Monday, December 29, 2008

Whatever Happened to All This Season's Losers of the Year?

Me sitting between my neighbors at our block party in 2004.

Hey, here's a crutch I haven't used in a week or so. I'm going to steal a post from my old blog again. I wrote this in May of 2006. Now, I will take my leave and wash some dishes. Damn, I lead a glamorous life. Here you go:

I ran into my friends S. and J. at the store the other night. They're awesome and they live down the street from me. We had our usual neighborhood conversation about the tornado and how our houses were coming along afterward. Then J. asked me how my love life was to which I used my stock reply and said, "Imaginary."

J. who is quite happy with her girlfriend, S. told me that I should just give up on men and date women instead.

"You know, I've just never been sexually attracted to women, " I said.

"Really? Because I can't think of anything less attractive than a middle-aged man. So, what does it for you? Is it the bald head, the he-boobies, the back hair or th...

At that point I put my fingers in my ears, vigorously shook my head and started repeating my favorite mantra, "Watermelonwatermelonwatermelon..." until she stopped talking.

"Yeah, okay. I know," I said.

"Seriously, the other day I saw this gorgeous woman our age with this total putz of a guy and I felt bad for her because I knew that she just didn't have any other options."

Her point wasn't missed on me, but attraction, like love isn't logical. You can't help what you find interesting in people. After I turned 30, I found myself really attracted to balding men. I'm not sure if it was just one of those youngest child things like when I was a kid, I told myself I liked the chicken wing because I knew that I got last pick and that's what would be left and I would be happier if I liked it. I really didn't want to date anyone much younger than me (not that I haven't) and most guys my age were balding. So, despite the possibility of he-boobies and back hair, I do think many middle-aged men are attractive and I can't make myself a lesbian any more than a gay person can suddenly turn straight just because it upsets certain people's sensibilities.

And now, I will show some pretty pictures of clouds that have nothing whatsoever to do with he-boobies (although, I obviously think it's funny to write that word over and over). Coadster took these tonight just before the sun set:

Here's where I couldn't get the cloud photos off of my old blog and onto the new one. Sorry.


Poptart said...

i love the baldies too. i tell myself (and them) about the baldness=more testosterone thing, and it makes us all feel better.

but I don't know who I am kidding - I'd take just about anything at this point...

Mrs. Hairy Woman said...

I like older men too.. Not for the balding, he boobies or back hair Cause I don't have one of them.. I have a good looking man that is 9 yrs older than I and if he was the last man on the planet I would still want to be with him.. warts and all..

NoRegrets said...

Oh, I fear 2009. But I will not do back hair. Bald is fine. I did ask one of the trainers about a trainee, but turns out he's 23. A bit tooooo young. Darn.

laura b. said...

That is a great post to which I can strongly relate, from the imaginary love life, to the loving, but not loving girls, to the affection for bald or balding men. of my less awful chores! Yay!

Wow, my verification word is 'defang'.

Tara said...

I went to an after-work farewell party for a coworker and one of the girls I work with brought her girlfriend. We were talking about relationships and I said I needed a boyfriend, they shrugged their shoulders and said, "Or girlfriend!" Nope, it's just not an option for me.

sissy said...

I know what you mean. All my single years there were way more eligible single girl loving girls than single girl loving boys in my town but I never felt that way about girls (not that there is anything wrong with those who do)word verification was hotene that is a cool word.

Chance said...

Man, that's hilarious. The fact is, middle aged people of both sexes are largely unattractive. That's why God gave us midlife crises and starry-eyed college girls who are impressed with cash flow and a few years of experience.

...Or not?

Churlita said...


No, you wouldn't. you could have just anything, you're just waiting for the right thing.


That is so my point. For me it's not about what anyone looks like, it's finding that guy who is weird and dorky enough for me who I can stand to be with and who can stand to be with me.


I haven't dated under 10 years younger, and I want to keep it that way. Although, if someone is really right for you, his age won't matter.


Defang, huh? That's so trueblood of you.


I wish people happiness in whomever they find attractive. I hope they do the same for me.


Yeah. I suppose if you were attracted to women, it might seem as though were tons more guys you could date. The whole grass is greener thing. Nice verification word.


for me it's the personalities I find less attractive. Some older guys get so cranky and mean. I'm not sure what causes that. i'm not saying all older guys, just some.