Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The Girls They Love to See You Shoot

Here is a picture of a pretty orange flower.

Hey, guess what? I slept for about 7,452 hours and I'm feeling much better. That's the good news. The bad news is that I have to go to work tomorrow. I love staying home so much. Of course, I missed the Michael Cunningham reading tonight, but I saw him read last time he was here a few years ago, so I'm not completely broken up about it.

I felt a lot better this evening and got some cleaning done and loaded a bunch more CD's into my computer. Let me tell you just a few of the artists, so that you can see just how all over the place my musical tastes are: old Bob Marley and the Wailers stuff (mostly from the album Kaya), Dire Straits, Cat Stevens, Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley's Sun Sessions album, Jackie Wilson, Sugar Hill Gang's "Rapper's Delight" and then a bunch of crap from my Rhino Records, Super Hits of the 70's CD's - everything from the Bay City Rollers, Ace, Hot Chocolate and The Muhammad Ali song, "Black Superman"

I think I'm going to do one of those "letting you follow my train of thought" posts again. That way, when you're done reading, you'll be so glad you're you and you can just get up and away from your computer, but I'm stuck here in my head. I've also put up some pretty flowery type photos tonight to ease your pain.

Here are some whispy plants kind of by the Circle Jerker's and TLB's old house.

You know how I keep writing about mix CD's? Well, it got me thinking. I've received my share of mix CD's from boys, as probably most women have. My friend K. says that guys either make girls mixes of songs they hope the girl will think are cool or else they give them mixes of music the girl will like. I dated a guy a few years back who made me tons of mixes. Most of them were of songs he thought were cool. The one time he made me a mix of songs he knew I'd like was after we broke-up, I started dating someone else and then broke-up with that guy, and he wanted to get back with me. It took him that long.

That got me thinking about most of my relationships with men. (I know, here I go again) I'm not going to generalize about all men, because I know plenty who aren't like this and I'm sure there are also many women who do it as well. But I tend to date guys who don't work at all during the relationship, but then when I finally break up with them, they all the sudden say they'll change and work twice as hard trying to get me back, as I ever asked them to while we were dating. Then they pine for years after. I don't get it.

Here are some end of the season daisies next to a bunch of coleus.

I would love it if a guy told me the things that bothered him about me in a realtionship. Sure, I might be defensive at first, (I'm fun that way) but then I could either realize I was being a pain in the ass and work on not being like that, or else tell him that it's something I can't change. Like if he was all, "Churlita, it bugs me that you live in your own little world and don't ever notice when I get a haircut, or that I moved an item on the counter from here to there, or that there even is a counter there. What I really want is a woman who will organize everything and make my life easier."

I could say, "Yeah, sorry. I'm just not that kind of a girl. On the plus side, I won't nag you about shit either." And then he could decide whether that was something he could live with or not."

I've never had a guy do that before. Usually, I just drive them crazy and they pick at me until I reach a saturation point and leave or they drive me crazy and I tell them what's not working for me and they may try for a while but ultimately go back to their ways that drive me crazy and that whole process I talked about above starts all over again.

Here is a cart full of flowers.

My friend G. and I were talking about some guys we knew who were like that. It would make sense if they didn't want to be in the relationship, but then they got so upset after it was over and then when it was way too late, decided to make an effort. It always reminds me of the Flannery O'Connor Story, "A Good Man is Hard to Find". You know, when the Misfit kills the grandmother, and says, "She would of been a good woman, if it had been somebody there to shoot her every minute of her life." I've noticed that pattern with Mr. B. and we're not even dating. I guess I'm tired of dating (or not dating) guys who need a gun to their heads...And that's why I'm taking a break from it for a bit, until I can find a guy who will make me a mix CD of songs he thinks I'll like, instead of trying to show me how cool he is, and no guns are required.

There, didn't I warn you about how scary my brain was?


-RM said...

holy ahit!! I thought that guys were just kind of made up. On top of that...I love Flannery O'Conner!

Remiman said...

Yeah, it seems to be a flaw in human relationships; that when we find some one good, we try to make them better.
I know most of the songs and artists on your last mix. Does that mean anything?

Susan said...

I swear I keep trying to stop dating. I really, really do. You, however, have read how unsuccessful I am at that venture.

Tara said...

Mixed CDs are awesome. I love finding one in my collection that I made up awhile ago so that I don't remember the songs that are on it. So it's a nice surprise when I play it.

Anyway, I'm glad you got plenty of rest and that you feel much better!

All day, every day said...

No guy has ever made me a mix tape. I'll chalk that up to indimidation of my musical knowledge and ability to flip shit.

Cricket said...

Wow, I felt right at home in this post. I could even ID the flowers for you.

Seasoned relationships are odd in that nobody appreciates what the other brings to the table, just what they don't bring. I have talks with people the complimentary issue is what you should seek. If everybody is good at cleaning house and nobody at finance, then things go wrong. (Cue ex-husband.) My famous line is, "Don't be mad at me for not being a blonde. My hair is brown and it was when we began. Don't try to make me into something I'm not then be mad that I can't be it." Or something like that.

And if you don't listen, I'm going to thwack you with my fake leg. (Thank you F O'C for such great images! It would be so cool to be in Iowa in her footsteps.)

TLB said...

Wah! I miss the old neighborhood. Isn't there some way you could rig me winning the lottery so I could quit my job and move home??

I have nothing to offer about relationships, having been married off as a teenager for the price of a couple of goats, but it does seem that people in general and men in particular don't know what's good for them without a gun pointed at their heads.

laura b. said...

I'm glad you're feeling better and that you got more of your awesome, awesome music loaded onto your computer.

I am right there with you on the whole weird relationships dynamic thing. In the end, people don't change...and if they actually somehow do, they usually resent the hell out of the person who "made" them do it.

Churlita said...


I know. she's great. She has the best quotes too.


I wish I could find a good one. I don't expect anyone to be perfect, lord knows I'm not. I just want someone who will actually put some effort in it, and not wait until it's too late.


Good for you. I just need a break. I can't deal with all the bullshit right now.


I love that too. Just finding a cool mix I forgot I even had.


Wow. That's weird. A lot of the ones I get are from guys trying to show me how cool their musical tastes are because they know how much I love music. Which, I could care less. Show me that you're funny and a good person, and then I'll be impressed.


I heard that. I was a lot younger than my ex husband, so I would always say, don't get mad at me for acting my age. If you wanted someone more mature then you should have dated someone your own age.


Believe me, if I won the lotto, I'd help everyone I knew. It would be great to see your beautiful baby too.


I'm not asking people to change so much. I just want them to be who they are from the git so I can make an educated decision about whether I want to be in the relationship. Then it would be great if they appreciated me while we were together instead of waiting until after I've already broken up with them and it's too late, you know?

NoRegrets said...

I think you make a lot of sense. And jeez, you have mix CD's?? I only have mix tapes from way back when. I want to convert some so I can save them. Someday.

And you hit the nail on the head with my ex. Only when shit hit the fan did he make an effort, and by then it was too late.

stepping over the junk said...

I looove cd mixes. I find old ones from college and it's like new music to me! (and curbs our aforementioned itunes struggle/addiction/temptations.)

Churlita said...


I think that's the difference between men and women. Women try too hard while they're in the relationship and are usually way over it by the time they break-up. In general, guys don't work so hard, but then once it's over they wonder why they didn't and pine about the woman who got away for way too long after.

Churlita said...


Exactly. I've been trying to be better about uploading all the CD's I already have before buying any more music from Apple.

Brando said...

Our old house and a Michael Cunningham reading? I miss the IC.

I think Congress should pass some type of Relationship Disclosure Act. You have to list any and all foibles, hangups, restraining orders, items from exes still in one's possession, and a current picture of your mother or father that's at least 20 years older than one's present age. That would save a lot of hassle.