And the Wind Ain't Blowin' From the South.

Here is part of a stone church in the snow.

I started reading Barbara Kingsolver's, Lacuna last night. It takes place in Mexico. I think it will be the perfect way to combat the below zero wind chills we're supposed to get by tonight. If that doesn't work, we will probably watch The Big Easy tonight. I haven't seen it since it first came out, but as I recall, everyone walks around in sweat stained shirts...Plus, an '80's Dennis Quaid should be hot enough to defy any Iowa Winter, right?

I've been having weird, insecure dreams lately. When I was younger and didn't know how to drive, I would have "feeling out of control" dreams that I was driving a motorcycle on an old logging road in Northern California...The kind that can sometimes just end without warning. Now, I dream of f*cked-up races I find myself in. One was that I was in a bike race that took place inside the hospital where I used to work. We raced through the hallways, trying to avoid patients and carts full of expensive equipment. In another dream, I was doing a triathlon and I kept forgetting that I was racing and would stop and talk to my friends, until someone would remind me and I would find myself further and further behind. Hmmmmm. It appears that the ass end of Winter is weighing heavily on me once again.

What is It About This Place, Keeps You On Your Feet?

I'm posting some pics that JS took of me from the fire last night. Thank god, his flash wasn't working when he took this close-up of me...

It was warm today, but I can still feel Fall in the wings. The shadows lie differently on the ground and I find myself going more and more inward these last few weeks. I'm not fighting it. I'm ready for the slow down and a little escape from the external world.

...The lack of flash helped here too, where Bry was being his usual, inappropriate self.

All Summer long I've mostly been doing - running, hiking, kayaking, cycling, mowing, gardening and playing. It was glorious. I have so much energy when it's warm outside. I often forget to eat when I'm so busy doing other things, and then when I do remember, I really just want to grill something anyway.

JS finally got the flash working just as we were leaving. So, at least you all get to see the kick-ass Wolverine t-shirt I was wearing.

Now, I'm back in the kitchen, cooking and baking all the time. I've had to go around, dropping stuff off at my friends' houses, I've been that damned productive.

My inner life is shaping up nicely too. All the books I read, the miles I run and the music I hear take me on a different tangent. I'm reevaluating, examining and processing. This is the time of year where I can finally sit down long enough to write. Sure, it doesn't sound as interesting as all the things I've done over the Summer, but there are all kinds of adventures taking place in my own little world, and I'm excited to sort them all out and get them down on a page in the coming months.

Avenues All Lined With Trees

Here is a sign either pointing to Kansas City or showing you the way to the lead singer of the Sunshine Band.

I've always dreamed of houses. Big, rambling, impractical houses with secret passages and miles and miles of twisted hallways. At some point in every dream, I realize that I have an apartment, and so the big rambling house, really couldn't be mine. I wonder if I'll still dream like that if I actually buy my own home.

Today I met with the realtor and her assistant at lunch. They asked me what I was looking for in a house. I assumed they meant, what was I looking for in a home I could afford. I've thought about it a lot lately, as I obsess over the realty sites in my town. Ideally, I'd like a two bedroom bungalow with hardwood floors. It wouldn't have to be that big, as long as it didn't need a ton of work. I guess, if it were possible, I wouldn't mind one of those extra upstairs rooms that Stinky likes to refer to as a teen room. As in, "Hey, mom. If we get that one house, can that big upstairs room be my teen room?" I told the realtors that I didn't have to have a garage, but after being without one during the tornado, a basement would be very, very welcome. Oh, yeah. I don't need a huge yard, but I'd like enough of one to have a garden. I would settle for a decent Ranch style home too.

In order to get the tax credit, the realtor said I had just about 3 weeks to find a house in my price range. Eek! That doesn't give me much time. They seemed pretty confident that I'd be able to find something and they were going to get back to me on when we can actually go out and start looking. I'll keep you all posted on the process.

Makes You Think All the World's a Sunny Day, Oh yeah

Here is Coadster at the car show a few weeks ago.

So, kids. I think I'm finally nearing the end of my cold. I can almost breathe out of my nose again. I think I might even try to run tomorrow. I can't wait. I feel like an invalid. All my muscles are mushy from taking a few days off.

I don't have a lot to write tonight. Lucky you. Coadster has her first round of senior pictures tomorrow. If it doesn't rain, they'll probably do the outside shots then. She's got all of her outfits picked out and everything. Now, all I have to do is finally locate my imaginary trust fund in order to pay for it all.

Tonight will also be the first night in a while that I've gone to bed without the aid of cold medicine. I won't miss the horrible grogginess in the morning, but I will miss the bizarre and vivid dreams I've had. Damn it.

Okay, I tried to form sentences, and I failed. Now, I need to try to go to sleep. Let's hope I succeed with that.

But the Long Face That You See Comes From Living Close to Your Fears

Here is a neighbor's old car.

Okay. So, I'm having a smoke detector issue. You know how I don't have any mechanical skillz, right? Well, my smoke detector's battery started to go, so it was screeching at me in sporadic intervals. So annoying. I yanked it off the wall and thought I could just take the battery out of it, until I had a chance to run to the store to get another 9 volt. I was sadly mistaken. I couldn't get the damn thing apart. So, I did what I usually do in these kinds of situations; I called Stinky over. She is the only one of the three of us who has any kind of engineering know-how and she's usually really good at fixing everything. This time, she failed.

I had no other choice but to put it on the loveseat where no one sits and cover it with pillows to hush up its squawking. Of course, I forgot to buy new batteries. I went to sleep just fine, but then sure as shit, I was awakened at 3 in the morning by more low battery screeching.

Here is its wheel...

I wandered into the living room looking for it, so I could fix it real good by smashing it against the wall. Unfortunately, it wasn't hidden under the pillows anymore, and that's why it was so loud. I finally found the offending item on the coffee table. One of the girls must have moved it at some point. I quickly smothered it with pillows to put it out of my misery and tried to get back to sleep. Turns out, I couldn't. I flirted with the idea of giving up and reading a book and just dealing with how cranky I would be in the morning, but held strong to my sleep fantasy.

...And here is the front part of it.

I must have dozed off, because I was suddenly moving to NYC with a much younger version of my ex. I had already quit my job and got rid of my apartment, when I realized I could never live with him (that was about 9 years quicker than in real life). Since I didn't have a job or a place to live, I was free to go wherever I wanted. It was a toss-up between Austin, Texas and Tucson, Arizona. Then it occurred to me that I had kids. (I have no idea where they had been hiding at the beginning of my dream) and I had to stay in Iowa City. That realization jolted me awake and then I did give up on trying to sleep. I didn't do anything productive instead. I just tossed and turned and fretted about what today would be like on so little sleep. Really, I didn't need to worry. I functioned pretty well. Now, I need to get to bed, so that this deprivation doesn't build on itself.

When You Were Just a Young Girl and Still in School

Here's a photo of a weird 70's looking building where the Cambus stops by the Rec Building. Of course, this photo has nothing to do with my post.

I have been a bad sleeper lately. So, tonight I'm working extra special hard at getting my ass in bed at a decent hour. Hopefully, tonight I won't get a drunken text sent out to everyone on his phone by my friend C. letting us know he's coming to town on Thursday night, like I did last night at one in the morning. Jaysus, Mary and Joseph. Oh yeah, so in the interest of an earlier bedtime, I'm posting another thing from my old blog. It's kind of a companion piece to my list of cheesy 70's music from last night. There is one little change I will add to it, I've had some nightmares in the last couple of years since I wrote this.

This was originally written in April of 2006:

When I was a kid I was terrified of everything. At an early age, I was scared of the Wizard of Oz (especially that one scene - you know, where Auntie Em turns into the witch in the crystal ball?). Then I was afraid of the Vietnam war. After a while, my mom wouldn't let me watch the news because it freaked me out so much. They kept showing little kids all bloody and crying. I also thought that every clock I heard was a ticking bomb.

Then when I was about 7 or so, The Exorcist came out. Everything about it terrified me. The commercials were torture and the soundtrack...Oh my god, Tubular Bells made me want to buy a new umbilical chord and reattach myself to my mother. For years after, I had horrible nightmares about the devil. They were always the same. In my dream, I would be possessed by the devil and then realize I was in a dream and think I woke up, but I was really still asleep and then satan would hold me down and cover my mouth so no one could hear me scream.

It was partly my fear and partly my hyper-spazziness (I'm pretending this is a word), that kept me from sleeping when I was younger. I would lie in my room and hear my mom out in the living room either painting and listening to music or too tired to do anything but stare at the TV. As long as she was awake, I was fine. After she went to sleep, then Linda Blair, the Viet Cong and satan could all get at me. Most nights I would be so scared, I'd end up sleeping in my mom's room anyway.

In college I finally saw The Exorcist for the first time and I did think it was scary. But then I watched the second one and it was so cheesy and laughable that it took some power away from the original. Plus, the fact that Linda Blair dated both Rick Springfield and Rick James made me feel more sorry for her than frightened of her (it also steered me away from dating anyone named Rick).

Even as an adult, I still had the scary devil dreams. They were almost exactly the same ones I had when I was eight. Then when I was 31, I got divorced and became a single parent. I was always the last one awake in the house after that, but somewhere in there I stopped having nightmares. I can't even remember the last time I had one. I'm not sure what changed, but I'm totally cured of them. I'm still frightened of things - right now, the tornado sirens are my biggest fear...I'm also ascairt of boys, but unfortunately, none of them have kept me up all night for a long time.

I've Just Closed My Eyes Again

Here is a picture of a Bears flag. You know, just so you don't forget them this year that they're not in the Superbowl. Feel free to forget them from last year though.

Well, kids. I'm almost all ready to go. I have a road trip playlist. T. (who is driving down with me) emailed me and said she wanted songs she could sing to, and so I took care of that. I'm meeting my sister in Mt Pleasant and she's taking the girls for the weekend. I still have a few things to pack, but I'm almost done with that. I still have to print out my Mapquest directions and then I can finally go to bed.

Now, I'm going to stop relating annoying details and tell you about my dream last night. And yes, I'm aware that it's just as annoying to go on and on about your dreams, because no one give a shit but you. I just think if I write it out, I might be able to get the weirdness of it out of my head. So, please indulge me, okay?

I apparently, only had one day to go on a trip, so I decided to go to Kenya for that 24 hour period (who wouldn't right?). While I was there, I took a nap in a desert right outside where people were ransacking a village and making a bonfire out of dead bodies. These same people, woke me up from my nap and helped me get on my plane. I had that weird conflicted feeling I have with people who suck, but then can be nice. Once I got on the plane, it was full of my neighbors and their kids, going to a soccer game. And then I woke up. So, what the fuck was that? Wait, don't answer that. I'm sure any analysis would put me standing right on top of the crazy again.

Sooo, ADD much, Churly? Why yes I do, and now I'm going to change the subject again. If the weather isn't too crazy, I will be off to St Louis right after work and won't see any of you (except T. and Erik) until I get back on Sunday. If the weather is too bad, you're all stuck with me for the weekend. I think we'll all now pray for clear skies.

I Never Met Him, I'll Never Forget Him

Here is a picture of the side of a trailer.

I'm going to try so hard to write a shorter post today. I've just written three really long posts in a row, and I know it's a lot to ask you all to read that much crap about me, me and me.

Apparently, I don't deserve a night to myself, because I'll just piss it all away anyway. I've been having trouble sleeping again. Since Sunday, I'm lucky if I've gotten close to four hours a night. By today, I was kind of a mess. I planned to take a quick, one hour nap when I got home, because the girls were actually going to their dad's at seven for the first time in months. But one hour turned into five and there was kind of a fun dream in there that included a guy I saw at the store on my way home from work. And my, won't I be a little embarrassed when I accidentally run into him again. Now though? Now, it's almost eleven and I'm still exhausted and I haven't done one damn thing around my house.

All I can do, is hope that I'm not up the rest of the night, which will make me weirdly sleep deprived again tomorrow and I'll start this whole vicious cycle again. It might all be worth it, if I'm guaranteed the fun dreams too.