Sunday, November 08, 2009

There's Always Other Boys. There's Always Other Boyfriends

I ended up encountering a different ex then I thought I would.

Wow, kids! What a whacky weekend. I'll start off with saying that I think I found someone to rent my apartment. As always, I'm cautiously optimistic and won't let myself get really excited until her references check out and she signs the sublease. But at least there's hope. I'm still showing my place, just in case, though.

Here are some fun Dubliners. One who wears her heart right out there on her chest.

This weekend the weather was amazing. I ran as much as I could, but wasn't able to find time to bike. Sigh. I did get a lot of cleaning and packing done. Saturday evening I got a little sad. I was home by myself, packing and sorting and getting rid of a lot of the girls' toys and art supplies and Stinky's rock collection, and stressing out about not having a renter yet. I just felt overwhelmed by loneliness. It was fleeting, of course, and today was a million times better. The girls helped with the packing and I had someone to laugh with about all the crazy things the girls had and did when they were little and I actually let myself get excited for our new house where I'm sure we'll have even more crazy fun times. Hooray!

Here is Erik surrounded by Dublin girls. He looks pretty damn happy, doesn't he?

I don't know what it is the last few weeks, but I keep getting haunted by exes. My boyfriend from 20 years ago keeps calling me and trying to get me to move to California and go out with him again. I try very hard not to lead anyone on, while also not hurting their feelings, but I got tired of very diplomatically telling him no. So, I just put him on a special ringtone, and don't answer when he calls me anymore. Another of my exes stopped down to the Dublin without his girlfriend on Halloween. We talked for a bit and it was just fine. Then Erik texted me on Friday night to tell me he was coming to town for the game and wanted to know if I would meet him at the Dublin around 8. I told him I was busy on Friday, but I'd catch up with him on Saturday night instead.

I know I said there was a possibility of me running into Mr. B., but that never happened. Which was probably better. I was kind of exed-out anyway. A friend of mine asked me if I was going to be okay seeing Erik, and I told her I would have no problem. We haven't dated for almost two years and I haven't seen him in a year. For me, all it takes is time and not seeing the person for me to get over them. It was actually really good to see him now that I don't care anymore.

I try to never look at old relationships as a waste of time or as failures. I think if you try really hard, then it isn't a failure, it's just that your personalities or lifestyles didn't mesh. I've also learned something from every friend or relationship I've been in. So, yeah. Erik and I were almost total opposites and we should have seen from a mile away that it wouldn't last. (everyone else did) But I don't regret it at all. We had a lot of fun together and I learned a lot about myself and what I wanted. And most importantly... What I didn't want. He's a bigger life, conquest guy, and I'm smaller life, relationship girl. I used to joke that I was the country mouse visiting the city mouse when I'd go to St Louis to see him. So, now we know we can be good friends and it's always fun to hang out together. And we all lived (as friends) happily ever after...


Poptart said...

What is that lyric from? I think you are very smart about the ex thing. It's totally about time. I am glad you didn't run into Mr. B.

Wow, packing and sorting and all that is what I dread in life. I totally understand getting a little down in the middle of're so resilient though! Good for you.

And (cautious) congrats on the renter!

Churlita said...

Thanks,Poptart. It's from a Hold Steady song.

Remiman said...

I admire your attitude toward begone relationships. They were obviously good for awhile: why not take the good memories and still be friends.

Tara said...

What ring tone did you give the California guy? I'm thinking Tom Petty's "Don't Come Around Here No More" or something like that.

I hope, hope, hope that things work out with the sublease! It'll be one less thing to deal with during the move.

Susan said...

It's odd that the exes seem to all pop up at the same time, isn't it?

booda baby said...

That's sort of cool, how you're going through one big 'letting go of all these things - apartments, ex-boyfriends' and making some kick ass room for fantastic OTHER things - like a real house and other, real things. It never stops being exciting to watch/read.

PS. It was always hard - still is - when Iowa played NU. I wanted both teams to win. But mostly NU. Ha.

Ananda girl said...

I think you did that perfectly. I see no reason why people cannot be friends afterward. You know, when it isn't right, it's just not right. It takes a mature person to get past that and go on with the friendship portion... which may have been the real reason you were drawn together in the first place. Cool beans Churlita!

Pamela said...

It's already been two years since then??? wow.

laura b. said...

Wow, it will be such a relief to have the subletting stuff settled (said, Suzy Simpson, simperingly.) :-)

I think time and distance work wonders for putting things into perspective and it has certainly worked for you and Erik. Very nice to see.

this new place said...

well said. and good luck renting! And congrats on the house!

Churlita said...


Exactly. It usually takes me a few months to get to that place, but I'm much happier when I'm finally there.


Ha ha. Now I'm thinking I should change it to "Shut-Up and Let Me Go" by the Ting Tings.


It is. Isn't it? I won't hear from anyone in months and then bam, bam, bam... There they all are.

Booda Baby,

Yeah. This seems like as good a time as any to shed some dead skin...Now if I could only shed my dead apartment, I'd be all set.

And no comment on the Northwestern game. Ahem.


Like I said above, it usually takes a little time to get to that place. I definitely didn't feel like that when we first broke up, but now I'm all for working on a friendship.


I know. It seems like I was just writing about that. But it will be two years in December that we first started dating.


It sure would have been nice to have the sublet settled...(and nice alliteration, by the way)


Thanks for the good luck. It looks like I'm REALLY going to need it now.

Johnny Yen said...

I feel the same way about relationships-- if you walk away learning something, including about yourself, it's not a loss. I feel like there are a certain amount of relationships that you can chalk up to learning.

One of my classmates is with the only guy she's ever been with. Not coincidentally, she's a monumental bore. Not that it keeps her from talking incessantly.

Brando said...

What a wonderful post, especially this:

I try to never look at old relationships as a waste of time or as failures. I think if you try really hard, then it isn't a failure, it's just that your personalities or lifestyles didn't mesh. I've also learned something from every friend or relationship I've been in.