It's Too Hot to Handle, So I Got to Get Up and Go

Here is a picture of some clouds and the countryside.

Kids, it just turned July and I can't say that I'm all that sad to say goodbye to June. It certainly wasn't all bad. I had some really great times and wonderful experiences. It was just rollercoastery and I'm more of a slow and steady girl (again, more emphasis on the slow and less on the steady). Last month just plum tuckered me out, is all.

Hopefully, we won't have any more flood drama, but I'm not counting on July to be all that very restful either. Here's how It's shaking out right now:

4th of July weekend - Right now I don't have a lot planned. I may stop by Billy Mac's farm on Dane Road and see some bands in the afternoon and I've tentatively planned to watch fireworks with K. and her boyfriend on Friday evening, but other than that, I'm totally open.

The weekend of the 11th - My wedding date is supposed to come back to town for the Euphoria Fest in Lone Tree. I'm taking a a half day off on Friday. I'll go for a while on Friday night and then camp out there on Saturday night.

The 16th is my birthday - I'm not sure what I'm doing for my birthday. I usually like to celebrate it for at least week. I really am that goddamn special. So, I might celebrate a little during Supper Club on Wednesday and then invite anyone who wants down to the Dublin on Thursday night. I'm taking Friday off work, so my daughters and I will go see a total girl movie matinee that day.

My girl crush at another wedding.

The weekend of the 19th - is my girl crush's wedding. I don't think I need to tell you what kind of crazy dance party will be happening there, do I?

The 25th of July - is when we leave for our California road trip. I'm sure I'll write more about that before we leave, but we won't be back until after the first week in August.

I sure didn't schedule any good resting or napping time, did I?

It Comes Upon Me Without Warning

So, on Saturday we celebrated the birthdays of two of my favorite people the only way we know how - with a huge fucking dance party. My girl crushes birthday was on May 7th and my friend D.'s was on Sunday.

I would like you to recognize how smart I was by taking a nice, clean girl group photo at the beginning of the evening, because dance parties get sweaty and dirty in a hurry.

See? Like here, D. and J. and T. all still look pretty respectable and cute.


You know, but then we start the sandwich dancing, because apparently we never get tired of it.

Then maybe someone gets a great idea to stick their head in someone else's shirt and button around it so that it looks like some kind of freakish, sideshow appendage.


And other people start getting surly and flipping me the bird just because I very invasively and annoyingly want to take their picture.

The dance party begins in earnest and we get in the way of all the people trying to play pool.

My nicely straightened hair gets all unraveled and starts curling and frizzing just to spite me.


I'm left by the end of the night trying to figure out my IQ on my two fingers... Or am I counting the brains cells I have left?

Then we get to the "ashes, ashes, we all fall down" part of the evening and the chance to take any nice clean photos of ourselves will just have to wait until the beginning of another night, since this one is essentially over.

I Feel Like Swirlin' and Dancing

Here's me and my girl crush bringing out the guns.

Today two of my friends celebrated birthdays. One was my friend A. who lives in Texas and who I love and I've blogged about how wonderful she is on here several times now. I really wish I could have bought her a drink and had my daughters watch her boys so we could go out and properly acknowledge the day of her birth. Maybe next year...

I was, however, able to help my friend Schecky celebrate hers. Supper Club was at the Hilltop this week, which also happened to be where Shecky was hanging out, so it was perfect. It was the first time I had seen Shecky in about a month, so I was so happy to get to shoot the shit with her. I normally get home from Supper Club about eight, but my favorite bartender S. and his lovely wife K. came by to escort Shecky to The Dublin and they asked if I would meet them there. Who was I to say no?

The Dublin was great fun. We had all kinds of wrong conversations and my favorite bartender came close to making me spit out my drink not just once, but twice. My friend W. told me that some very attractive guys she knew were hot for me. Here's my question, why wouldn't they tell me that? If you're a single guy who reads my blog and you're attracted to someone, do you tell them? And if you don't, why not?

We also discussed some of the details of the upcoming weekend. I know I mentioned it once before, but on Saturday I'm meeting the Dublin girls pool team at the state pool tournament in the Quad Cities. It should be a frighteningly good time. We may or may not have the topless pillow fights we teased my friend L.'s husband about, but I'm sure we'll be up to no good in many, many other ways. When I asked the girls what the men at the pool tournament were like, they said it was hit and miss. Shecky said that out of 500 men, there might be 100 that were doable. As far as I'm concerned, those odds aren't too bad. Or maybe I've just lived in Iowa City too long...

So That the Dancers Just Won't Hide

Well, kids. This weekend kind of got away from me and I still haven't had a chance to get my XBox live going. I was going to try to work on it on Friday night, but there was that whole sleepover thing happening, and then when I got the girls settled down, I realized that the movie Slapshot was just starting and I don't think I need to tell you what my main priority was right then. Of course, I don't - it's hockey, it's the late seventies and an EXTREMELY hot Paul Newman. The XBox was going to have to wait. FMBF/DM called me this afternoon, but I didn't have time to bug him with it, since I had to get to Coadster's choir concert and then I never got around to calling him back. Hopefully, Monday night I'll look at it after Coadster's first soccer game. FMDM, be you may want to turn your phone off, if you know what's good for you.

The other thing I did this weekend, was help my psuedo doppelganger, total girl crush and friend who shares my name, T. celebrate her birthday on Saturday night. People kept getting confused about which of us was having a birthday and coming by to wish me a great day. If I had been smarter, I would have let them buy me drinks.

We all met at the piano bar. It was the the first place I ever met my other girl crush on the Santa Crawl last December, so it holds a special place in my heart.

The piano player guy and the sound system weren't the best, but the bartenders were a lot of fun and they put up with all of our shit and sang and danced right along with us. So, it was all just fine.
Once we were through with the piano bar, we headed to, where else? That's right - The Dublin. But on the way, I was finally able to capture my girl crush's sparkle for real right in front of the dress store. Perfect.

Once we were back down at The Dublin, the dance party continued. We even moved the center table to make room for the mayhem. As you can see from this shot, we really have absolutely no shame whatsoever.

Then it was finally last call. Since my girls were at their dad's house, I stayed out even later and went to my friend J. and D.'s house for hilarious girl talk and dirt dishing and most importantly, Texas toast. I think we sufficiently celebrated the hell out of that birthday.

Ba De Ya - Never Was a Cloudy Day

This post was supposed to be written on the 22nd, but what with all the birthday festivities and tons of kids in my house, I couldn't get anywhere near the computer for most of Saturday. Let's just pretend it isn't slightly after midnight, okay?

Dear Stinkyjandra Luz Maria,

You were born at 7:08 pm fourteen years ago today, and you have kept me hopping ever since. You were never one of those cautious, "worried about what other people thought" kind of kids, like your sister. You've always had your own special sense of style.

I know we've tried to count how many trips we've taken with you to the emergency room, but it's easier to figure at least once a year. It's not like you ever meant to get into some of the scrapes you have, you've just had a little problem with boundaries. I've always said about you, that you will jump off a cliff and worry about where and how you're falling after you've hit the ground. When you were younger you used to climb to the top of any structure and laugh and ask, "Mommy, are you having a heart attack now?"

The answer to that was always, "Yes, honey. Now can you come down from there?" Said with that nervous hitch in my voice.

But you've also always been very, very funny...Just ask you. Once when you were two or three, I thought I lost you at Sears, and I was so frantic, I had everyone in the store looking for you. The only way we found you, was because you were hiding in the middle of one of those circular clothes hanging things and you were laughing so hard, you gave yourself away. After I went off on a long winded lecture, the first thing you said was, "But I funny Mama. I funny." Even at that age you knew that in our house, whatever you did was okay as long as it made me laugh.

As you've gotten older, you have been better about understanding boundaries. It's been a long hard struggle, but this Summer you finally got it. When we were talking about how much better behaved you had been, you said, "Well, I figure, that you let me do a lot of the things I want to do, unless I get in trouble and lose your trust. And I like having that kind of freedom, so being good isn't that hard anymore." Hey, it only took you thirteen years to figure that out, now maybe we can devote more energy into keeping your room clean.

You have grown into such an interesting person. Everyday you surprise me with you're fun and quirky ideas. Last Saturday, you met me a block away from home when I was running to ask if you could have a friend or two over for a tea party and you had the table set and everything ready to go. Today for your birthday, you invited your girlfriends over to paint t-shirts with some of our fabric paints, and you all spent over an hour drawing and painting. Of course, we can't forget your penchant for taking artistic self-portraits.

Mostly, I want to thank you for teaching me how to be a better parent and forcing me to be more of a girly girl. Before I had you, I had no idea that shoe shopping was a legitimate hobby. I can't wait to see what the world looks like from your eyes in the next fourteen years.

Love,

Jo Mama

But You Grow Up and You Calm Down

Okay. I think my goal here was to take a couple of photos of myself on the eve of the beginning of my 42nd year before I went out. Then maybe I thought I'd take some "after" shots when I got home and had actually turned a certain age, but I was too drunk (thank god) to do the last part...Or possibly, I had spent too much time by myself on Sunday and it was making me a little loopy and I had no plan whatsoever for taking dork-ass black and whites of myself. Either way, here I am during my last hours of 41. Yeah, whatever.


So, check me out. I'm blogging from home. Sweet. All day on my birthday, the Mediacom people were telling me that it could take 24-48 hours for them to fix my internet. Even with my lovely hangover, I knew that was bullshit. Today I had to call three times and got disconnected once and was on hold (with the worst cheesy techno hold music ever) for what seemed like a couple of hours until I got the one guy who knew what was going on. He told me that my issue shouldn't take 24 hours, it should take about four minutes to fix. Really? He said he'd call me back when it was done, and damn if he didn't get back to me in ten minutes. The more I deal with tech support for any company, the more I realize that you have to keep calling back until you get that one girl/guy who actually knows what she/he's doing. Whew.

So, thanks again for all the birthday love. My birthday eve was super great and my birthday was fun too, I just had to pay the toll for the night before. I'm old enough to understand that it was all my choice, and in my mind, it was totally worth it.

Today it was back to the real world, and that was okay too. After my four day weekend, I forgot I had to bring a lunch and was forced to pay way too much for crappy food downtown. On my way to purchase said crap, I ran into Stinky and her friends. So, we all went together for our crap feast and I got to meet Stinky's new boyfriend who she met at camp. He has that whole sun bleached, blonde, skater boy/seventies surfer look that me and my girls all seem to have a weakness for. I made him shake my hand, not because I'm all formal like that, but because I knew it would make him really uncomfortable. And how fun is that? It almost makes me want to forget my lunch again tomorrow, to see if I can mess with him some more.

Rainy Days and Mondays

Dear Most Awesome Blog Readers,

This will be really quick. I woke up hung-over on my birthday to find that when the cable company shut-off my land line, they also stopped my internet. Awesome. Then they told me that what took a minute for them to screw up, would take them at least 24 hours to fix. Even better. So, I had to wait until I went back to work to get any internet access.

Thanks for all the kind birthday wishes and virtual cakes and stuff. I promise I will try to get to everyone's blogs in the next day or two. 'Kay? I also promise to write a better, more sober blog post than I have in the last couple of days.

Love,

Churlita

And I'm Getting Old

Good lord, but that's a lot of face for a baby. It's also nice to know, that I've never, ever in my life, been able to sit like a lady.

Kids, you know I feel really bad doing another one of these so close on the heels of the last one, but here it is. I guess my excuse is that it's my birthday goddammit and I can blog drunk if I want to. Today was pretty kick-ass and I'm not just saying it because I've had a few and everything seems awesome while I'm wearing my beer goggles. I do know, that whatever hour I drag myself out of bed tomorrow, probably won't seem quite so sweet.

Right now though, I want to hug the whole world, except some of those stinky rock boys who gave me and my friends so much shit tonight. Those would be the same rock boys who kept calling and/or texting us while we were at a friend's house wondering when we were going to come down to the metal show. Those boys will get theirs all too soon. Especially, our friend J. who called us the "hen clan". As in, "I'm surprised to see the hen clan out at a show on a Sunday night," or "the reason I called you guys the hen clan is because all we could hear after the band stopped playing was you guys cackling in the back of the bar." J. will soon discover that we weren't kidding when we said we'd all show up at his house at 2 on Monday afternoon to watch movies at his state of the art theater...And cackle as often and as loudly as possible.

So, yeah. I have a feeling that I haven't made much sense so far. I would encourage you all to blame that final free birthday beer I was served after midnight. And since I obviously misplaced my filter, I'm wisely taking some kind of pain reliever, with as much water as I can drink and passing-out. I'm sure I'll feel like getting up early and running in the morning. Right?

I'm the Kinda G That Little Homies Wanna Be Like

My friend K.'s neighbor was tuck-pointing her house last year, so I went ahead and photographed it.

Tonight I am standing on the precipice of a four day weekend. Don't worry, it's not making me dizzy and I won't pass-out and fall off of it. I'm just a little giddy is all. I turn forty-muthahfuckin'-two years old on Monday, and I thought I'd give myself the birthday present of time. So, it's happy birthday to me, (starring Melissa Sue Anderson) all over again.

I was a little worried earlier today, because my cold got all up in my grill and was sweatin' me and I was afraid all my vacation birthday time would be spent livin' in a Summer cold paradise. One of my co-workers told me that if my cold was still bad tomorrow, I should just come into work. Her reasoning was that if I was going to be miserable anyway, I may as well not waste a perfectly good day off. So, I went to bed the minute I got home and pretty much stayed there until around 9 o'clock when Mr. Dateman called me to make sure I hadn't been passing out in doctor's offices again today. I've got four minutes to go until midnight and so far so good.

So, I'm wide awake now and my cold seems to have chilled the fuck out, I have tomorrow off and my girls are away at camp. What an excellent way to head into Friday the 13th. I don't really have many plans for tomorrow, so give me some suggestions. If you had an entire day to yourself, how would you fill it? (please be aware that you would be on an EXTREMELY limited budget, so renting tons of porn might be out of the question)