Here is some roadwork.Do you ever find yourself searching for something on the web? You stalk people on Facebook, peruse blogs, Google shit you don't really care about. You're not even sure what you want. A connection, a sign, the answer to a question you don't even know how to ask? You find yourself frustrated, because out of your hundreds of Facebook "friends", there isn't one who has posted any new photos or had a witty comment thread that went on for hours and stopped making sense about fifteen comments ago.
You are aware that you are a stalker. A voyeur into other people's lives. Not for any scary or violent reasons, you're just nosy. You want to know what other people do, what they think, how they feel about everything. Why not? You put your life out there for public view. It's only fair.
Because you've had this conversation with your friends, especially your single friends, you know you're not alone. No one bats an eye when someone talks about their web stalking habits. Okay, some people do....But you don't. Isn't it only natural? Before the web, there were neighbors and communities spreading the word about people's lives. You chalk it up to the human fear of living in a vacuum.
13 comments:
There is this great song by Shonen Knife called "Perfect World" - I listen to music to know that I am not alone
I read books to know that I am not alone
I think I would add - I search the internet to know that I am not alone.
Boy, I totally feel what you are saying here.
Ditto! I am a terrible voyeur. My secret shame. ha.
Churlita,
There was an article on MSN yesterday about whether or not facebook, and such, friends are real friends and of any social value. Their conclusion was, that while not as good as real face to face friends they are a good stand-in.
rel
I was just thinking about this - so glad you posted! Lately it's been worse than usual - a spring thing? I nearly fall asleep with my laptop in bed, looking for any connection...wasting hours in the process. Although I don't feel like it's wrong, I do think it's a little sad. And I know for sure that if I wasn't single I wouldn't do it.
I'm still of the old school mind and simply want to find some of the people from my past. I'm not really looking to stalk anybody and I don't think of it as voyeurism. I may have to write a post about this subject.
Laura, nice comment.
Churlita, nice post.
I think it's all about seeking connections.
i can spend hours on facebook doing nothing. yesterday i stalked my perfect ex who is not my friend. i stalked his new wife too. i think about asking them to be friends with me....but im pretty certain ive already convinced him im a freak. sigh. after 13 years you'd think id stop caring....
It's not stalking if the other person wants you there. And I just assume they want me there ;-)
Sometimes I stare at the monitor, even when it's turned off, as if to say: "Tell me something. Give it up."
Thank you for this. I was kind of snapped at by a guy because I checked his site out too much. It was another social networking site where you could see who is looking at your profile. He had been telling me that he was going to post up new photos about something, so I kept checking back. I kind of liked the guy. Then he said something like, "If I update my site could you stop visiting it so much?" Grrr. I stopped visiting his site.
Oh this was SOOOO interesting.
I love when people share and open stuff up (I have to admit I assume that they're expecting an honest conversation). You, of course, are exceptionally good at it. That's important to keep in mind. That you excel.
Others of us? Well, not so much. I know I'm not too good about very personal stuff, but in my defense, I'm like that in real life, too.
I don't know why (although I bet I could do some good pondering on it).
LauraB.,
Exactly. I guess we all blog for a reason, huh?
Ananda,
There's no shame. We all do it. We can't help being human.
REl,
A lot of my FAcebook friends are people I've known forever but who live far away. If not for Facebook, I'd never communicate with them.
Poptart,
Yeah. It's a little sad. I'm sure if I lived with the person I was in a relationship with, I wouldn't do it. But if I was in a relationship and didn't live with the person, I'd probably still do it on the nights we spent apart. In fact, I have in the past.
AlienCG,
We use the term stalk very loosely. Mostly we just keep up with our friends and check out their pics. It's just more fun to call it stalking.
Pamela,
Absolutely. We're all just seeking connections in almost anything we do.
Mighty Jo,
I bet your perfect ex isn't quite as perfect as you remember anyway. That's what I found out about my so-called perfect ex. Time can cloud our memories. If you really want to be his FAcebook friend, you should ask him.
Brando,
That's the best way to think about it. If they didn't want me there, they wouldn't have accepted me as their facebook friend or left their blog open...
Dana,
Me too. It's like the Magic 8 Ball of the new century.
Tara,
That guy was a jerk who needs to get over himself.
Also, what site was that? If I'm on it, I want to know if people can tell I'm stalking them.
Booda Baby,
I'm very open. It makes a lot of people more open with me. I figure if some people can't handle that, then they'll probably just stay away. There are plenty of things I don't share openly on here, and imagine how scary those things are.
It's on Multiply (www.multiply.com). Haven't used it in awhile, though.
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