Monday, October 20, 2008

Then Like a Distant Scream

Here are some pics I took last week while I wandered around my neighborhood. This a photo of a grown-up chair that fell over and a kid chair that's still standing.

I guess I'm going to be a little scattered tonight. I stayed up way too late last night for this one reason, and you know how I get when I'm sleep-deprived - my self-diagnosed ADD runs wild. Who knows what the hell I'll say.

This is some kind of garage like building with windows. I like the whacky color combination.

Stinky went to a haunted cornfield outside of town called Field of Screams. (have I mentioned lately how much I love Iowa?) One of the kids who went with, lives a block over. He's a good kid, but he's a total Eddie Haskell. Every time he's over, he just keeps kissing up and it's so obviously fake, that it annoys me just a little. Anyway, Stinky said when they were out at the haunted cornfield, at first he kept trying to be all tough and say, "Bring it. BRING IT!" And then when someone jumped out from the cornstalks with a fake chainsaw and a mask and indeed brought it, he ran down the field, screaming like a five year old girl. Damn. I almost wish I was there to see it.

Here is my favorite tree on my street. I'm also a fan of the 70's looking wagon type vehicle in front of it.

My daughters work and hang out with a girl who's dad graduated from high school with me in Ottumwa. It seems so weird. I remember running into him and his wife when our kids were little. We were all laughing (until we cried) about having kids so close together in age. My girls are sixteen months apart and his kids are about that same distance apart, except his wife had twins with the second pregnancy. So, when we saw them, they had three kids under the age of two. Shoot me. Anyway, if you had told me that our kids would grow up to be good friends, I'd never have believed you. Since I never lived anywhere longer than four years straight when I was a kid, the concept of knowing someone my entire life besides kin, is entirely foreign to me.

This house is also pretty seventies. My neighborhood is kind of retro like that.

I do this thing. Some people find it annoying. Of course, I think it's kind of charming, but since I know I'll never be able to stop, I kind of have to. I change the words to songs to fit the occasion. And just for the record, I did it long before Weird Al made it famous. In junior high, there was a kid named Sam. I'm not using last names anymore, because in the past, guys I knew from junior high have googled themselves and found my blog. It's actually been cool, because I hadn't heard from them since 1979, but I don't want anyone to take the shit I write the wrong way. So, Sam used to call me flea, since my hair was all wild and crazy and messy. Sam was a little heavy, so I got him back by changing the words to Foreigner's, "Hot Blooded", to "...He's fat blooded, check it and see. His pinky finger weighs a hundred and three...." Yeah, it was bitchy, but then I was fighting a guy who would sit behind me in class and take his finger and wave it all around my head and make a buzzing sound, like I had bugs in my hair, so I like to think we're even.

I continued with the Foreigner theme when the girls were little, and I used to sing "Juice Box Hero" when I got them their liquid refreshments, after they woke up from their nap. I also changed the Backstreet Boys song to, "Everybody, wash your body..." when it was time for their baths, until the guy I was dating at the time, put a moratorium on that one. What?

Today, my co-worker John was being particularly annoying, so I had to change the words to Barry Manilow's "Copa Cabana" to, "His name was John. He was a loser..." And then he threw a handful of rubber bands at me over the cubicle wall and it helped me get through the day.

What songs do you change the lyrics to, and what do you replace them with?


Mr Atrocity said...

T and I change the lyrics of songs all the time but it tends to be a spur of the moment response to a certain situation and quickly forgotten thereafter. We were changing the lyrics of Enter Sandman by Metallica on Saturday but I can't remember for the life of me what we changed it to, something button related I think.

Remiman said...

I change the lyrics to most songs, esp. the ones I've forgotten the words to. Not fit to transcribe here on the family channel. ;-)
Ex: " I don't know why I love you like I do, maybe it's the way you ..... ."
well, you get the idea.

Mrs. Hairy Woman said...

I find kids songs the easiest to replace words with.. Like for instance, "There was a farmer who had a dog and his name was B i n g o".. to "There was a farmer who had some fruit and its name was A p p l e".. and so on.. stuff like I do all the time..

Leo said...

LOL!! Juice box hero!!!

You made me spit out my Mt. Dew....all over the keyboard!!

Tara said...

We have something called "The 7 Floors of Hell" at the local fairgrounds. I think they were warming up the sound effects on Saturday morning, because we were shopping at the flea market set up and I could hear werewolves howling in one of the buildings. At least I hope it was just a sound effect. I need to go to that this season.

another good thing said...

You crack me up. I love the song lyric thing- it definitely works for me because I never remember the right ones in the first place. This week in my house we are singing a french -english version of Mano Chao's Bongo Bong and creating whole new french words to suit the melody we fail to carry. I bet you rock at karaoke.

Your Humble Proprietor said...

Every time I hear "Judy Blue Eyes" all I can think about is flatulence:

It's getting to the point where I can't hold it in any more
I am sorry
My butt it hurts so badly I must cry out loud
I am gassy
I am yours, you are mine, you are what you are
But I have to faa-aaa-art

Mature, I know.

Todd Totale said...

I recently turned the Sesame Street song "Somebody come and play" into the following:
Somebody come and play
Somebody come and play, I'm gay
Somebody come
And touch my bum

The five year old repeated it yesterday at breakfast and got in trouble from Mom. Which meant that I got in trouble at dinner time for the same thing.

dmarks said...

I think I change the lyrics of most songs.

I was in one of those mazes this past weekend. It was vast. Someone in the distance yelled out "Keys"! So we checked to see if any of us had lost their keys. Sure enough, one of us had lost her keys in the corn maze.

DJSassafrass said...

I'm fairly sure you have witnessed me do this--and it wouldn't surprise me if you and I creatd soem fantastic duets! My latest lyrical masterpiece? Playing uno on 360 and making up lyrics to the background music. yep--I'm awesoem like that.

PS New pandora station kick filled with crazy cheesy songs=Christopher Cross radio. Cheese-tastic!

MrManuel said...

We're very alike. I too have self diagnosed ADD. Additionally, I too often change lyrics to songs and sing them. It is fun!

Poptart said...

I make up tons of songs with Lois in them. And then sing them to her when I think I am alone on the sidewalk or in the apartment or backyard, only to find usually that there is someone horrified, watching and listening to me.

laura b. said...

These pictures are the awesomest! There is something very comforting about them...maybe they remind me of my childhood or something.

Changing song lyrics is a noble calling. Never give it up.

Not Fainthearted said...

I have more fun using the actual lyrics, but they tend to be Broadway musicals and it tends to REALLY annoy (and scare) people. Especially when I'm with a friend or two with the same tendency and then off we go!

Now, if you were talking about misheard lyrics, that would be a totally different story.

But I'll wait for that question rather than outing myself as a complete d0rk. :D

NoRegrets said...

'Touch me in the morning, and I'll give you a slap'

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Changing the lyrics to songs is one of my favorite pastimes. I was thinking about doing an entire post about altered song lyrics or song lyrics that people just get wrong accidentally because those are pretty funny too.

Churlita said...

Mr Atrocity,

Awesome. I love that. Metallica should be messed with.


Dirty lyric changing is the best, in my book.


See? At least yours are educational. Mine are just immature and goofy.


Good. Oh wait. I hope you didn't hurt your keyboard.


And if you do, take pictures, please.


I used to do that with that Police song on Outlandos D'Amore that's all in French, I think, when I was in high school.


Hilarious. If it truly was mature, I'd never understand it.

Todd Totale,

You guys both got busted at meal time. Ha ha. Your wife really has her hands full, doesn't she?


Thank god you found them. It would be so hard to look for them in that maze.


Of course I made the Christopher Cross station. It's so weird. Yesterday "Sailing" came on my iPod when I was running and made me embarrassingly happy.


We do what we can, huh?


I love it when I hear people singing in public when they don't think anyone's around. It cracks me up.


All those 70's houses probably do remind you of your childhood.


I love misheard lyrics. I've written posts about them before, and maybe it's time to do so again.


Perfect. I love what you've done with that song.


Please do. I'm sure yours would be hilarious.

Chance said...

All of those songs were awesome, but "fat blooded" made me guffaw like a 13-year-old.