Wednesday, March 04, 2009

So I Turned Myself to Face Me

Here is a photo of a red door with a fun address.

I'm still deleting D songs from my iTunes. Tonight I made it through all the David Bowie I have - which is a lot. I like David Bowie. When my girls were little, they liked him too, but they called him David Bowdie. They must have felt that he needed a harder consonant to break up the vowel sounds in his last name.

When I first went away to college, I had no idea what to expect. It never occurred to me in all the years after my mom died that I would be free of my aunt and uncle's control. I think I assumed I would just drop dead the minute I turned 18, but I didn't and I hadn't planned for that. So, I went to college, because that's what everyone I knew did.

My roommate didn't show up until the next day, so I spent my first night in my dorm room alone. It was hard to imagine a life where I wouldn't be constantly yelled at, threatened and belittled. What would I do with the hours of free time I would have now that I didn't have to cook and clean for six people all day long? It was weird to think I could leave my room anytime I chose and do whatever I wanted. The possibilities scared the shit out of me.

It was all so unfamiliar to me, this freedom and a room where people had to have permission to enter. It was hard to sleep. I lay in bed listening to all the strange voices out in the hallway, trying to imagine what the people who were speaking out there would be like? Then from the other side of my room, I heard music coming from the courtyard through my open window. It was echoing off the other walls, so it was hard to make out at first. Then I realized it was David Bowie's "Space Oddity", followed by "John, I'm Only Dancing" and "Changes". I found out later they were playing the ChangesOneBowie album. I had never heard it before, but it was exactly what I needed that night. It was finally something familiar and good. Lying in bed, and being calmed into sleeping by music was something I had done since I was a little kid. I went out and bought the greatest hits album as soon as I found a record store in Cedar Falls. It was my first music purchase as a free woman.

13 comments:

Ananda girl said...

I loved Ziggy Stardust and See Emily Play. I think he is as enduring as the Beatles and very creative, though I don't always like everything he does. I got to see him in concert way back in the early 70s... wow what a show he put on!

Remiman said...

Churlita,
Music, it's what holds the world together.
rel

Susan said...

Have I ever mentioned my love affair with David Bowie since I was little and saw the movie Labyrinth? I had a firm belief the Goblin King was going to come and take me away for way longer than was healthy.

Pamela said...

Wow, what a moment.

aliencg said...

I finally put ChangesOneBowie on my iPod not too long ago. Excellent album.

Back when I was still working and traveling and unable to relax in the hotel room, I would put on my headphones and listen to Pink Floyd to ease my myself.

Mr Atrocity said...

I think everyone has albums like that; the ones that define an emotion from a specific moment and continue to spark that emotion thereafter.

Churlita said...

Ananda,

I don't like everything he does either. I respect the fact that he's tried a lot of different things, I just don't think all of them have worked.

Rel,

It's so true.

Susan,

I was a lot older when I saw labyrinth. So, the outline of his man thing in those tights was kind of disturbing to me.

Pamela,

Yes, it was - one of those times that was terrifying in the moment, but I didn't realize until later what an exciting time it should have been for me.

Alien,

I can see that. Wish You Were Here was my comfort music for a while in college too.

laura b. said...

What an amazing memory, truly. I wish I'd had the opportunity to live in a dorm.
I like David Bowie's music and the way he's reinvented himself over the years.

dmarks said...

Fun address and college days. Reminds me of the dorm floor I lived on. It was the sixth floor, and there was a room 666.

Not only that, but the guy living in room 666 had a satanic-looking haircut. Any guess as to what his name was? Damien. For real.

His "hell room" was well known.

Ananda: Glad you made it over here. A couple of years ago, I left a comment on Churlita's blog, and she encouraged me to start making posts, which I did. That was how I really started the posting part of blogging. (as opposed to just reading and commenting).

I saw the "Let's Dance"-era Bowie in concert.

Churlita said...

Mr Atrocity,

I'm sure. I have so many, that I have my own blog category for them.

LauraB.,

I only lived in a dorm for a semester, but it was an experience I'm glad I had. It was one of the few "normal" college things I did.

DMarks,

That's pretty cool about the 666 room and guy...Scary, but intriguing.

booda baby said...

That's one great butt story. (In honor of your Cinderalla-innocence, I thought I'd NOT say 'ass'). Ahhh, Bowie. Always good. Not exactly Lou Reed or Neil Young, but still good.

(As a weird side note, EVERYone I was friends with in Hollywood loved Leonard Cohen. Strange coincidence. In Iowa City? Neil Young. It was like a test.)

Tara said...

What a nice memory to have of David Bowdie..er Bowie's music!

I like hearing noises in the apartment hallway sometimes when I'm in bed. A little noise can be really comforting.

MrManuel said...

Love David Bowie in Labyrinth.

I never did the dorm thing went I went to college. I moved out with some friends who also went to my college and we got an apartment.