You are a terrible chicken shit. You know that about yourself, but you can't seem to help it. You are also too old to still be this lame.
You've been interested in him for some time, but there's weird history. There is always weird history in these matters. You would go into more detail, but relating it to others could induce bleeding from the ears of everyone involved. It's best to just say that the history is the cause of some of your lame behavior.
You are also a little drunk. Did you mention that? Yes, you are drunk and so is he. Whoever said that there was courage in the bottle, never met you. As far as you are concerned, the bottle is only the cause of your resonance, and maybe the amplification of your voice has blown away your nerve.
Because you are enamored, you can't look directly at him. You fix your gaze on everyone else in the group but him. If he walks away to take care of something, then you can look, but otherwise he is your brand new, pet white elephant. You also can't speak to him. You spend too much energy trying to overhear his conversations. It makes you appear distracted and maybe a little stupid to others in the room. Ritalin. There's not enough Ritalin in the world when you are drunk and he is in the room.
At some point you notice that he is the only person in the group that doesn't look directly at or talk to you either. Does that mean he feels the same way about you, or is he trying to avoid you because he's worried that your very loud, attention deficit disorder might be contagious?