded from. If you're going to do your chores, you can stay here so you can finish them.

Her: I guess I could make an effort to try to get something done...

Me: No. You're not doing me any favors by doing your chores, those are your responsibilities. So, you either tell me you're doing your chores or not. You know how much I hate being a hard-ass. I really don't want to make you miss your party, but if you don't get your work done, you also know that I'm going to stick to what I said.

Her: It's just so boring and I don't care what my room looks like, so I don't see why I have to clean it.

Me: If you never do anything you find boring, you'll never work a job and I'm sure you won't care how tidy your space under the railroad bridge is either, but there won't be any place to store all your shoes there. Plus, if you don't do your share of the work around here, then I become your maid and you'll start having huge entitlement issues and nobody will want to hang out with you. So, we're not having all this conflict because I think it's a lot of fun; it's to make sure you grow-up to be a functional, compassionate adult with at least a little bit of a work ethic.

Her: Okay, okay. I'll clean my room and vacuum the living room.

Coadster and I went to the mall and Stinky's room was clean by the time we came back and not only was the living room vacuumed, she actually used the attachments to get behind the Christmas tree. It was so annoying that we had to go through all day drama for less than an hour's worth of work. The good thing about having two children, is that I've already gone through this stage with Coady, and I'm getting better at sticking to my guns and not screeching the way I'd really like to. It also blows me away that after living with me for thirteen years, they still think they can out-stubborn me. Silly teenage girls.

Here is a list of seven things I'd rather do than get into a battle of wills with a thirteen year old girl:

1.) Go to a crowded mall the weekend before Christmas.

2.) Eat a lardsicle.

3.) Get my eyeballs pierced.

4.) Have Baptists who don't know me come to my door after a tornado hits my house, and tell me it's my fault for all the sinning I've been doing.

5.) Go on a date with Rush Limbaugh.

6.) Drink hotdog water.

7.) Have a heart to heart talk with either K. Fed or Paris Hilton.