Thursday, February 12, 2015

Come. Come Sit Down on the Fence in the Sun and the Clouds Will Roll By.

Even though Archie is twice her size, he has no problem letting Heidi be on top.
It happens every February. The first week is fine, then I start getting this weird, bad feeling - like I saw a disturbing movie the night before and haven't fully processed it yet and there's a little dread mixed with sadness hanging over my head. By the second week, I look at the dates and it finally comes to me...February 14th is my mom's birthday, which is a good thing, but she died when I was 10 and I can't celebrate it with her, which is a bad thing. Also, Stinky got meningitis and almost died and my ex-husband and I took turns staying with her in the hospital for 10 days and staying home with Coadster. Stinky lost 1/4th of her body weight in a few days. When you only weigh 40 lbs, that's a lot.

Then I start to think about how poor I was back then and how I had to ride my bike to work every day no matter what and when it was 20 below zero, I couldn't afford warm clothes and got frostbite in many places and I crashed my 3 speed bike with bald tires several times on the way to work. We also had no space in our apartment then. The first place I lived after I got divorced was so small, the girls called it the motel room. It was dismal.

I can turn that all around by comparing all of that to what I have now. I feel like I am rich. My girls are adults now and trying to find their ways and still live close enough that I get to see them fairly often. I still ride my bike to work most days, but I don't have to. I have a reliable car now. How weird is that? And I can afford to park in the ramp when it is too treacherous to drive and I actually have appropriately warm clothes for almost any conditions and haven't had frostbite in years. Crazy!

I also am co-owner of my very own home and we have two EXTRA rooms. I don't have to sleep in the living room with no privacy. I share a bedroom with my partner and use the spare bedroom next to us, to do my bike trainer work-outs in and the upstairs dormer room is my swanky reading room, where I read while the cats try to distract me.

So, I will probably get a little sad and more reflective every February, but after I indulge it as much as I need to, I will also celebrate all that I have right now and look forward to Spring.

1 comment:

NoRegrets said...

Good for you!