Tuesday, March 09, 2010

And Freedom Tastes of Reality

Coadster dispensing gifts at her final showchoir concert.

I might have to put a warning before every blog post for one thing or another, but I'll warn you about the sad, sorry sap potential for this one. My excuse is that Coadster just accepted her admission and signed her college housing contract tonight. (breathe, Churlita, breathe...Into a paper bag if necessary)

This is a year of lasts for Coadster. It was so strange this Sunday to think that we'll never see her flashing jazz hands and cranking up the cheese...On stage, anyway. I'm in the last few months of legally being able to tell her what to do, or being responsible for her. Starting this Fall, much of her life will take place without my knowledge. What a strange thing, this parenting gig is.

From a very young age, I experienced loss...And with my abandonment issues, I pretty much expect that eventuality from every relationship/friendship I have with people. But as every parent knows, it's different with my kids. I've never been so invested in another human being the way I am with my girls. I can pick them out of a crowd of hundreds, I know exactly what each facial expression, every bodily movement means and I really do feel every emotion along with them. I don't have the same control issues that a lot of my friends have, but it will still be hard for me not to be a part of Coadster's everyday life anymore.

This is also a year of firsts for Coadster. She will finally be able to vote (which for as political as she is, this is huge for her), she will live on her own, file her taxes, move to another town, make her own rules for herself, all for the first time. It's so exciting I could cry...And I'm sure I will..Often.

I'm not at all worried about her being on her own. I've said since she was born, that she's one of the most responsible, poised people I've ever met. It will just be hard for me to watch her make the mistakes she's bound to make and suffer all those slings and arrows that everyone does while they figure out how to be an adult in this world. All I can do is remind her that I'm here when she needs me...And keep those paper bags handy.

13 comments:

rel said...

Churlita,
It is difficult to watch our saplings become trees, but somehow sustaining too. She'll rely on you for a long time to come!
rel

Tara said...

Aw, I'm sorry Churlita. This will be weird and different for both of you for awhile, I'm sure. I think Coadster should keep up on her jazz hands so that it'll be a smooth transition for everyone. :)

booda baby said...

Now THAT's clever to just attach a general warning label ...

I am honestly thrilled to know and/or believe you'll share the stories of letting one of your masterpieces into the world. There might be lots and lots of tears but your connection is written all over and deep in your daughters. It's like getting to see your play staged for audiences around the world.

Very very exciting. It's quite the privilege. Thanks.

another good thing said...

Oh Honey.
now I'm crying. part of me can't wait until they are grown and gone... in a very selfish way, and another HUGE part thinks, how will they ever survive without me? which is pretty much also selfish. sigh.

Pamela said...

Aw.

A said...

Too bad you can't attach a tissue to each blog for your readers - wouldn't that be cool if your blog came with a tissue?

laura b. said...

What a big step, for all of you. I imagine Stinky has quite a few thoughts on all of this as well.

Now you get to really see what an awesome job you did :-)

SkylersDad said...

What a tremendous accomplishment for her as a young women, and for you as a mom. I am happy for you, but sad that I will never get to experience this myself.

Mnmom said...

Isn't that the bittersweet thing about parenting? That we intentionally work ourselves out of a job, and ultimately teach them to live without us. I'll be watching how you handle all this. And I'm sure you'll do it with grace, humor, style, and a few tissues.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

I think you are lovely and eloquent. Being confident about letting go is how you know you have done (are doing) a good job as a parent. (said the lady with no kids - but still, really - good job my friend.)

Mrs. Hairy Woman said...

This parenting gig is a hard one.. I give you lots of credit for teaching the right things to both of your beautiful girls.. and if she happens to stumble (hope for very few times) she can rely on you to be there.. as it is meant to be.. I think though the Jazz Hands could come in handy.. You done good!

MrManuel said...

My mom cried and cried and cried when she dropped me off at my college apartment for the first time.

Churlita said...

Rel, I know and I'm glad that she knows she can. It will just be hard not to see her everyday.

Tara, ha ha. I'm sure she'll use those jazz hands to her advantage whenever she can.

Booda Baby, That was very sweet of you to say.

Another, Yeah. We're all selfish if we want them here and we're selfish if we want them gone. We can't win for losing.

Pamela, Yeah, yeah...:)

A., I'm sure most people wish I'd attach hard liquor to every blog post. Ha ha.

LauraB., It will be really hard for Coadster. As much as they fight, she will miss her so, so much.

Skyler, I'm sorry. I know that's even harder.

MnMom, Working ourselves out of a job is an excellent way to put it.

Lady, you are way too kind.


Mrs., Hopefully, when she does stumble, she'll put her jazz hands out to catch her fall.

Mr Manuel, I don't blame your mom one bit and I will be doing the exact same thing.