A guy taking a photo of some people I don't know in the snow.
So, my first boyfriend has been calling me every Saturday for the last month or so. Sometimes I answer and sometimes I don't. It would be fine if he were just calling me to chat as friends, but in his head we're not only going to get back together, we're going to get married and have babies together too. What?
Don't worry. I've told him several times that I just want to be friends and I don't want to move to California and I don't want him to move here. I don't know if he thinks I'm just kidding, or if he thinks he can wear me down. He can't. If you know me at all, you know that I don't pull any punches. Most guys I know tell me they appreciate my brutal honesty (personally, I prefer to think of my honesty as refreshing). I try really hard not to hurt anyone's feelings, but I also don't think I'm doing anyone any favors by leading them on.
You may be wondering why I don't just tell him to fuck off. I may have to eventually, but first I'd like to see if we can establish a friendship. I like him as a person, I just would never date him. He told me he wasn't afraid to admit that he was lonely and wanted to be in a relationship. I think it's great that he's open about that. He seems to think of me as instant girlfriend just add water, because we dated over twenty years ago, and he loved me back then. I'm a much different person than I was in my late teens and early twenties (thank god), and he may not like the less needy, fucked-up version of myself.
As I've mentioned before, my biggest problem with him is the fact that he doesn't take an active part in his son's life. I've asked him about it several times and he gives me all these lame-ass excuses about how he can't see his son without his ex trying to get back with him. He also doesn't have a car and can't drive the hour to see him. Why would I ever have a child with someone who isn't accountable for his first kid? You can't keep having children and ditching them when it isn't convenient, until you get it right. It's such a strange concept to me.
He seems to be assuming that I'm as lonely as he is. I'm not. Of course, I'd love to find someone to be in a healthy committed relationship with, but it just may never happen for me. I'm content with my life the way it is. I've been single for so long, that I'm pretty good at it. I don't feel like the one thing I can't have is overshadowing everything else in my life. Neal doesn't believe me when I tell him that.
If he can't be my friend and get past thinking we're going to get back together, then I'll have to let him go. It would be a shame after recently finding him again, but if he doesn't listen to me, it won't be much of friendship anyway.