Thursday, January 22, 2009

Was Your Mind Squeaky Clean in the First Place?

Here's me making my monkey face (just pull your ears out and put your tongue under your top lip and you can look as pretty as I do here) at George's in 1999. This photo got posted on Facebook recently. I had no idea it existed. Facebook is a veritable field of photo landmines. Ouch.

So, it got into the 30's here and felt like Spring. It seems like as good a time as any to get all bawdy. I'm nothing, if not inappropriate and I think sex/ relationships between men and women are hilarious. I thought I'd post some conversations I've either heard or taken part in. Most of them are sweeping generalizations and I know that, so don't get your panties in a wad. I also promise not to identify who said any of this, on account of the incrimination factor.

1.) A friend of mine likes to say that all women are crazy and all men are stupid about them. I disagree. I know plenty of crazy men and tons of women who are stupid about them. I think everyone is crazy, and you have to find someone who's crazy you can deal with.

2.) A friend of mine was drinking at a bar called Joe's Place. A guy came up to her and said, "You look like you have the kind of ankles I'm attracted to hidden in those boots." She said she doubted it, and that her ankles were bigger than most men liked. His response was, "I knew it. I love a woman with big, solid ankles." Of course, she gave him her number. Every woman I've told that story to said they would too. Nothing is more attractive to a woman than when a man makes her feel sexy about the body part she's most self-conscious about. (Guys, if you were paying attention, I just gave you a freebie. You're welcome.)

3.) Some people at the bar were talking about getting dumped. One woman said you should have sex with someone else as soon as possible after a break-up or you'd end up masturbating to your ex, since they were the last sexual experience you had. She said nothing was more pathetic than that. One of the guys lamented that it was much easier for women to do that than men, because women could get laid by hot guys anytime they wanted and it wasn't the same for men.

Another woman said that was true, but men had an easier time finding relationships than women did. She thought that was one of the fucked-up things about it, as far as she was concerned. Most women she knew could get all the casual sex they wanted, but mostly wanted to be in relationships and most men she knew could find women who wanted a commitment from them, when all they wanted was to get laid.

4.) A woman was detailing her experiences with dirty talk and said that she liked it, but it made some of the men she "knew" uncomfortable.

The guy in the room started laughing and said, "The only reason it would make a guy uncomfortable, is because he wouldn't know how far he could go. Most guys are afraid they're going to talk too dirty and ruin the whole thing." Then someone brought up a Seinfeld episode to illustrate that point.

Okay, those are just a few things I have for now. How about you? Do you have any funny sweeping generalizations about male/female relationships on this fine Friday?


-RM said...

Women/men both like what they can't is in my experience that I can subtly criticize a woman who gets complimented often and make her self-conscious. This usually makes the situation turn around and have her come after me and seek my approval/pick me up.

laura b. said...

hee hee! Your 'generalizations' seem awfully true to me! I definitely agree that everyone has their own brand of crazy and finding someone who can handle yours...and you can handle theirs... that is quite a trick.

.j.william. said...

here's mine, borrowed from an article:

46% of women would give up sex for two weeks rather than giving up going on the internet for two weeks.

The number was 30% for men, which is actually closer than I thought.

Poptart said...

ok first off, no one can look as pretty as you doing the monkey face even if you give directions.

I like your obsevations on love and sex. I think they are true. I just feel like there's never enough of either in my life, so it makes me anxious to think about.

Dana said...

"You look like you have the kind of ankles I'm attracted to hidden in those boots."

Um. I'm sorry, but I think that is one of the worst pick-up lines ever. It would not work on me. No way.

Tara said...

I remember that Seinfeld episode. Strangely enough, he did take the dirty talk too far, but it was hilarious.

And I agree with Dana, that ankle remark wouldn't sweep me off my feet. But to each her own!

Brando said...

Those are all really, really funny.

I think with dirty talk, you need to really know the person you're talking to. Once they do, they won't be surprised when you reveal that you're a furry.

Chance said...

No, I'm flummoxed. I don't think I understand anything about either gender. Sometimes I feel like an alien on earth.

Remiman said...

Boys like girls for different reasons than girl like boys, but they come together in an unending dance to preserve the species.
Pun intended. ;-)

movin' down the road said...

#3 is just WRONG

Anonymous said...

Good stuff. I had a friend who was all about the crappy pick-up lines. I have yet to find one "brighter-than-a-burned-out-bulb" that actually fell for one.